Dc Christmas presents and in laws

[Witsendagain]

I suspect this is going to be long as there's quite a bit of background so sorry in advance:

Background:
Dh and I are very minimalist and environmentally conscious. At Christmas we will also be a year and a half into a 2 year work placement in a different country. We will be moving back to the UK with just suitcases so alot of our stuff will have be donated before we leave.
My family as a whole give money/experience presents.
MIL (&fi although mil is the driver), not so much. She is very much in the 'more is more' camp re. presents and mostly shops in large chain supermarkets and bm bargains etc.
We have a ds aged 2 at Christmas (birthday is a week after).
Last year mil did take on board our preferences to a degree but we still ended up with an extra suitcase full of presents most of which were donated before we ever came home because they duplicated things ds already had, but it wasn't too much of a problem because we were going to be here for another year and a half.

This year I have just had a massive clear out of toys that ds is just not interested in and noticed alot of the toys from mil are broken because they aren't very well made.
I would really prefer no presents but I know that part of the joy and magic for mil is for Ds to have something to unwrap from them.
I have been trying to think of things he might want or need for christmas/birthday. I have literally 3 items on my list and I can't for the life of me think of anything else.

I really want to save a repeat of last year with duplicates/ more presents than we can realistically ship back. So my aibu is that I was thinking of telling mik to get ds a specific item or nothing at all. Would this be OK?
And if I do go down that route would you give her a choice on what they get or specify one particular item?
I was thinking that one of the presents would be better because it has several components that could be split over Christmas and birthday so he has something from them for both occasions. But mil might prefer a choice? Wwyd?

You can suggest something but if she wants to buy a lot of stuff then she will

I think it would be a bit rude to say ‘Get this or get nothing.’ I just can’t think of a way you could say it without sounding nasty? Unless you use the needs-to-fit-in-a-suitcase route but that will only cover you for this year.

Just remind her that you're returning home 6 months after Christmas and won't be able to ship tons of toys back so, if she doesn't want to waste her money, you can suggest an item you know your DS will love and will get a lot of enjoyment out of. At least that way you've warned her and she can't moan if you return home without all the tat gifts she bought.

Are you visiting them? If so, suggest something like a plasma car or
scooter. It can be played with during your trip and then since it is large it will have to stay with them until you return from abroad.

Another thing could be one of those nice inflatables like the bouncy cow or bouncy horse. It will collapse down in your luggage easily.

These are all active toys that with most kids get several years of use.

I have one of these.... she will settle over time and to be honest if it brings her joy buying plastic tat and kids like opening it then that’s a nice problem to have. I tend to discretely move it on. (Bin recycle charity shop). That makes me a bad DIL. So in answer to the question smile and accept the gifts graciously.

I would say something along the lines of they would really like John Lewis [or other preferred brand] clothes for next year and perhaps a [insert consumable item of choice eg chocolate orange]

I don’t like plastic and have requested either wooden toys or books in the past, everyone obliged although probably thought I was a massive wanker. I don’t really care, I hate plastic tatty toys.

I hate waste too and my MIL is also a bugger for it, she buys streams of charity shop tat at Christmas and it always ends up back in the charity shop...

When you get back, will you have a garden? If so, would they consider buying DS a joint birthday/Christmas bigger toy for the garden in your new home? With, maybe, a token book to open on Christmas Day if that is important to her.
Otherwise, I would simply say that you are already getting rid of a lot of toys/stuff in preparation for your move, so could she please not add to it as chances are it won't make it back? If she is upset, maybe suggest one of x, y and z so that she has three options to choose from.

My mother is in the more is more camp but luckily she also asks for a list.

Not what you were asking for but have you looked at the learning resources toys? They have some great science sets.

I think specifying just one thing looks a but off to be fair- my mil is the same with wanting to buy lots of things that we don’t want or need. We also try to keep things low key gift wise. I tend to give her a list (she asks for one) with lots of smaller/useful things on. Ie new socks/pants/pyjamas/a particular Lego set DS would like/New felt pens or paints- anything we would actually use up or that the DSs would want/need.

Could you think of 2 or 3 things like this? By giving her options she will probably feel like she has a little more choice in the whole process

How about craft kits where he can use them up and they are finished with, or depending on his age an e reader so she could choose books for him

I think in your situation I would ask for a season ticket to something closeby to where you would return to or something that could stay at hers until you return.

I think a few specific items would be a good idea. Send her a letter ‘intended for Father Christmas’ well in advance.
Go for books, clothes, a season ticket or a trip including her plus a few little Duplo or Playmobil things. Even get her to open a savings account for him perhaps.

We said to in-laws last year one present only and they did stick to it. But we swung it to their advantage by pointing out that DS got overwhelmed with lots of presents and uninterested in opening more than a few. So if they got one they could definitely see him open it and be excited rather than be disappointed by seeing him walk away from unopened ones and ignoring just opened ones.

Ok thanks for all your suggestions! I think I'll get dh to give them an option of the two gifts we haven't already bought so she gets to feel good about choosing which one/ buying it/ wrapping. We will be being clear about the back in 6 months blah blah so nothing extra...
We have asked for vouchers for a particular company which does a large item that we have out eye on for when we move back. I just know mil likes ds to have something to unwrap so I wanted to give her the option of something that won't just go straight to the charity shop!
Part of the problem is that we literally don't need anything! We have loads of (too many) clothes, books and toys. I also know that because he's shown a particular liking for a certain type of toy she will buy him multiple of that even though he already has more than he can play with so I'm trying to head that off!
I do always thank her for presents and never tell her if I get rid/ always make a fuss of the ones she got him that have survived! It just makes my life slightly easier and I'd feel less guilty if the present wasn't a waste of her money/ unsustainably sourced etc!

Tell her that you donated her gifts last year and will do so again this year. You don't have any excess luggage allowance so any extras will be left behind. It would be a better use of her money to save it in the dc account for their 18th birthdays. I've done this with my dc, I've saved all their gift money and they've now got £5k each.