To ask how to clean my house

[SneakySnackySquirrel]

Right. So this is embarrassing. Be kind.

I FINALLY feel like I'm almost on top of keeping the house tidy. I'm only 41.

But it has emphasised how dirty it is. The house needs a lot of work so some rooms would look grotty even if they were cleaned to within an inch of their life. But the whole house is kind of grim. I don't where to start. I cleaned the downstairs windows the other day. It took all afternoon and within 30 mins of finishing one, it was covered in cat paw prints and my husband wouldn't clean a bit I couldn't reach on another one so I was deflated and just couldn't find the energy to do anything else.

My husband doesn't pull his weight. I don't know whether it's worth the hassle fighting with him over and over again because nothing changes. If I wait for him to do something, it never gets done and ends up knocking everything else off. Plus, that whole mental load thing, it's easier for me if I just do it. Although I do resent it and it's setting up a rubbish message for my daughter.

I'll dust and half an hour later it's dusty again.

We can't afford a cleaner.

2 bed house, just 3 of us and a cat. I work full time. Flylady just infuriated me.

I just don't know how to do it.

Your husband is the problem. This is all setting a terrible example for your daughter. She will end up as someone’s skivvy too.

Stop doing anything for him.

The cleaning can be worked out, but why are you still with this man? Surely you can't find him attractive anymore if he behaves the way he does?

Start with the hallways de clutter, hoover and wipe the walls over.

Do you have vents or radiators for your heating ? We have vents it gets very dusty and seriously makes me want to pull my hair out!

Then you want to start with the bathrooms, again de clutter, clean.

Then one bedroom at a time , start by de cluttering and then get a bag for charity and sort the wardrobes out. Once you've minimised you can manage, clean and hoover,

Then on to the next room , same as above!

Then the kitchen de clutter , organise the cabinets one at a time give them a wipe over before putting the stuff back.
Then wipe the sides and hoover / mop the floor.

Don't try to do it all in one day so my advice would be DECLUTTER, Clean and then manage.
Set yourself one to two jobs a day by next week house will be lovely!

Once that's all done re paint the doors and skirting boards !

Set aside one week to bootcamp. Either few hours each evening and a weekend or a whole week if you can.

Clear out the crap. If it's not used or you love it, it goes. All of it. You'll be amazed how often the car boot fills. We did clothes this summer and it is joyous.

Then clean everything top to bottom. Hoover mattresses, wash duvets and pillows, get a carpet cleaner if you can borrow or hire one.

Then once it's sorted you can keep it clean udi g TOMM (marvellous!!) And 30 minutes a day is plenty.

If its the whole house, then make a list. Per room. One whole house sounds a lot in someone’s head. Break it down.

If you can afford to put a bit away for some paint, do it. Paint the whole house in the same neutral colour if you must. Easier to keep a clean house clean IYKWIM.

Oh and get the lazy DH off his arse. You live there too, not work there.

Another vote for team TOMM. I started with the messy house bootcamp and now just do the daily bits. Doesn't take long at all. Maximum 45 minutes a day and our house has never looked so clean and tidy. Its changed things so much for me. I felt before like I was always doing things and it was never clean. Now I actually have time to relax its fab!

I think the bigger problem is your H.

Thank you for all your comments. I will read them full tonight.

Just for clarity though, this is our bedroom and landing. More than a lick of paint! Haha! We do have a list. We've sorted the roof, have just got a new bathroom. This weekend we are starting to refresh the kitchen ie all the stuff people see. But we need to get things like our bedroom sorted before we can even think of repainting the rooms which have already been "done" once.

So yeah, certain rooms won't be de-grotted even if they are spotless.

I am taking on board your other points though.

I've also spent the last few months seriously decluttering. It has made a HUGE difference!

Oh blimey that's giving me a headache just looking at it!

It all gets too much sometimes doesn't it, could your DH do that wall that will give him something to do and save money too, he needs a kick up the arse !

Wow that picture makes me understand why you feel the way you do. You've done the roof and have a new bathroom, your about to fix your kitchen next. Basically you're renovating your house and that's hard work. You're getting there SneakySnackySquirrel reward yourself with a nice bottle of sparkling wine, hang out in your nice new bathroom and admire it. Then everytime you look at anything that's yet to be finished daydream about how it's going to look when all finished.

@Alittleodd - I think I've looked at that unfuck thing before. I can't remember why but it didn't click for me. I'm in a different place now so I'll have another look. Thank you for reminding me.

@Sunnysidegold - I sort of do that with the tidying. I make a point of daily tidying the areas "stuff" accumulates. Here it's the sofas, desk and dining table. I also make sure anything on the floor is put away and the dishes are done. I do a load of washing every other day or so. It's the balance between not letting it pile up but making sure the loads are almost full. I have to put a big effort into putting washing away but it's almost a natural thing to do now.

I've recently done a HUGE declutter and sorted out better storage and it's helped soooo much.

@JadeDragon23 2hrs a day cleaning? Really? I bet your house IS spotless but there is no way I have time to do that (or if I'm honest, the inclination). I get home at about 6-630 most days. With sorting all the normal evening stuff I don't sit down until 830ish. I'm not going to add another 1-2 hours cleaning onto that!

@BeneathTheMist it's stuff like cleaning blinds that I just seem to "forget" about. The tops of doorframes wouldn't even occur to me! I really need a ceiling down list of everything don't I?

@NoSquirrels hi fellow squirrel. I posted a picture above of our bedroom. Other rooms are similar so I honestly doubt a cleaner would make that much difference at the moment. Certain rooms wpuld still look yuk so it would be a waste of money. I will however take on board the suggestion of an end of tenancy clean at some point.

@Rainbowknickers it might be counterintuitive but I have taken a stand over the oven. Either he does it (he won't) or I get someone in (I will). I am NOT stepping down over this even if that product is amazing. He needs to know I'm serious.

@FeralBeryl he'd sulk and order take away. He really would. I'd end up giving in before him. Also, flooring... kitchen and bathrooms flooring I get how to clean (I need a decent mop) but laminate... Most of our house is laminate (I hate it). It gets hovered (mostly by husband tbf) but rarely gets cleaned because the only way I know how to is on my hands with a cloth which takes ages.

@FurrySlipperBoots I agree, I've spent a few weeks decluttering. I didn't Kondo it but "stuff" isn't important to me so I don't find it too hard to be ruthless. I think the biggest difference was reorganizing the toy storage downstairs. Instead of lots of different small drawers my daughter has 5 large ones, 2 of which are for her general "stuff", rather than try to sort lots of little things into misc categories. She finds it lots easier to tidy up.

We tried to keep the cat downstairs but our house is very open plan so it didn't work!

When our old vacuum died we got a rechargeable shark. The heat and noise and weight of vacuum cleaners used to make me feel really ill but I don't get that with the shark because it's completely the opposite! I totally agree with you that it makes a big difference.

What's damp dusting?

@meccacos2 our house is small. The only real area we have downstairs (apart from a tiny kitchen) is a fairly big living / dining room. It was painted a few years ago. It does need redoing but if you see my photo above, we need to concentrate our money on other rooms before we can redo rooms that have already been done!

I think the problem is we are both untidy people and easily distracted. We'd ratger do anything other than clean but then I realised, we go to work to pay for our house but don't look after it and it doesn't feel "nice" because it's dirty. Plus, my daughter deserves better. I remember when I was younger coming home after school one say and my mum (who had depression) had washed the bathroom sink. I was amazed at how different it looked because it was rarely properly cleaned. I don't want my daughter to be like that.

@Oceanbliss oooh sugar soap. I'd never even thought of using that on "normal" walls. We've got some for cleaning the kitchen prior to painting.

@julia3006 I agree, the major declutter/tidy I've done has made a HUGE difference to how easy I find it to tidy. I think, as peopke have said, maybe I need to apply the same "blast it and maintain it" approach to cleaning.

@user1480880826 I'm working on it but if he refuses, there isn't much I can do. I refuse to live in a mess anymore and if he doesn't do his dishes etc then I (and my daughter) suffer more. I agree it is a really bad example and it is horrible to be telling her to pick up her stuff when he won't strip the bed. I am quite aware of the message I'm sending and she has noticed it too.

At the moment I am so angry with him over it all. I won't relay what happened today today because I'll cry but I need to find a way of having a conversation because he thinks I'm nagging and unreasonable and just shuts down. So we're not going to get anywhere.

@LavenderHills I'm not sure. I don't have the energy (or willingness) to think that way at the moment.

@MidnightMystery yes, the major declutter has helped so, so much. It's really helped me to keep our messy spots tidy each day.

The radiators are disgusting!

I like the idea of a job a day to get on top of things. I can do that after work. After weeks of spending weekends declutrering/tidying I don't want to spend my weekends for the foreseeable cleaning skirting boards! But it needs to be done so maybe your method would work.

@BelindasGleeTeam yep, finally feel like I've finished the declutter. It has taken sooo long and so many go overs to get here.

Yep, will be doing the list of jobs to do each evening. That feels achievable.

@Ithinkwerealonenowtiffany the husband is a different discussion I'm not ready for right now.

I guess the advantage of a small house is it should be easy(ish) to keep on top of once I'm there.

@Mumoftoo19 looking at it, TOMM looks like it includes the tidying I already do so it doesn't seem too awful to add a few things.

@BikeTart2 yes.

@MidnightMystery he struggles physically these days to do anything major. Not enough, not to help do the laundry but enough that jobs like the wall are too much for him most of the time.

@Oceanbliss Thank you.

Laundry - get more baskets, 1 for each person plus one for whites. I recently got a Kallax and labelled the boxes. So much easier and quicker, grab a box and stick it in the machine, use the box to bring the wsshing back to bedroom when dry. Can avoid doing DH's laundry altogether, he can be responsible for his own box.

I feel your pain! I have been contemplating a one off deep clean of my kitchen but am too embarrassed. However if you do plan on getting your oven cleaned I used Extreme Homecare which I saw on Facebook and they were amazing. It cost £35 on special deal.

Team Tomm all the way. I dont stick to it religiously but I do commit to a half an hr a day of some sort of cleaning in each room.

I haven't managed Friday focus yet with work and kids settling back in school but what I am doing is making a huge difference. I did a huge clear out a few weeks ago which has helped.

I also have a list of jobs I do every Sunday and it makes my life so much easier. I have alarms set on my phone. I organise all clothes hung up for the week. I also dont go to bed without out clear and uncluttered kitchen counter tops and all cushions fixed on my sofa.

It takes 10 mins and makes me feel so much more in control when I wake up.

I actually timed my self doing jobs I hate in the house. When I realised that if I dont procrastinate the worst ones take me 15-30 mins I dont really have an excuse not to now.

I have sent dh screen shots of each days jobs and if he is home he does some of them.

@Preggosaurus9 we have one basket which is kept in our bedroom. Daughter puts her dirty stuff in it too. I couldn't cope with anymore (and don't have the room for them). Plus husband finds it impossible to use the one we have, adding more won't help.

@Bottomofsmughill I'm guessing they will have seen much, much worse. You never have to see them again either afterwards so don't need to be embarrassed.

I'll look up the oven company, thank you.

@Maybe83 TOMM is sounding more and more doable. I told husband I'm making a list of chores for me, him and daughter. To say he was unhappy is an understatement. I think he genuingely thinks he does much more than he does.

Today he was off work. I asked him to speak a neighbour if he happened to see them. Before I left this morning I sorted the laundry and put a load on with the next load in front of it. I asked him to hang the washing up when it done (only towels so nothing difficult) and put the next presorted load in. He didn't. When I got cross, when I got home he said "ugh I spoke to the neighbour like you asked" in a tone that said "You're so unreasonable and it's not fair".

He knows I'm seething. I can't talk to him properly right now and he wouldn't listen anyway.

@SneakySnackySquirrel sorry I've not been online for a couple of days. Floors - mopping!! A damp not wet one and you can do your laminate. You can get cheap 'wood and laminate floor cleaner' that doesn't harm it from most supermarkets now.

Looking at your pic, your biggest problems (DH aside ) is the exposed brickwork and floorboard.
Get DD to brush the bricks with a dustpan and brush to get all the loose dust off, then if you can temporarily seal that gap/varnish over the bricks if it's going to be s while until the wall is repaired.
Get a few bits of old carpet and tack them over it if need be, it'll trap the plaster dust.

 Give the floorboard a good hoover, again DD could do her dustpan and brush job along the joins then give it a whopping mop. 

Shall we get DH blacklisted from all your local chippies too he'll have to help then....

You have a fair bit of work judging from the photo, DIY or having various workers in. It will be hard to keep a spotless house with all the work needed and in process whenever. Dont be too hard on yourself. One day it will all be perfect.

@SneakySnackySquirrel

Ikea Kallax with tags. 1 box for each person (see the gap where 1 is in the wash!). 1 box is about 1 load. Also using it to store sheets and towels. Honestly has made life much easier.

Though having read your update, the biggest problem is a DH who thinks sorting 1 or 2 loads of washing on his day off is unreasonable!

I'd stop washing his clothes completely. I only wash my DH's clothes as a special treat when I'm feeling particularly kind towards him and yes I do make a big deal out of doing it, asking him what he wants washed and giving him constant detail packed tedious updates on its progress through the washing/hanging/drying cycle .. basically the same way he used to when he bothered doing any housework.. he hates it but gets why I was so angry now!

I know you said you can't afford it but I do think paying a professional is worth every penny. I have spent the past year EXACTLY the same as you. We (me, partner, DS (4) ) moved into my house last April (2018) and it is a run down, badly converted stables. It's huge, 3 bedrooms and grim. Holes in the skirting that just seem to pour dust out of, dark corners that spiders love, tiles tearing up randomly all over the floor, carpets with stains everywhere and coming up in the corners... the list goes on I promise. Plus we live in the middle of nowhere with farmers fields everywhere and built my mum a house next door, which was finished in January. There are still constant building works going on (driveway, my work studio, garages etc) so there is just this constant flow of dust and builders in and out (my partner is the main one so I'm not allowed to complain too loud!). We were planning on starting on our house in January - completely gutting it, extending out as well as adding a complete upstairs floor. So I have been "ok" with living like we are because I figured I would have to pack up soon and move into my mothers or a mobile home while the work was being done. Then I fell pregnant!!!! Oops! I'm 15wks.
So we are leaving the work for a couple of years but that filled me with absolute dread because I have been worrying about the dust for my son anyway but for a newborn as well?!?! Plus I just felt like my days were taken up with doing the same housework everyday but not getting anywhere because I couldn't get past a certain point!!! Was driving me mad!!!! I have a giant room I dump stuff in that you could barely get in. My partners and my clothes were spread out over 3 rooms. My son's toys weren't being used because he couldn't get to them or they were covered in dust or they weren't complete because we couldnt find parts that went with them... you get the picture! I wasn't finding time for clients (I am in beauty and work from home) because I was cleaning but not getting anywhere which actually meant the house was too dusty and cluttered to work in anyway.
Anyway after my mum and partner kept telling me to not waste my money and just focus and get motivated, and me nearly having a breakdown over it because I just felt lazy (I have chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and now hyperemesis gravidarum!)... I got a cleaner! She started on Monday and was here everyday, for 5hrs a day until today. She has a couple of things left to do, like wash all the covers on the sofa cushions to completely and finally rid the place of the last of the dust, but she was given complete free rein of the house and reorganised everything. I helped sort through stuff for charity shops or eBay but the rest she just "did" and it is like a different house. Even used her secret remedy to get dried old slime off the carpet and years old red wine stains up too! While this isn't my dream house yet, I can happily bring a baby into here without and it feels like a home for the first time since we moved in.
Now she will just come once or maybe twice a week, for half days, for upkeep and I will keep tidy and basic cleaning in between.
Oh, and my mum, who said it was a waste of money and I should stop being so lazy.....???? Has just hired her for one full day a week too starting next week!
I am loving lying here on my sofa, not tasting dust in my mouth, tidy living room, son playing excitedly with his toys and NOT even asking for his iPad for the first time!!!!
We may have to cut back on a few luxuries, like eating (joke!), but it's worth it!!!!