To be so gutted about breastfeeding

[babybrain77]

Posting here because I'm pretty sure I need to be told to get over myself...

DS is nearly 7 months old and I think we are coming to the end of BF, and I am gutted. Like really gutted.

Some backstory:
Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have ever done. It was agony for over 2 months. DS had a bad tongue tie which they cut at 3 weeks old, I had a couple of bouts of mastitis and recurring nipple thrush. All the while, I had infected stitches and couldn't really stand or walk without help for the first 2 weeks. DS was a big baby - nearly 11lbs - and wanted to feed constantly. I was in a pretty dark place for the first 6 weeks and pretty much cried my way through every feed (and most of the other events of the day!)

I started combination feeding when he was 10 days old and he has always been happy with a bottle. He goes through the odd day or two where he will demand only bottle or only breast but normally he's happy with what he's given.

Fast forward to now, I'm back at work (since he was just under 4 months) and up until last week the feeding was going great. I was able to leave the office at lunchtime for a feed and had settled at 4-5 feeds over 24 hours. He's weaning now and loving his solids.

Over the last 10 days or so, he seems to have lost interest in feeding on the breast. This coincides with me deciding I want to lose the baby weight and cutting out a lot of junk calories (but still eating plenty, just healthily). My let down seems to be taking forever (often a solid 3-4 minutes of DS trying) and it's gone from the highlight of my day to a horrible experience for both of us. Sometimes the milk doesn't let down at all and I give up after 5 mins and give him a bottle. I'm still expressing if I haven't done one of my 4-5 feeds.

So here is my AIBU - AIBU to be so devastated that this is how it ends? I was desperate to have a positive end to BF after an awful start and I really wanted to continue feeding for a while longer. But my mood seems to be so tied to whether he's having good feeds or not, and he seems so miserable, that it just doesn't seem right to force it for longer. Help!

Please don’t beat yourself up over this. You have done amazingly and done so well to overcome the problems you had at the start. So many women would have given up. Breastfeeding is very emotional and it’s natural to feel upset that it’s coming to an end. Don’t deny your feelings; allow yourself time to mourn the breastfeeding and try to enjoy the time you have left. Is your baby now having solid food? That might be why he’s taking the boob less. Sometimes babies just dictate what they want to do and you can’t help that.

It’s interesting that you say your moods seem to dictate whether you have a good feed or not. Breastfeeding needs the hormone oxytocin to be effective (the same hormone which gets labour going) and stress prevents this from happening. If you are worked up/worried about every feed, you are probably a bit stressed and this will affect the production of oxytocin which will affect your supply. It might explain why your let down is taking so long. Try to enjoy each feed as it comes, make yourself comfortable and try not to stress. Staying nice and relaxed will get the milk flowing and give a better feed. Hope this helps a bit.

You’ve been doing so well, you should be proud of yourself! I can totally see why you want BF to end on a positive note but don’t forget your mental health is also a priority- you shouldn’t carry on BF if it’s detrimental to yourself to the point where you and baby are thoroughly miserable, and if that means stopping then so be it. Having a happy baby and happy mama is so important, especially as he’s so young. You don’t want to miss this time with him by being miserable/upset/stressed all the time.

Hope this helped and good luck!

You've given him an amazing start, he's had heaps of goodness from you because you persevered when times were hard. Now your baby needs a mum who is happy. I stopped with #1 at 8 months not because it was hard but because I was trying to fix her shit sleep, she took to it like a duck to water. #2 (11m) is still on breastmilk but he's got teeth and that shit hurts, I'm thinking of giving up because I can't stand it and it's negatively affecting our bond because I don't want to feed him. You're not alone x

Sounds a little like my story tbh. DS was 10lb 11, constant feeding, rocky start, a lot of pain, started on one bottle of formula a day from around 3 weeks untill about 5 months, but luckily I avoided stitch and nipple infections.

DS got oral thrush at 10.5 months and went on a nursing strike that we never recovered from, I'd not long started back at work and it hit me hard emotionally. I ended up on medication for PND, I think I'd been struggling along for ages and this just tipped me over. That was 2 months ago and things are so much better now. I mourned for breastfeeding for about 6 weeks, but now I look back fondly on the time.

It's amazing what you've achieved, you should be proud!

Yanbu

I had a few months of pain and struggles before bfing became a second nature.

When we stopped (ds happened to be a little older than your baby, admittedly), I found it emotional, even though ds had basically decided to stop himself almost overnight. There's a big hormonal shift on top of the mental shift you have to go through.

The thing that made me accept it much more easily was that we had both avoided the alternative I was concerned about.. A toddler who didn't want to stop at a time I felt like I wanted to /had to. So, basically, it was an easy end for ds, which was great... I could manage my own feelings about it much better knowing he was happy with it.

Just a thought... Maybe your situation feels a little different

You have done an amazing job!
7 months is fantastic and if stopping is best for you then it's the best thing to do.

I run a breastfeeding group in my area and I'm always shocked and infuriated about how easy some healthcare professionals make breastfeeding out to be to new mums when it can often be so difficult.

Be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.

When I weaned my eldest it was because I was tandem feeding her along with my newborn and it was too much for me (I was getting terrible aversion and starting to struggle physically) and I felt terribly guilty for taking her source of comfort away but by doing that she got a much less tired and stressed mother.
It wasn't how I wanted to end our journey as we had a tough start too but it was definitely for the best.
Whatever choice you make will be for the best too.

It's always a shame when it's over, but you've done amazing to get through all those challenges!

Be proud of yourself and also be happy that it's a mutual thing. I had to wean first 2 as I went back to work and expressing wasn't an option (high lipase). With number 3 she self weaned and it was so much nicer for us both. xxx

YANBU exactly but I think you may be being a little hopeful when you say that you want a "positive end" to breastfeeding. Ime breastfeeding ends one of 2 ways - either you get fed up and draw a line under it, or they get fed up and start refusing (or bite you). I'd say your ds drawing a line under it is much better than the guilt you feel when they're 2 and still wanting to feed and you just want it all to end.

Oh OP - you aren’t being unreasonable at all

Breast feeding is so wonderful for lots of reasons and triggers lots of emotions so of course you have every right to be upset about how things seem to be coming to an end.

I imagine most mothers want the breast feeding relationship to end in terms they will feel comfortable with and in a way that they are emotionally ready for and sadly that hasn’t happened for you.

Bar a 9 month break between my two children, I have been breast feeding for 5.5 years straight now and I’m dreading the thought of this part of my life coming to an end and I can only hope that when it does happen it’s when both me and my son are ready for it.

You have done an amazing thing so be proud of the wonderful start you have given to your child and allow yourself to feel sad about things. However, you also need to pick yourself up, realise you can’t change what has happened and move forwards whilst still knowing you did something really special even if it didn’t end as you’d like