Hurt by my mums actions?

[Neverendingtodolist]

My mum has always favoured my sister. I’ve known and accepted it.

I asked my mum if she was free on Saturday (just gone) for a coffee and she said she’d try but was meeting a friend and probably couldn’t.

I then saw that she’d gone out with my sister instead.

I confronted her and got told that her friend changed plans.

That's really crap that she lied, but do you think she did it to try and spare your feelings if she's aware of how you feel?

I can see why you'd be upset if your mum actively favours your sister, how long have you felt like that?

My whole life pretty much. It’s just magnified that my sister has given her grandchildren and I never will.

I don’t think my OP was clearly. Her friend cancelled and my mum decided to go out with my sister instead of me ... despite me asking for first.

You’ve every right to be hurt, that’s a shitty thing to do! Did she acknowledge this would have hurt your feelings / apologise?

You sound like you’ve come to peace that she treats you differently, which must have been super hard but incredibly brave to do.

How you handle this I guess depends on how you want your relationship to be in the future... sit her down and have a heart to heart? Write it off as ‘her being her’? Never ask again and drop contact?

Wish you all the very best x

Yanbu to feel like this, and you would not be unreasonable to decide to make some changes to your life so the pair of them don't hurt you so much.

So sorry OP. There was no reason for her to do that. It would hurt anyone. I guess your sister will be the one wiping her bum in forty years...if I were you, I’d consider myself off the hook for any elder care she might need in future.

Then from your update that is really unfair, and anyone would understandably feel hurt, OP.

You often hear of the DC with grandchildren being favoured - my MIL is like it! DH & I can't have DC and she makes lots more effort with her other son who has kids, even though we are closer and much nicer to her

I'm not sure what to advise, apart from talking to you mum openly about how you feel, but I get the feeling that wouldn't help much?

YANBU to feel hurt. Even a friend doing that would feel a bit hurtful.

Do you get on with your sister? Is there any reason why she couldn't have seen you both?

Totally get you OP. My parents favour my sister massively. See her children regularly and have only seen mine once this year. Its shit and it used to hurt me alot, but now I just accept it is what it is and focus on my own family.

YANBU - that's awful.

If there's one thing I've learned in my life (a lot of shitty relatives and relationships) it is - You can't control how others behave or treat you but you can control how you react - I've cut some out of my life completely so they now don't get any opportunity to hurt or upset me. Others I have very little contact with and if I choose to it's on their initiation as I got fed up of being dropped/ignored/used so I simply don't bother anymore unless they contact me.
Something to think about.

I'm sorry she did this to you. It must be very hurtful. Parents who openly favour one child make me very angry. It's awful and emotionally abusive imo. It's always to the detriment of the other child. I've no idea why she couldn't have suggested you all go out together.

YANBU. That's hurtful and deceitful. I'm in a similar boat and it feels so damned hurtful.

Gosh I really really understand how you feel. I just try and repress the feeling of jealousy. Not healthy at all.