Large age gaps

[Blue101]

Not really AIBU, so hope it’s ok to ask on here. I’m after (positive mostly) feedback from those who have children with larger age gaps (5 plus years). A lot of friends talk about having had children within 2 years as they’ll be closer etc etc...so is it true?

Most adults I know tend to be closer if there’s a bigger age gap. My sister and I have two years between us and don’t get on at all. My children have 8 years between them. It works in our family. There’s no right or wrong gap. Choice or circumstances dictate the gap so don’t worry, either way it could be great.

There is a large gap between my sister and me. You have to be prepared for a very different dynamic to normal sibling relationships. My sister was a mother figure to me really rather than am equal sibling. That dynamic only really changed when I hit my 20s. Our lifestages have always been quite different but the difference has got smaller from adulthood onward. Sometimes you can tell we come from different generations by our differing outlook. Tech use is a biggy but I think some of the broad differences between generation x and y do hold true for us.

I have an 18 year old and 2 year old, both girls both by my husband of 20 years. I won't go in to it as it takes to long but after 2 failed rounds of IVF and all the heartache that goes with that we gave up.
Along came our baby naturally out the blue. We all were absolutely thrilled. My then 16 year was in the delivery room and cut the cord (dads a wimp) and was in awe from day 1.
Obviously the relationship is different but there is no less love. I don't think it's right or wrong to have an age gap or not it's whatever works for you and yours. They are sisters and an age gap makes that no less true. The oldest takes the youngest the park and plays with her all the time.
We've just come back from holiday and it was great, the littlest has gave us all a boost.

At the moment activities which suit both aren't too much of a hassle. DS2 comes along to DS1's things and is currently amused by just exploring or bringing a book etc. I'm sure this won't last. If we do stuff for DS2 when DS1 is around, he enjoys joining in as a helper.

Stuff they have done together

Swimming
Park (DS1 goes off playing Pokemon on his phone, but does get bored)
Walks
Pottery painting workshop place
Soft play

About to take them both to Legoland in a couple of weeks, so I will let you know how that goes :)

It soon becomes obvious that everyone's opinion and experiences are different even with the same age gaps, doesn't it.

As for me - I'm the youngest of 3 - brothers 8 and 13 years older than me. Sadly my eldest brother died in his 40s but I barely knew him, as he left home before I could really remember living with him, I have a good relationship with my other brother but I wouldn't say we're close. Growing up I felt a bit like an only child and I think my middle brother just got annoyed with having a little sister hanging around. I did get on with them once we reached adulthood though and wish I could've known my eldest brother better.

So when I had my own children I wanted them close together - and ended up with 16 months between the first 2 then another 21 months. It was hard work but so worth it - they're very close but independent of eachother (I think the order helped them not live in each others pockets - boy, girl, boy). They're all in their 20s now and make an effort to see eachother despite not living close by and are a good support to eachother.

My husband was also the youngest of 3 (2 older sisters) but with small age gaps of 2-3 ish years each time and they're not close at all. They get on ok but he's not bothered if he doesn't see them from one year to the next! But that's more to do with the type of people they all are.

14 years between brother and sister. No issues whatsoever and they both get on so well.

Age doesn't have anything to do with how close they will be. Sure, the growing up together will be different but not better or worse. People give too much emphasis on age.

My oldest 2 are 19 and 20, my youngest 2 are 15 months and 11 weeks. The older 2 absolutely adore their 2 little sisters but fought like cat and dog themselves and I'm waiting to see whether my 2 little DD's will be close 😬

There's 6 years between me and my brother. We aren't close but we don't have much in common, get on fine though. There is 5 years between my children (Just the way it worked out) I see people who have kids close together and think no thanks, not for me. I'm a childminder aswell 😂 that's fine during the day, but I need my sleep!

I have 4.
6,4,2 and 5 months. They have their moments but also love each other to death. nothing to do with age gaps. I think it is down to personalities

There is 15 years between my dad and his sister (20 between him and his brothers)
(I think he was a happy surprise or a bloody huge shock at the time!)
He is now in his late 60’s and hadn’t spoken to any of them since he was 19
There is 2 1/2 years between me and my younger brother (6 years between me and twin brothers)
I’ve not spoken to any of them for the last 9 years
Either my family is odd or no age gap is perfect

I have 2 sons. One will be 12 in February and the other is 2 in December. They are very close. Big brother is so lovely with his baby brother. They laugh and play together all the time. There are times where it’s hard to find things to do to amuse both, but so far we are absolutely loving the age gap. I think it’ll be interesting when DS1 hits his late teens, he probably won’t want to spend time with us or his brother. Having said that, there’s 8 years between me and my sister and I always loved spending time with her when I was a teenager and we are very close now.

5 years between my two. No jealousy at all- eldest was at school when youngest arrived- and understood better. The only time I really noticed the gap was when eldest stopped coming on holiday with us but youngest still had to so was, essentially, an only child!

4 years for us, works well for us

I know plenty of adults with brilliant relationships with their siblings with age gaps from 18 months to 15 years plus and plenty who barely see or speak to each other with a similar range - imo it's down to the individuals not the age gap. We have a 6 year age gap with ours and it's been great for us - I was able to focus on my second and spend lots of time with him whilst my eldest was at school - and focus on the eldest more at other times (plus had the first six years with just him, which was amazing).

Even now at 16 and 10 they are close and I hope that continues. Also I've often seen close in age siblings fighting with each other and for their parents attention - or the logistics of having two in nappies etc & thought it looks hard going! There are obviously pros and cons to both but I've never seen it as an issue. Also we get to go out without having to find a babysitter & have done for a couple of years, which is a bonus!

I agree with PP - it’s not to do with the age gap but the individuals, the parents and the family dynamic I guess. Mine are 5, 2.5, and 3months! The older two adore the baby and they also play together which helps massively with me giving the newborn attention. I can also take them all places the older two will both enjoy as they find similar things fun. I also have friends who have the five year age gap and their kids also get along fine!

12 years between me and my little brother, and we’re really close. I also have a good relationship with my youngest sister, who is 15 years younger than me.

There is 6years between my brother and me (sadly my parents lost a son so there would have been more like 2years between us all). I dont think my brother liked me much before i was 16 and less annoying to him!!!
We are now really close......one of my best friends. Infact its only because we are so close that i wanted more than one child.
My boys have 4 and a half years between them.......i was incredibly lucky my eldest fell in love with him and loved helping with baby!! We are now 3years on and they still love each other to bits and will often be found snuggled up in the same bed. That said there is much wrestling and claiming every toy-its mine!!!!

My partner has 14 years between him and his youngest sibling, his closer aged brother is 11 years. They both always felt like the younger siblings were more like cousins than siblings as it just wasn't the same. All adults now and neither really talk to the younger 2.

I think for a 5 year age gap that the siblings will still feel like siblings but wouldn't be into the same things at same time.

My eldest two are almost 3 years apart then my youngest there was a 15 year age gap, they all adore each other and always have.

There is 2.5 yeard between me and one of my sister and we fought all the way through our childhood and are only friends now. My youngest sister is 10 years younger than me and we get on like a house on fire. I used to look after her more than play with her when she was little though and have to make an effort to know what she is talking about eg. I listen to some music she likes and have found out about influencers she likes so we have more to talk about. No perfect age gap imo x

6 year gap between the 1st and 2nd, and 5 years between 2nd and 3rd. There is no jealousy and they are all close. However days out are challenging as we have to cater for a toddler and a teenager so it can get stressful. On the whole I’m happy with their age gaps.

There's an 18 year age gap between two of my siblings. They had us in two batches. Three first, when they were grown they had another five (2 years between each of us bottom five). I'm closer to my siblings that are closer in age to me. I'm pretty close to the youngest of the top three, but the top two are just worlds apart from me.

My kids are 3 years apart and I think that's the perfect gap :D

My three have decent sized gaps but not too much that they have nothing in common. So, 5 years between 1 and 2, and 3.5 years between 2 and 3. Which means 8.5 years between 1 and 3. They all get along, fight and bicker, stick up for each other, hug, wrestle, and help each other with their homework. I'd say the gaps are great and work well.