To ask for your advice regarding neighbour?

[posunder]

I live with DD 16 and DS13, at the end of a row of terraces. There is a neighbour 2 doors down who lives with his wife and primary school aged child. He is extremely chatty, which at first I thought was just friendliness but he always goes out of his way to catch me and DD when we come out of our house or are going in.

DD said she was walking up the terrace yesterday on her way home from college and said neighbour was sat in his work van with his mate (said mate hangs around here often) and as she walked past she heard one of them say her name to the other one! She then says she walked faster and then the neighbour proceeded to follow her up the path for about 2 metres, say her name to get her to turn around, and then said "Hiya" to her with a grin before proceeding to go into his house.

DD says it felt flirty and uncomfortable, especially since she heard one of them whisper her name to the other one. She is very attractive and I'm not just saying that, she always turns heads when we're in town. I know technically he hasn't done anything wrong or broken any laws but DD says it felt very icky. Keep in mind he's mid 30s and she's less than 10 years older than his child.

Does anybody have any advice? With it just being me and my kids I feel a bit helpless.

bump

Hi there
Even is he didn't want to do something wrong, your child feels uncomfortable near her own home.
May be you should talk to him?
If you feel helpless, how should your children feel?

Grim, but what can you do? Just ignore or avoid. You could mention to him, or pop a note through his door "sorry about this but dd says she gets creepy old perve vibes from you - no offence, you know what teenage kids are like, but would you mind just ignoring her and not talking to her from now on? Thanks so much.'

I'd pop by and see his wife! Ask her if she could get him to stop perving over your child!

Also tell your DD that she does not have to be polite to him. Tell her to just blank him - she should not engage in eye contact or respond to his cat calls or comments. Just keep walking and ignore him.

I agree with Fan she should ignore and not respond. Unfortunately we are conditioned to be polite but in this instance she should just walk past.

Is it possible to set up a camera from one of your windows that would show the route she walks to the house? If his behavior continues, at least you will have a record of times etc

I agree with @FanSpamTastic and @PercythePile.

I don’t agree that going to his wife to complain about his behaviour is the right thing to do- she cannot stop him doing anything and is not responsible for his behaviour. Even supposing she did have a word with him (would she believe you? Especially if he denies all knowledge)- how can she stop it happening again? How would she know?

By all means tell her if you feel it is information she should know (and I can see why you might). But as your neighbour and his friend have done something that is inappropriate, I think you need to address it with them directly and not make it the responsibility of a 3rd party.

It sounds like this man was showing off to his friend, which is bloody pathetic for a man in his 30s. What a dickhead. And how dare he make your daughter feel uncomfortable.

I agree with the PP who said you should make it clear to your daughter that she absolutely doesn't have to be polite to him - if she wants to tell him in very strong words to f off and leave her alone, she's well within her rights, neighbour or not. If he keeps doing it, I would approach him and tell him yourself to leave her alone (and threaten to have a word with his wife if he doesn't).

Does he actually know how young she is, too? My niece is tall and pretty and even though she didn't wear a lot of makeup, used to get regularly chatted up by grown men when she worked in a clothes shop. She would bluntly point out that she was an actual child and they would usually back off in horror. Not that his behaviour would be OK even if your DD was in her 20s, but there's a small chance he might at least have a line that he'd draw.

Tell your child to blank him. Tell the bloke to stay away from her or you’ll call the police.

I don’t think you should advise your DD to blank him. She should learn to confront this behaviour, in an assertive manner, she will get more of it to come. Call him out on it and explain very clearly that his behaviour is offensive and could have an intimidating effect on young women (doesn’t in her though). Let
him know explicitly that she would prefer if he did not lech over her with his mate in earshot of her or her home. Of course you go with her to neighbours and say all this on her behalf if she is intimidated, but make sure you communicate well with her first what and why she says this, or she might just shut down and let you do it.

If she has a feeling of being uncomfortable then go with that and watch him as first intuition is usually right. Have a word with Him about personal space invasion and to keep his distance.

What has he actually done wrong apart from talking to your dd?
I'm not saying her feelings are invalid but seriously going to tell him to stop perving over your daughter because he said hi?

Tell her to ignore him, even if he calls her name. If he says anything to you, just blame it on teenagerness. You live two doors down so there's zero point in rocking the boat. Teach her it's ok to ignore men who are clearly after a reaction.

You live two doors down so there's zero point in rocking the boat.
Good grief, predatory male-appeasment at its finest.

You live two doors down, so it's imperative your DD feels safe & comfortable. It's up to you to lead the way in this OP. Next time he follows her, ask him what he thinks he's playing at, & tell him he's to act respectfully around your child.