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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Me or 'D'P?

7 replies

littletikes27 · 25/09/2019 08:24

Back story is relevant!

Since DP's Ex has split up with her partner, everything has just gone down hill for me and DP.

Last week he took DD's disability car and went round to hers, lied about going there and said he took the kids out instead, kids dropped him in it etc..

Told him that it's not on what he done and he needs to move out and he refused, said it's his home too and if anyone wants to move I should. DD see's a lot of specialist people (physio, community nurse, sensory teacher etc) and is at a really good nursery for her needs so moving back to my moms, which is about 35 mins away, just isn't really ideal as DD would miss out on her care until being reassigned. So anyway... my AIBU

He owes me £300, for his half towards food shopping, kids coats, something for his bad back and a day out he asked me to take the kids on, he said can he pay in a few weeks I said yeah fine.

I can’t find my bank card so I said I’m just taking a tenner off the side and he said “ok knock it off my bill” and I thought checky bastard, can’t even give me £10! But anyway. He won £30 on a bet so he said keep it in my bank and knock off his bill, I said might aswell just pay Ex with that at CM is due to be paid tomorrow (this was yesterday) and he said nah I just pay her in cash when I drop the kids off tomorrow. I said no do it through the bank so there’s a trail (we previously discussed this as she has told CM she hasn't been paid when she has) he then said "why do you care so much if she has cash" I said you know what .. do whatever you want but don’t cry to me when CSA tell us you haven’t paid her.

This morning I’m about to take DD to nursery, I put his phone in charge ready for him to go to the gym (do this every morning) and a message comes from Ex “Thanks for doing this are you going to drop it today” so I open it, he’s giving her £100 to insure her car! So the whole "I'll pay her in cash" was just to hide how much he's actually giving her. Now I know £100 doesn't break the bank, but he actually owes me money, the mother of his youngest child and hasn't paid me yet.

Well done if you got this far! So.. AIBU?

OP posts:
PennysPocket · 25/09/2019 08:27

Who's house is it or are you renting/both on the tenancy?

Frankly I would move out. He's a liar and cannot be trusted. You will be happy and better of financially when you are not funding him.

littletikes27 · 25/09/2019 08:28

@PennysPocket we both rent together. I would move at the drop of a hat if it wasn't for DD's disability, I'm afraid of delaying her care if I move

OP posts:
PennysPocket · 25/09/2019 08:35

Surely you can find a home to rent in the same area?

You don't have to leave straight away but while you are looking stop spending your money on him and start saving.
I know it's a big step and probably seems easier to stay but he is using you.
Can you speak to your LL they may have other properties in the area?

littletikes27 · 25/09/2019 08:40

@PennysPocket I don't think I could afford the rent on my own, I live in the midlands and rent is extortionate around here Sad I'm going to see my local council on Friday so see if there's anything they can do

OP posts:
PennysPocket · 25/09/2019 08:44

The council is a good start.
I do not know your financial circumstances but maybe do a benefits calculator which may help you see what is affordable.
Also check out housing associations not just the councils.
From what you have said I don't think this man is good for you or you DD.

Bibidy · 25/09/2019 09:05

He's completely out of order. Just because his ex has split with her man doesn't make him responsible for her now. And he's lying about it too.

Definitely explore options with the council. I would be absolutely fuming too.

Bouffalant · 25/09/2019 09:06

Start by getting yourself on the council list?

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