Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family didn't acknowledge my birthday

16 replies

kay1217 · 24/09/2019 14:05

It was my 31st birthday last week and apart from cards and small presents (the usual chocolate, flowers and a bottle of wine that I don't like) from the dh and dd's I got nothing. Nothing off my mum not even a card. Last year all I got was a card even tho it was the big 30, she promised to get me something after as she was skint and I'm still waiting. When it was my older dB 30th he got a meal with all the family and a new ipad as well as a few other bits and pieces. It's my younger brothers 18th in a few weeks and my mum has already spent over £100 on him plus is taking him to London for the weekend. All I get is a phone call at 2pm to say happy birthday then for her to go on about how ill she felt and how skint she was, then she moaned that my dh wasn't taking me out for a meal. I didn't even want to go out, I wanted to spend time with my family and she couldn't even be bothered to drive 20 mins to come see me (me and dh dont drive so couldn't go to her) . Then there's my dad's side (I'm nc with dad) of the family who didn't even bother to ring, was the same last year nothing off them but they make a great deal out of all my cousin birthday. I get that I live 3/4 hrs away from them but surely they could ring. Am I being unreasonable or am I right to be upset that not 1 of my extended family gave a hoot about my birthday

OP posts:
Paddington68 · 24/09/2019 14:10

I am sorry. Hugs.

MulticolourMophead · 24/09/2019 14:12

OP, it's not nice being ignored in this way. There's a core of people on MN, who compete with each other over how much they don't celebrate a birthday.

But this is different when both of your brothers have/had their birthdays acknowledged and yours ignored.

I guess the first thing is to talk to your mum and ask why you are being treated differently. But be prepared for excuses and defensiveness, and comments of the "don't be so silly" type as people often don't like being called out.

AlwaysCheddar · 24/09/2019 14:24

Your family now should be your dh and kids. Focus on them rather than those who can’t be arsed. On the bright side, just exchange (give) cards now on. Happy birthday!

zeezee3 · 24/09/2019 14:26

@kay1217

YANBU, how sad for you to be ignored.

Do the same to them when their birthdays come up. See how they like it!!!

Happy (belated) birthday by the way. Flowers

Teddybear45 · 24/09/2019 14:28

I get this too. Mum made a big deal about my siblings’ birthdays and mil makes a huge deal about everyone’s birthdays on DH’s side, but I’m always forgotten. This behaviour has extended into baby showers too - neither family threw me one

hopefulandstrong · 24/09/2019 14:57

It's sounds like your dm is just more into the boys.
My nans like this and my dm is her only daughter. She always says even in front of my dm that she prefers her boys.
Sorry - happy birthday by the way Wine

Zebraaa · 24/09/2019 15:06

Similar with my family. I get just a card. When I said I was sad about it my partner asked “do you actually need a present?” Well, no. I’d be sad if they hadn’t got me a card though Flowers

SilentNightTime · 24/09/2019 15:15

Oh sweetie I am so sad for you ((hugs))
Belated happy birthday for last week Cake Flowers
That sort of favouritism really hurts. Do you think she values sons over daughters? My mother is similar, but not as bad. I'm the only one of my siblings in a relationship, and I wonder if she thinks my siblings need her to make an effort, but she doesn't need to for me.
My relationship with mother means I would find asking why a display of weakness, and just try harder to be' worthy'. Luckily counselling has helped with some of that.
I wonder if it's time to make your family of choice the centre of your world, discuss with DH how you feel, and stick to cards only for mother.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 24/09/2019 15:27

So sorry Flowers that's very hurtful. I'd be inclined to give her the cold shoulder and let her stew in her own juice, till maybe she rumbles the fact that you aren't happy with her. If the occasion arises, maybe you could set out your grievances as you have done so here and let her draw some conclusions. If she has any nous, she really ought to see how she has favoured your siblings over you in a most shameful manner.

Best wishes to you in the meantime.

Original poster
kay1217 · 24/09/2019 16:56

Thank you. Honestly thought I was being a big baby as it wasnt a big birthday. I know my birthday brings back memories for my dm, my 8th birthday my dad sent her divorce paper, which arrived during my party., he was in the raf living in another country but we still didn't have a clue he had shacked up with some dumb blonde, to be honest tho it was probably the best thing he did. I'm more hurt that his side of the family didn't acknowledge my birthday, I'm really close to my auntie and speak to nan most weeks, I didn't this week as was hurt I didnt get a card

OP posts:
SilentNightTime · 24/09/2019 20:04

That is really strange. Would it be easier to ask you aunt or nan?
You really aren't being a big baby. This stuff is painful!

MulticolourMophead · 24/09/2019 20:11

Honestly thought I was being a big baby as it wasnt a big birthday.

Given that you still haven't had something for last year's big birthday, despite promises, you are definitely not being a big baby. You're entitled to feel crap at being treated differently.

And it's sad that none of them even bothered to call.

Mummyshark2019 · 24/09/2019 20:15

Being ignored and not made to feel special sucks on your birthday. I know. It happens to me almost every year despite me always going over and above for everyone else. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself. Then if ore everyone else on their birthday if you can. X

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 24/09/2019 21:33

I'm sorry. My family is like that. I live away at uni, on my birthday I got a text from my mam and a little post on facebook from my sisters, I don't use facebook. My a couple of my nieces and nephews who have phones text or called. One sister facetimed with her toddler. When one of my nieces and one of my nephews had their birthdays away at unis further away there were extended family trips and gifts/care packages sent.

I expect nothing else now really but its still crushing. Thankfully I've wonderful uni friends who baked me a cake, bought me a novelty gift a gift bag and some cards.

LordNibbler · 24/09/2019 21:58

I feel sad for you. It's horrible when you get different treatment to your siblings. And when no one can be bothered to even send you a card. My advice is to return the compliment to them all. And say well I got you what you got me, just in a bigger box. It probably won't solve or alter anything, but there's really no need for you to bother with people who don't bother with you. If you just ignore what they did, and continue to send them stuff, it condones what they did. See how they feel being left out.

Original poster
kay1217 · 25/09/2019 17:48

Well I spoke to my mum today and she didn't realise how upset I was not receiving a card from her, we had a big cuddle and she has promised she will try harder, she's taking me out for lunch next week when she gets paid. I still haven't spoken to my aunt or nan, I'm gonna let them stew for a another week or 2 before I think about ringing them as doubt they will ring me

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread