I don't know what to do

[threeamclub]

I've dropped out of my college course because I'm so exhausted just 2 weeks in (I suffer from a neurological disorder and depression) and my dream of studying at university is over as I can't manage it.

I've just put my PIP appeal for tribunal in so I could have a years wait before my hearing and even then they might deny me the money again so I'll still have no money and still have to rely on my parents and boyfriend.

I've tried to hold down part time jobs before but my mental health gets really bad and I get anxious and end up quitting soon after as I have no energy.

I'm quite honestly exhausted and I have no idea where to turn. NHS mental health help have kept me waiting for over 2 years (I'm 20) with little to no help offered despite numerous attempts at contacting them. I have an eating disorder and got kicked out of a CBT group recently because of it (they thought I was too unwell but I actually enjoyed the group) but the eating disorder referral service won't take me on as my weight isn't low enough despite having a bmi of 16.

It's all fucking useless. I'm just laying in bed now and I honestly wish I could sleep forever.

*posted in chat but no response so using aibu for traffic, sorry.

Only you can help yourself to change unfortunately. You need to find some motivation for life.

@Zebraaa surely it's not unreasonable to expect professional help though? You wouldn't expect someone with a broken arm to just 'find the motivation' to get better would you?

Zebraaa how helpful and sympathetic.

OP it sounds like you've got a lot of stress going on at the moment, and you've tried so hard to improve things, that's really inspiring.

I'm sorry to hear you're not getting the support you deserve, you're a strong person to be dealing with all this.

It's understandable to feel hopeless and dejected when everything we try takes energy and motivation we just don't have.

I'm wondering, what good things have you got in your life at the moment? Do you have trusted friends/family or hobbies you enjoy?

Your dreams are absolutely not over. Wherever you want to me, there will be many, many ways to get there. It's a marathon not a sprint, so the cliche goes.

What support are you getting for the neurological problem?

@Namechangeforthiscancershit medication daily and neurologist appointments with a nurse every 6 months. It's left me with severe fatigue and memory loss.

Things are tough for you right now.

Would focusing on getting five useful things done a day help? When I was unwell, that helped me. Some of the things could be as basic as getting up and dressed.

If you’re feeling like you might hurt yourself, you need to reach out for help. The Samaritans, GP or even A and E would be sensible places to go.

The other place you could look for support is eating disorder charities.

@FactorFifty Thank you, my family are supportive but it's exhausting for them too and I keep disappointing everyone by not being able to do things (work, college etc).

I love sleeping and just being alone I think. Every now and then I like to go out and see a friend or spend time with my boyfriend.

@PurpleDaisies I won't hurt myself, tried that before years ago and just ended up sectioned which is an awful experience.

We've tried ED charities over the years but no help there. GP is just sick of me I think!

What was your course in? Could you do part-time study through a local university or the OU?

Can you do your course part time? (So less work in one go) Can you sign on? How about contacting the charity MIND see if they have any support services/advice near you.

Are you actually taking anti d's? The sleeping all the time is a big red flag. If you are, a meds review might be an idea. I'd also look at your diet & reduce the junk & up your feuit/veg & take Vit D, Vit B & iron tablets, as I found my energy levels & depression were massively better when I did. Once that's done could you do Distance Learning as that's less physical energy getting to classes & doing full days.

You could try open university, I'm currently in my fourth year of a 6 year p/t psychology degree and can study when it suits me. It might be worth a try. Keep your chin up and be kind to yourself, it's not your fault that you have this condition 💐

Seeing a friend and spending time with your boyfriend sound like great things to take your mind off your worries, sometimes just focusing on small joys can help you feel better.

I'm sure your family are very proud of you, it's more likely that they're disappointed for you and not with you. :)

It's not your fault that you're struggling; it could be that a full time college course and job are too much at the moment.

Can you scale back any of your aspirations and take smaller, more manageable steps towards fulfilling some goals? A course that requires one evening a week for example, or doing a Saturday-only job, only as ideas? You could always volunteer too, if you wanted to, so there's less pressure on you but you're getting out and about.

You really do deserve support in feeling better, do you feel strong enough to bring up how you're feeling with your GP, and push for more support? Sometimes having a friend or partner come with us can help

Have you looked into courses you could do via remote study? Is there any work you could do from home, maybe, at your own pace?

@CSIblonde I take a low dose of Prozac but the sleeping is related to my neurological condition. I eat healthily and always take vitamins. I'm eating three meals a day atm (good meals!) but still losing weight.

The problem with learning in general is my poor concentration and lack of memory.

I've tried the OU before and didn't do well with it as it was still a lot of studying even part time.

First of all your dream is not over, might just take a different path to get there.
Have you formally withdrawn from college? If not go and access all the help you can from there. Inclusive learning should be able to help.
I’m 34 with MH issues and just back at college myself. You are a long way from hopeless! What were you studying? It is exhausting, even those who are well struggle with the first couple of weeks.

I'd see your GP re the low dose Prozac & see if increasing that helps . 50mg which is what I started on was pointless, had no effect. Sertraline was also a better option in the end as Prozac only worked for a while.

@CSIblonde I've been on higher doses before up to 75mg but they zoned me out too much we found, 25mg is working really well in terms of general anxiety management but unfortunately it's never done much for the depression.

I do t think Zebraa is being unsympathetic. I’ve had both depression and an eating disorder and ultimately it was my actions that got me out of it. I’m not saying the same is true for everyone, but that it can be done in my experience. The things that made a difference for me were:
Changing one simple thing at a time
Accepting if I didn’t then this would be my life forever
Understanding that external sources of support have limits.e.g health professionals can’t be accessed 24/7, friend have their own lives etc.
Trying to enjoy the feeling that taking control gave me

If the Prozac is only sorting the anxiety & not the depression , its pretty pointless to me. I seriously would have a meds review, as its trial & error to what suits you best, there are plenty of other options (Citalopram, Sertraline to name just a few, neither of which should make you drowsy or, 'zone you out' ). If you don't address your depression it's going to be far harder to be motivated to fund a solution & get a grip on the other issues. People massively underestimate what depression does to you in terms of negative thinking, sapping energy & losing motivation.