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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be insecure

14 replies

Littledryad · 24/09/2019 15:17

Background: My husband has always teased me about his popularity and interest from women. I have gone from being confident and secure in the past to very jealous and insecure. I talked to him about it and he said it was to toughen me up and get me used to jokes.
Last year we lost a baby. We agreed to try for another and as soon as I got pregnant he went cold. Wouldn't even mention the pregnancy until I went in to have the baby (early)
Now he loves the baby apparently (though does very little for him) but not fatherhood and is adamant no more but won't have the snip (I want more so not an issue for me) because.... His future partner may want kids.
I laughed and shoved at him as you do thinking it's one of those jokes I hate but have sort of got used to. But he said no. That seriously he had to consider these things. I laughed it off but can't get it out of my head. Who plans for a future with a different partner? I think of the saying of true word spoken in jest... And feel awkward. I don't think he's cheating as he's begged me not to 'force him' into it. (high risk pregnancy so no sex) but he is away a bit for work and now I feel so so unsure.

Ps in case it's questioned I can't have hormonal contraception as it makes me suicidal

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 24/09/2019 15:41

Wow. Who says that even if they’re thinking it!

milienhaus · 24/09/2019 15:42

Nothing he says in your post is nice at all.

SellmeyourMLMcrap · 24/09/2019 15:58

but he is away a bit for work

Sounds like a perfect opportunity to change the locks.

If that won't work I'd consider couples counselling, I can only think that he doesn't realise the affect his behaviour is having on you and speaking about it in a controlled environment should give him that understanding. Once he understands, if he continues then I'd class him as an abusive cock and ditch the prick.

SteelRiver · 24/09/2019 16:34

He sounds like a conceited, arrogant bully! Wow. I'm astonished that he would speak to you in this way. I would be talking to him again and tell him if his behaviour doesnt change, there will be serious consequences for your relationship and family. You do not deserve to be spoken to like this. He's completely changed you from what you say. You need to get back to the previous confident and happy version of you. Seems like he may just not up to the task of being a loving & supportive partner to you, and a good, nurturing dad to his child.

AngusThermopyle · 24/09/2019 16:37

Your husband is a dick. You and your baby deserve better.

keo8260 · 24/09/2019 17:08

You mention high risk pregnancy so no sex, I take it your partner is refusing to use condoms? Or does he expect you to have an op? The fact that he is planning on a just in case is very strange and suggests he is not fully committed. He does also sound very cruel and it's not surprising you are feeling insecure. I think you need to discuss this further with him possibly with counselling.

boptist · 24/09/2019 17:11

Is this what you want from a relationship?

BobbyNewport · 24/09/2019 17:11

So he doesn't want any more kids with you but he won't have the snip in case a future partner wants kids?

Sorry OP, but he sounds like a complete dick.

PennyNotSoWise · 24/09/2019 17:17

Jesus, YANBU. I think anyone would be insecure with this fucking toad putting shit like this in their heads.

Is he controlling or possessive of you OP? I'm just wondering because it seems to me like he might be saying these things as a way to keep you in line. Make you scared to "fuck up" or disobey him in any way in case he leaves for someone else. Sounds like a control tactic to me. "I have all these women just waiting to be with me, so you behave Littledryad, else I'll be off."

Either way, it's no way to live with someone grinding you down like this all the time. It'll wear you out completely if it continues.

BossAssBitch · 24/09/2019 17:18

I can’t believe what I have just read.

What are you doing with this creature, OP?

Stephminx · 24/09/2019 17:32

Ditch him.

You are not to “make him cheat” ... really ? What an arse.

MyNameIsArthur · 24/09/2019 17:47

He sounds like a complete twat OP Flowers

Gazelda · 24/09/2019 18:05

He is cruel. I can't imagine anyone being so cruel to someone they love.

I'd be planning a life without him.
And for the record, it's not you, it's him.

meccacos2 · 24/09/2019 20:12

Wtf?! Change the locks.

He is considering leaving you already?!

He is doing this on purpose to make you insecure.

A normal person doesn’t say this.

I would leave him now.

A normal person, who doesn’t want kids, gets a vasectomy.

A normal person, who has had a vasectomy, but decides later they want kids, has that vasectomy reversed.

He is putting all the contraception stress on you which is abusive as he knows you can’t take the pill.

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