To want to say something when I probably shouldn't?

[LOALM]

Bit of a complicated one to explain, bear with.

MIL is very pro Brexit, and of a generally anti-immigration mindset. I am not. I try and avoid talking to her about the topic/s as we have had an up and down relationship over the years and even though I strongly disagree with her views (and in particular the way in which she expresses them), I don't want to cause a rift in that side of the family. For extra context, if/when MIL and I are not seeing eye to eye, my DH and FIL rarely see each other, and they have a strong relationship.

Recently, she's taken to sharing some really offensive and, in my view, very ignorant posts on FB. The most recent one being about Muslims and wearing poppies, with a quite vulgar sentiment to them. I'm appalled TBH, and I REALLY want to say something, but feel I can't for above reasons. I've unfollowed her on FB (bit passive-aggressive I know, but at least for now I simply won't see it), and have told my DH that I'm starting to feel like I just don't want to associate with her at all, and in particular don't want my DS exposed to that sort of rhetoric.

I'm really struggling with saying nothing to her (it feels like complicity), but I know if I do it could well explode, I'd be made to feel like the one in the wrong, and I really don't want my DH and FIL to suffer (or indeed my DS and his gdad). Is unfollowing the best I can do? WWYD?

I'd delete her as a friend on Facebook. At least that way you are not associated if people check her friends list to see who actually puts up with her opinions.

Unfollowing is totally fine. I do it all the time!

Defriending is a bit more serious.

To be honest I’d leave it. Unless she brings it up face to face.

My step mum puts up Brexit posts and I’ve unfollowed her but I don’t engage. I’d call her out face to face but I’ve no energy for a social media war.

I personally think it's a generation thing.

Younger people are much more open minded.

You won't change her opinion and you're not tainted by association so I'd ignore.

Younger people are much more open minded
Another sweeping generalisation from someone who presumably thinks they are open- minded!

Just 'unfollow' her.
Then her posts will not appear.
When you want to, you can look at her posts.
I think defriending her would cause more issues.

@LOALM
I see someone has said your MIL is entitled to her opinion I agree with that .
However no one reasonable would accept racist and abusive comments or posts - it constitutes a hate crime .
So unfollow her and don't be drawn into any dialogue with her as she's unfortunately unlikely to change . If she attempts to influence your son your DH and yourself will have to have a difficult discussion with her where she has to decide whether her nasty views are worth losing the respect of you as a family unit .

Don't ruin your DH's relationship with his dad over this.

I post snopes links on a relative's page when he shares false stuff. Fortunately he responds pleasantly, though I know I won't have changed his mind. Alternatively, unfollow, snooze or defriend her, if you think you responding at all will light a fire.

I know it's really hard not to engage.But let's face it, you're not going to change her.

As an over 60 Grauniad reader, I only yesterday quietly unfriended someone 20 years younger than I am who shared a particularly unpleasant, unkind post which has been doing the rounds in DM circles, about school-children protesting about climate change being snowflakes with no right to protest as it was all their own fault in the first place. It was so gratuitously nasty and yet self-righteous that I couldn't comment without being quite rude so I decided I no longer wanted to see any of her posts (it's not the first time I've been dismayed by her attitudes). That is the first time I've unfriended someone because of their views (there would have been one more but he got there first!) and it's quite a nice feeling!

I would delete her from social media, and if I heard her talking about it I’d reduce the amount of time she spent with my children and tell her why. She sounds vile.

OP you could be me! It's quite uncanny how similar our MIL situation is.
I've just unfollowed her on social media. If I unfriended her it would cause a diplomatic incident that we would not come back from. Face to face, we just do not talk about brexit, politics etc. We've had a couple of major fallings out when I have challenged her, and I just can't be arsed with it anymore so we just talk about fluff and irrelevant stuff.
When I've seen something offending that she's done, like share British First posts for example, I've had DH call her out.
I wouldn't keep her away from my children. She's a very good nan and would not discuss anything controversial when they are around. But equally my kids live in a diverse area, are very aware of what racism is, are Remainers () and have equality and inclusivity instilled into them at home and school. They would give nana short shrift in that wonderful honest way that children do, if she tried any racist shit in their presence!

So I spoke to DH last night and he said that he was also really shocked by her post as well, and that if she posts again like that he will say something to her. Feel like that's a bit of a win?!