To ask can someone tell me what's wrong with me?

[stripeytshirt1]

I've come here as a I have nowhere else to turn. I've tried talking to multiple people and I get nowhere, nobody understands.

I'm a young mother of two, and I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my third. My dad died last year and with his inheritance I bought and renovated a house. I live with my partner, my children, and my mum has her own room here as she gets lonely since dads gone. I was out of work for a long time until around 6 months ago I found a job and until now it was fine. The manager now seems to hate me, she makes things up about me constantly. We also work to targets, and she constantly takes customers away from me to give to my other colleagues. Other people have also noticed this. I hate it there. I've stopped going in, my anxiety is sky high and I've become incredibly depressed. I feel like such a failure. I doubt anyone else will want to employ me because I'm so heavily pregnant. I was thinking about starting my own small furniture business from home (I'm very good at upcycling - have sold many of my items before and I really enjoy it) but nobody (my partner or mum) takes this seriously. I feel extremely depressed and a huge let down to my family. I don't know what to do. I just sit around like a total loser all the time dreading work calling me and asking me why I'm not there. I just need someone to talk to. Why can't I just stick it out?

Your body and emotions have been subjected to enormous pressures- pregnancy, parenthood, the loss of your dad, a new house, your mum moving in...

It's not unreasonable to be overwhelmed. Maybe you need a little more time before taking on work outside the home as well.

Be kind to yourself. Be sensible- go and see the GP and explain the situation. He may give you a sick note which will give you time to think.

Just do what makes you happy.
This is about you.
You have achieved a lot.
You sound remarkably wonderful.
Stick the job out until you qualify for maternity pay and enjoy your family your home and your life.
There's a lot more to life than putting up with that rubbish every day.
In fact you should call your manager out on their behaviour.
Why on earth would she hate you?
Jealousy?

If you want to continue working where you are, you can keep a record of all the instances where you are being, sidelined/undermined, then raise a grievance with HR. If you don't want to do this, I doubt you will be happy continuing to work there. Would you be able to continue there until you go on maternity leave, assuming you will eligible for pay?

If not, I would probably leave with full explanation of why, then have a go at building your business, obviously this would have its own challenges with a small family.
Good luck OP.

Sorry I meant to preview my first post but posted by mistake.
I'm sorry about your loss. It's even more reason not to let someone make you feel so unhappy. As if you need that.
You know what your dad would say?

You are not a let down, whether you have a job or not

There is nothing wrong with you. You have had a lot to deal with and no doubt your pregnancy is causing your hormones to be all over the place. You care too much about what other people think about you - your manager, colleagues, mother & dp. You need to let go of living your life according to other people's expectations. Do what you want to do for you, work on liking yourself a lot more. Go into your job with a different attitude. Do your job well and stop thinking about the others. Create your new business no matter what others think. Take back your power. x

I feel extremely depressed and a huge let down to my family.

Please see your GP and tell them this is how you think, because this is how people think when they have depression.
You can't just shake it off and it doesn't mean you are weak. Don't muck about with St Johns Wort, get some proper anti depressants. Find the one that works for you and take them.
You might also find a magnesium supplement will help, and you should get tested for anemia and thyroid function.

After you get blood tests and meds, you can start to work on the way you think about stress and grief.

A loss, a move & a pregnancy is a huge amount of stress, no wonder you feel this way . As to the job,life's too short, HR could intervene but then there'd still be an atmosphere IME. Why not cut your losses & use this time to get something else or even temp while you build your up scaling business on the side? Then when your have the baby do it on its own & see how it goes & if it turns out its only ever a p/t income, just work at something else too to top up your £.

stripey You need to be kind to yourself, you have just bought and renovated a house, lost your Dad and let your Mum move in, you have 2 children are heavily pregnant and a boss who is scared of your abilities and who is doing her best to punish you.
Get signed off by your Doctor and rest as much as you can until this little one arrives.
Tell your Mother and your partner that you have had enough of their negativity, remind them just what you have done in the past. Ask your Mum why she doesnt take you seriously and that if your work isnt good enough why is she living under your roof. As for your partner it is time to have serious word with him also.
Be kind to your self and rest