Sensitive or is he being horrid or awkward

[Sayalittleprayerforme]

Long story short , I had a fling some time ago with a friend which fizzled out but there are residual feelings , possibly on both sides . Moving on from that I had a relationship , long term ,which has now broken down .i am terribly sad by the breakdown and he knows this and he’s been saying all the right things on text etc but hasn’t broached the subject with me personally . I now find that he is banging on about his girlfriend and their plans and their social lives . He will say these things directly after we have briefly discussed the breakdown of my relationship . It is hurting me . Am I being too sensitive or is he just being awkward and doesn’t know what to say . I find it very insensitive and wonder if he is actually a friend at all???

He very probably feels the same way about you - that you’re being insensitive- if you insist on emoting about your break-up to him if, as you suspect, he still has feelings for you. And even if not, listening to somebody mope about the end of their relationship incessantly isn’t very enjoyable, even if they’re a friend.

Find somebody else to talk about your feelings with. He either finds it hurtful that you tell him or just clearly isn’t interested in hearing.

I think the residual feelings are entirely on your side and not his, OP.

Were you hoping he would rush back to you? Do you expect any of your other friends to deny their partners or just this one - because I suspect it's just this one!

Thank you. I never thought of it like that. I really appreciate it . That could be a possibility

I think he is trying to tell you that there are no residual feelings on his side by talking about his DP.

I think you probably are being over sensitive, yes. He's talking about what is going on in his world, you're talking about what is going on in yours.

It sounds like you're not really over him, or perhaps you're wondering if it could rekindle now. Perhaps best to lean more on you'e other friends for a bit xxx

Based on your OP, I’d say it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other, but it sounds like you’re hyper-sensitive right now. Is he really banging on, or do you just not want to hear about the GF at all? It sounds like he’s been supportive up to a point, but not as supportive as he could be. Only you can decide whether that’s enough or not.

Either way, be kind to yourself.

Ok thank you. This is also a possibility . He certainly doesn’t like when I’ve spoken innocently about my past relationship so I shut it down unless he asked . That and increased contact since my break up led me to believe there was more than met the eye.

Thanks for your kindness posters

No I don’t want anything to happen with him. I’m not ready for any relationship at the moment

You are being too sensitive, yes. He is in a relationship which is a huge part of his life and of course he is entitled to mention his partner. If he is in a serious relationship with her then he can't really talk about his own life without mentioning her as she will be part of his plans and his social life.

I also don't think he has 'residual feelings' in the same way that you do. I strongly suspect he is mentioning his girlfriend because he wants to make it clear that he is not available following the breakup of your relationship.

I would also add that it can be quite draining if someone wants to talk at length about a breakup and doesn't want to talk about anything else. Yes, they can be supportive up to a point and listen for a while, but there is only so much another person can do or say in response to long, frequent, angst-filled conversations about another person's relationship. I fully appreciate that you're upset but it really sounds to me that you need to try to move on from this rather than dwelling on it and also that you need to stop investing so much in your friend as a provider of comfort.

You need to take ownership of your own emotional state and stop relying so much on others to make you feel better; it's not healthy to put so much store on the support of this one friend.

Ok . That’s a painful read but I think you are right about most of it . I expect very little from him and I’ve realised that he also gives very little despite his promises . He just doesn’t want to talk about it with me which I see is his own choice of course. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to support me but will tell me over and over that he does. A man of words and little action as he has proven to me time and time again. Call it s lightbulb moment but I can see clearly that rather than have been friends, I was an emotional crutch to him that helped him wade through his many issues . Feel so tearful and lonely today . I have other wonderful friends so I make sure I don’t over burden them. This is the first time I’ve ever looked for support from him and he has told me in so many ways that he’s just not availAble . To change the subject to his plans etc with his girlfriend hit me hard. Thanks