To allow my parents to still upset me

[Sweettalking]

I’ve name changed as this is fairly outing and I don’t want to link to other posts.

I’m fairly low contact with my parents, I live a long drive from them and see them rarely. My sister lives quite close and has a much better relationship with our parents. This situation has developed over 25 years so I’m fairly resilient to it. My parents are elderly and I feel I should make an effort to see them but every time I do I feel really rubbish afterwards.

Having just returned home from a visit I’m finding my thoughts are overrun with comments they made and very negative emotions. They kept calling us guests, where my sister is family. I was very upset at a comment made that at an upcoming event they’d have all the family together, but I won’t be there?!

My sister has four children, I was unable to have children but I have three step children who they show no interest in.

AIBU to be upset still?

It is quite understandable that you are upset. When we have a difficult relationship with those we are meant to be close to, we keep going back to see if things have changed and feel let down again when they haven’t. And your sister is there getting it right, which hurts even more.
Allow yourself to have these feelings but don’t let them take over. Can you talk to your husband or a close friend? Talk it through, then push it away and get on with your own life.

Thank you that’s a very kind and helpful message.

I've found therapy really helpful in allowing me to unpick my complicated family dynamic and it understand it a bit more.

Sending a hug. It's a very hard and sad thing to experience.