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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My heart says not to move.

8 replies

DaisiesAndCompasses · 25/09/2019 10:55

We are supposed to be moving house, from our lovely flat to a two-bed house. Memorandums of sale will be done today, we have a mortgage offer, I have the massive solicitors forms next to me for the buy & sell...

But my heart is saying not to go.

I love our flat. It feels like home. It's a lovely period building, high ceilings, we've had the bathroom and the boiler done in the last year so it's heaven in there, it's so familiar. It's 10 minutes walk from town, 5 minutes from our favourite pub, it has it's own off-street parking. It sold within a day of being on the market.

The house is nice. It's got a lot more space, it's beautifully decorated. The kitchen is bright and sunny, there's an office/nursery that would be excellent for me working from home, it's got a little yard. We'd be able to have people over, which there is no room for here. We'd get a washing machine and a dishwasher. Our plan would be to start our family there. It's got a new bathroom that isn't really our style, but is inoffensive. It's the nicest house we've seen around here, and houses don't come up that often.

But the flat is the first place I've lived that ever felt like home. I love it here. I'm worried about the new house being too cold, which flares a disability I have - the new boiler made a massive difference to my quality of life! I'm worried about the mortgage payment being three times higher than our current one (but it was always going to be, we have a very small mortgage here now). There's no private parking and it's a half an hour walk to town, but again, that's the case for houses here and so it'll always be that way.

Fiancé is so excited. Yesterday it looked like it might no go ahead, it was a misunderstanding and it's all resolved now, but I was relieved. I walked around and thought, maybe we can make it work here... but my head knows that it's too small, the kitchen needs to be done, it'll need damp proofing and there will be communal expenses soon.

Did anyone feel like this and move anyway?

OP posts:
GherkinTherapy · 25/09/2019 11:02

It sounds like you need to move if you are going to have children, but perhaps you are not that keen on the house you've chosen? Could you compromise on a 2 bed flat nearer to where you live now? How are you with change generally, my husband always loves things just the way they are and is very worried by change. He has never wanted to move, but is always happy once he's got used to the new place.

Shoxfordian · 25/09/2019 11:04

How have you got this far into the process without thinking you don't want to move?

DaisiesAndCompasses · 25/09/2019 11:17

Gherkin I hate change and uncertainty... That might be one of my drivers here. I can't objectively find anything wrong with the house... I think maybe I have to try it and hope I'm like your husband! Thanks for sharing, it's a little reassuring

Shox I've viewed loads of houses with fiancé over the last two years, he never likes any of them enough. He liked this one, we were warned it'd be gone before we could sell our flat. We put the flat on the market, bearing in mind that it's Brexit and everyone said nobody would buy, and it sold the same day for asking price. The mortgage offer was supposed to take two weeks, no costs involved, but it's back within two days. There's been no time at all, and it seemed so unlikely to happen that I didn't want to pin my hopes on it...

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 25/09/2019 11:39

If you've spent 2 years looking at houses, then did you think about whether you wanted to move then? I appreciate the move is quicker than you thought now but you knew it was potentially happening for the past 2 years

Zebraaa · 25/09/2019 11:42

Didn’t you post about this the other day too?

Livebythecoast · 25/09/2019 11:46

I think it's perfectly understandable for you to have reservations. You love your flat and it's homely and you feel safe and moving is a big upheaval. However, if you're going to start a family and the house does have some benefits then I think you should move.
We moved from a 2 bedded flat to a 3 bedded house last year. Flat was opposite a beautiful park, 10 minutes walk to town, lovely neighbours etc but parking wasn't great. Our house is on a little estate, much further from the town but off road parking so it's swings and roundabouts. We had lived in our flat 10 years and we we're sad to leave. So many special memories were there but we love our house and having a garden and it's all warm and homely.
I'm sure you'll make your new house feel homely once you're settled 🤗.
I wish you the very best

Yoohoo16 · 25/09/2019 12:09

We moved 5 years ago from a tiny terraced to a semi detached property. Leading up to it I was so excited and then as completion neared I got cold feet. Kept asking dh if we were doing the right thing, he said yes. Deep down I knew we were but I’m not keen on change. Anyway we moved and I loved it the new place. So glad we moved.

We’re now in the middle of negotiations on a new property and I’m having the same feelings. But I know this is a brilliant move for us and fantastic opportunity. So I’m going to go with it.

I think what you’re feeling is totally normal. It’s sad when you move from somewhere you’ve loved and been happy. But your new place will become home and I doubt you’ll look back.

MatildaTheCat · 25/09/2019 12:14

This sounds like cold feet. You don’t have to fill in all the forms instantly, give yourself a few days to process the changes and consider all the positives whilst recognising there will be losses as well as gains.

And ensure you have enough money in the kitty to repair or replace the boiler if you need to as that sounds a big issue for you.

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