To dread PMS

[FactorFifty]

For every day of the month except one, I am calm, humourous, laid back and a loving friend and wife.

However, the day before my period I have suicidal thoughts and am convinced I need to divorce my husband. I can't stop crying and I feel utterly hopeless. Then my period arrives and my hormones return me to me.

I dread it. I've even written myself a letter to myself (!) to remind me I don't want to die and I love my life and my husband.

But when the time comes, I don't believe it. My DH can't do right for wrong, and I cry and say I'm sorry but we should split up. It must be awful for him and it makes me feel abusive. We don't argue, I'm just emotional.

I have endometriosis and the pain is beyond excruciating so with my hormones and pain, it takes me a while to regain my mental and physical health after each period.

I'm super healthy otherwise, I've tried CBT, counselling, fish oils, evening primrose, natural progesterone, exercise, yoga, etc.

Its exhausting. We have been TTC so I can't take any medication.

Has anyone suffered similarly and found a cure? It looks like we likely can't have DC (because of the Endo and MFI) so I'm having to come to terms with that, but it means I would be able to consider other things for the monthly roller coaster.

I feel like one day it's going to kill me.

:(

You are lucky it's just the one day.
Im affected up to 2 weeks before

Greasy hair greasy skin spots backache miserable moody crying short tempered .

It's horrible! And im on the pill

That must be really awful for you, you're amazingly resillient to cope with it for two weeks out of the month.

Yet I don't feel I can count myself as lucky though, solely because of comparison with yourself who has it worse.

That's interesting the pill hasn't worked, doctors always seem to want to push it as a cure-all!

I can sympathise OP. For one week before my period I have a horrible headache that won't shift, I feel sad, low, tired and really depressed. as soon as my period starts i feel so much better.

The Nurse at my surgery said it's caused by a drop in Oestrogen the few days leading up to my period. I have a GP appointment in a few weeks to discuss further as I cant spend 1 week in 4 feeling so awful. If the GP sheds any light I will report back. Hugs to you all, it's shit.

I'm sorry you're struggling, @itbemay - I have friends who barely notice their periods arriving and can't begin to imagine that!

Please do report back, if you can, and best of luck

Yes it’s horrible. Mine lasts for about a week (not the suicidal thoughts though ) I want to divorce my husband, I spend hours on rightmove trying to find a new house. I tell him we need marriage counselling and I’m generally a horrible, shouty person.

The pill did help me but I can’t take it anymore (BC). It’s definitely caused by a drop in oestrogen. You can apparently take anti depressants for one week a month but I don’t want to go down that road.

Exercise, good diet and no alcohol helps a little.

I think you can get some oestrogen gel? But again I can’t take that. I may be peri menopausal too so that doesn’t help. Oestrogen declining in general...

A couple of hours ago I was considering starting a thread about PMS as it makes me feel so low that I had to come home from the shops before I had got all I needed.
However your situation is way beyond that so you have my every sympathy.
Not got much info about your age and where you are in your ttc journey but I would think the immediate priority might be to see if you can get any medical help for the endometriosis and with MFI then see if you qualify for referral for assisted conception as ivf/icsi may be required.
Hopefully someone with direct experience of your extreme PMS symptoms will be able to comment with some helpful advice and I wish you the best of luck.

@Delatron that's really, really helpful thank you - I'll do some research into oestrogen and PMS.

My GP has told me there may be a link between too much oestrogen and endometriosis - so suggested cutting out high oestrogen food like red meat and soy which I have done.

So if high oestrogen has caused my Endo, but then it goes too low just before my period - well, God knows what's going on. :(

Thanks so much @mcmooberry for your post. It's terrible when it affects our lives so much that our day is actually negativity affected, I'm sorry you suffer too.

I didn't want to make my OP too long, but I'm 34 and been offered IVF. DH and I haven't made a decision yet, we've given ourselves a few months to take it all in.

I'm terrified that the hormone aspect of IVF will cause worse mood swings. I don't feel resillient to them. But then I know pregnancy affects hormones too, so then I over-think and tell myself I'm not strong enough for any of it and I'd better stay childfree.

But then I'm still suicidal every month, and so what could be worse? I feel for any woman going through PMS; as if life isn't tough enough.

OP that sounds tough

I have posted before as I get very pad PMT / PMS for a week to ten days before my period. Only relatively recently I realised my friends don’t talk about their hormones as I do. For that week or so when I have it, it affects EVERYTHING. I am irritable, moody, tired, emotional, I too tell my husband I want to leave him and I’m genuinely convinced for that time that everything is wrong. I know it’s my hormones but that doesn’t make it much easier. I also get spotty! 🙈

Not sure what to suggest but I have found I am learning to manage it better eg not shouting at DH so often that I want to leave him as I might not feel that way in a few days (no matter how real it feels then), not sending a nasty / ranting text message and actually just trying to take myself off for a bath or something and stay out of his way. At work I have trusted colleagues I can talk to when someone in pissing me off!

Have you heard of PMDD?
Have a read of here: iapmd.org

First steps are to make a diary. Note down every day where you are in your cycle, if you have any spotting or bleeding and if you have any symptoms - both mental and physical. Do that for a few cycles until you have evidence you can show your GP.

It's not well known and you may have to fight for help. This is the medication journey to try and find a suitable treatment for you:
www.pms.org.uk/assets/files/guidelinesfinal60210.pdf

I went through everything on the flowchart at the end of the PDF document! Six years later, I've recently had a hysterectomy and ovaries out and I'm settled on the right level of HRT. I finally feel normal again.

I also have PMDD and feel like a wreck for two weeks before my period. I cry and become depressed. It's utterly horrible. I'd be happy if it only lasted for a day. Consider yourself lucky

Yep, I have PMDD and it's awful.

The pill made things worse for me and I was wreck the whole month instead of just 10-14 days. Now I'm older and my hormones have stabilised slightly I find it easier to cope with because I know what to expect.

The only things that help me are the normal "boring" things - exercise, plenty of sleep and plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. It doesn't cure everything but it does help - I've noticed my periods have improved massively since I got our dog - presumably because I have to be out walking him no matter how shit I feel!

I feel for you exactly the same as you! Due to the endometriosis I have had the mirena cool which has been life changing, pain & periods reduced massively and PMT nope! Its due to be replaced, after 5 years apparently the hormone reduces....i realised this recently when my PMT came back :( hugely frustrating as I’m usually so laid back and during these episodes sense and reasoning goes out the window!

I can’t help sadly as you mention your TTC - I have two children but I only got pregnant within a year both times after having surgery to treat the endometriosis.

@adaline aw I'm glad your dog has helped! Daily exercise works wonders for so many things.

I run half and full marathons, do weight training and still keep up with the yoga classes, as well as eating a balanced, nutritious and clean diet - frustratingly doing that for five years hasn't helped the moods or endometriosis. BUT I'm sure if I wasn't as healthy/fit as I am then it would be worse, like others have posted?

It's so tough when I'm doing as much as I can but still feel floored every month.

Interested if anyone suffered with PMS/PMDD and has endometriosis?

aw I'm glad your dog has helped! Daily exercise works wonders for so many things.

Yep, it's been a revelation really. He's changed my life but the benefits of the exercise are not to be underestimated. Even just getting out to chuck the ball for him on the beach helps a lot :)

Interested if anyone suffered with PMS/PMDD and has endometriosis

I had investigations for endometriosis but everything came back clear. I had abdominal scans and blood tests to check for any abnormalities but everything came back fine. I now take traxenamic acid to ease the bleeding each month but I still get the mood swings, the spots, the back/stomach pain and the headaches - it sucks but it's better than it was so I suppose you have to be grateful for that!

@justfortoday4367 cross-post there, thank you SO much for replying.

That's actually really helpful to know the mirena coil helped you so much. At least if DH and I do decide to end our TTC journey I have an option of something to try.

I'm so done with planning my whole life around the endo pain and moodswings.

That's great you managed to conceive and have two DCs, can I ask how was your endo treated and if it helped the pain and (sorry lots of questions!) if so, how long it helped the pain for?

@adaline I just wanted to say my first laparoscopy came back clear for endo (all my scans showed everything was fine too), and after a huge battle and more stress I found a specialist who then found I actually had Stage III endo.

The first NHS gynecologist was not an endometriosis specialist, so just because it wasn't found with you, it doesn't mean it's not there. I wish I had trusted my instincts a LOT sooner, I was fobbed off for fifteen years.

I find yoga, exercise and sleep helps too

I think I have PMDD but haven’t spoken to the robot about it

I have had Laparoscopy surgery - 3 surgery’s in all- hoping by having the mirena coil means no more - I know eventually it will probably lead to a hysterectomy.

I was only 25 when I first got pregnant. My husband and I knew that it may be difficult so we were very surprised after the operation to be pregnant. We started trying again when she was 18 months old and it took 5 years before I fell pregnant (again about a year after 2nd op)

I seem to need an operation every 5-6 years to treat the endometriosis- the first couple of years after operation the pain is reduced - period still heavy but not as bad - but then overtime it comes back. My pmt was still the same though - bloomin hormones! Only having the coil seemed to make a difference. Pre children I was in the pill - still had PMT!