Coparenting

[Mumm101]

So I’ve been looking after my child pretty much just me for the last 5 years. Now the dad (my ex) wants to be involved and wants me to distance my child from my new partner (been together a year) and wants to know where we go and what we do every weekend he doesn’t have our child. We are going through mediation but I don’t know what’s considered reasonable in terms of new partners any suggestions ?

So your ex is a stranger to your child and wants to start building a relationship with them starting now?

He can go jump dictating anything about your life and decisions!

Sounds less like parenting and more like him marking his turf. Tell him to stick his 'plan' up his arse.

I have the same opinion, with him turning up unannounced when he’s told he can’t gave him because our son has football that weekend I just don’t know what I can do to stop him intruding on my life he feels 2 years before my child can have a relationship with my partner is acceptable after he’s been introduced. My concern is I don’t want to pull my son into a messy custody battle :/ anyone been through anything similar ?

Ridiculous. My ex doesn't get to know all my plans and vice versa and in spite of his efforts he's not gone longer than 2 months without contact with his children.
It sounds like you've found happiness and it's bothering him.

It's none of his business!!! Does he have a court order to see your DC, if not tell him to get one.

No no court order he’s just beat me to a mediator I’ve been putting a formal parenting agreement together to go to a mediator to get him to sign and agree to things but he’s not got anything

I don’t even always tell DH what I plan to do with the kids when he is at work and we live together.

He has no say in what you do when you are with your child nor when you introduce a partner,though if your son knows your partner then distancing him will confuse him.
How long has he been back and how are you reestablishing a relationship between them?

I just feel abit at a loss for 5 years he’s had his 5 minutes here and there with our son and now he has more time on his hands he’s jumping in trying to call the shots

Why has he come out of the woodwork now? And how old is DC?

Hang on, he wants you to wait 2 years to introduce a partner but he wants to jump straight in to shared care?

He doesn’t get to know your life, ignore him.

“That’s not really for me to say, we’ll discuss it with the mediator”

Was he controlling like this when you were together?

He needs to agree a set timetable. Gentle at first whilst he gets to know him. Then regular.

He has no right to dictate anything about your life. He is a fool.

Unfortunately I doubt he will listen and it will end up being court or nothing. He wont do court as it costs money, but he will harass you to the point where you stop contact. Then in his mind he can walk away with his head held high, blaming you.

Because he had an accident which has left him unable to work and now has nothing better to do. Dc is 6. He was controlling but one of those situations your aware of once your out of the relationship. Unfortunately he will qualify for legal aid and I won’t because of my savings and with working full time I earn over the threshold. Thanks for the support on that it’s unreasonable where he’s coming from

@Mumm101

You can't get legal aid for child custody applications. My ex is on benefit only and he has been turned down for this. There are limited circumstances where legal aid is available.

Mediation he can get legal aid for. That's why it may be better just to refuse this stranger access altogether.