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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rsvp to childs party

23 replies

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 23/09/2019 16:00

Why do people not do this?

My Ds is turning 5 this week, he asked for a party so i booked and paid for one, gave out the invitations with 3 weeks notice. His party is friday and out of a class of 23, 10 have replied and 3 of those can't make it.

I'm worried for him that nobody will turn up, he has lots of friends and the people that cant make it say its because they can't find someone to mind siblings. Unfortunately the party is at soft play and limited to how many we can invite so i cant say to just bring them along.

AIBU in getting annoyed that people no longer seem to rsvp without being chased up?

OP posts:

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 23/09/2019 16:07

This is common.
I have often had to chase up bloody invites and even then I don't always get a definite answer.
I've found if you add mobile, email, messenger and what's app on the invite you're more likely to get replies.
Also have a definite RSVP by date in big bold red letters!

Halo1234 · 23/09/2019 16:11

Very common. I hate it. I always RSVP straight away when mine get an invitation. Its rude. 7 friends plus him is 8. That's fine for a party. I would however be tempted to invite a few friends kids or cousins just incase if it was me. A lot of the others will come I am sure. It's a budget nightmare cause u dont know how many u will end up with but worth it compared to the alternative. imo.

Sleepyhead19 · 23/09/2019 16:13

I posted about this a couple of weeks ago. Out of 50ish invites, I had 26 replies, then 4 no shows. With cousins and friends outside school, we still had about 36 kids there but I just couldn’t imagine not replying myself. I do think it’s really rude.

HeyitsPorscha · 23/09/2019 16:25

At this point I would say to the people who wanted to bring siblings to do so if they can still make it. I remember last year a girl in my daughters class had a party in a soft play in the first week of summer hols. 3 people turned up put of 19 people who said they would come! I guess people had better offers during the summer. It's so unbelievably rude. I prefer to stick to small parties as my kids have got older and only invite people who are actually friends

Original poster

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 23/09/2019 16:31

My number was on the invitations. I could tell people to bring the siblings i guess, but then if people do turn up on the day i cant really afford to be paying an extra £8 per child. And I'd feel awful them being turned away because their parents didn't rsvp.

This will be the only whole class party, we agreed each of our 3 boys would get a whole class party in reception and then just pick a few friends for any birthday celebrations as they get older. This is the first one, and now I'm really considering not doing it for ds2 and 3.

OP posts:

Bluewavescrashing · 23/09/2019 16:35

You could allow siblings to come to fill up the spaces, then if people turn up who haven't rsvp-ed smile sweetly, tilt your head and say I'm so sorry, we assumed you couldn't make it so gave your child's space to someone else. But you're welcome to pay for them to come in and to buy their meal.

Cheeky fuckers.

pikapikachu · 23/09/2019 16:36

For soft play parties most people I know pay for the uninvited sibling to play and obviously bring or buy extra food when it's time to eat. They also save paying the adult entrance fee because their other child is attending the party so it's a cheap activity for the uninvited child.

In this case you'd write on the invitation "Siblings can attend at a cost of £x per child. This doesn't include food or a party bag so please buy food for the child if they wish to eat."

Venger · 23/09/2019 16:39

I think during this first half term of reception year the children are so tired by the time Friday rolls around that it's hard to commit to weekend plans as you never know whether they'll be in the mood for it or not. I know with my youngest DS I've RSVP'd to parties before and then had to message on the day to say that unfortunately they were worn out and we'd be having a quiet day at home instead (never happened with oldest DC who was seemingly powered by Duracell). I can see why people might not have replied. I'd push ahead and hope more people turn up than have RSVP'd, he'll have such a good time anyway that he won't notice who wasn't there.

RicStar · 23/09/2019 16:44

For soft play people know that you have to pay by place so I think it is fine to be firm. I guess if you dont have numbers it is hard to chase people. Has your ds just started reception? Does he know all the kids? A few will reply last minute and some will never reply. For a whole class party I expect between 15 - 20 kids (including my childs siblings).

Original poster

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 23/09/2019 16:45

@pikapikachu it was on the invitation that siblings could come but would have to be paid for separately. A few of the parents that have RSVP'd yes are bring their other child and paying for them.

OP posts:

Drum2018 · 23/09/2019 16:54

I could tell people to bring the siblings i guess

Don't even go there. Surely to God all the kids in the class don't have single parents. Do they not have another parent who can mind the siblings? Are all the second parents working weekends? Given you have already said siblings could go if they paid their own way, I reckon those telling you they cannot come because of siblings are being CFs, trying to guilt you into paying for their extra kids - do not get sucked in.

BackforGood · 23/09/2019 16:56

YANBU at all.
IT isn't just children's parties either.
We had a 'do' a few months ago, an the number of people who didn't reply astounded me.
Everyone presumably thinks 'Just us isn't going to make a difference', but you start multiplying that by 40 invitations (80 people on the whole) and it makes a HUGE difference. I was really cross, as had not been able to invite everyone we'd have liked to, due to numbers in the room, and then had so many let us know in the couple of days before, or just not show up. (and, indeed, some show up that hadn't replied).

For something like soft play, it is worse of course as you have to pay for X places. At least in a hall it is a bit more flexible.

FindaPenny · 23/09/2019 16:56

Recently in my daughters class the parent will create a WhatsApp party group adding the parents of the children they are inviting. It seems a pretty good idea, forces people to confirm if they are coming or not.

Runtobeavertowers · 23/09/2019 16:59

Agree with @FindaPenny - take a photo of the invite and create a whatsapp group/send to class whatsapp/Facebook group if all invited. Best way to get RSVPs.

BananaPlant · 23/09/2019 17:07

But with soft play you don’t have to find someone to mind siblings (unless it’s private hire) because you just pay for them to go in the soft play and keep them out the way of the party surely? I do it with mine.

Maybe people can’t go because it’s a Friday. Is it after school? Maybe people are at work and can’t take their child. Should rsvp though.

Bluewavescrashing · 23/09/2019 17:08

Do you have a school Facebook group? You could ask for the parents to reply sas you haven't heard from them.

Drum2018 · 23/09/2019 17:13

Just see party is on a Friday - explains why people wouldn't have anyone to mind siblings. Still, they have been given the option to pay for them.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 23/09/2019 17:20

Yep, am here with you in solidarity. DS’ birthday is in three weeks, RSVP deadline today, one response out of ten.

There’s reason we need answers by a given date FFS

Thurmanmurman · 23/09/2019 17:20

This is my pet hate OP, it's unbelievably rude. However, there are times when the parent may not see the invitation, if its stuffed at the bottom of a schoolbag, or DC has forgot to bring it home. Luckily mine no longer have big parties, just a few of their good friends so I just set up a whatsapp with the parents.

DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRemain · 23/09/2019 17:21

the people that cant make it say its because they can't find someone to mind siblings

it was on the invitation that siblings could come but would have to be paid for separately.

So are people saying no because they don't want to pay for siblings?!

Kanga83 · 23/09/2019 17:21

Very common and very rude. If you have a WhatsApp for the class (and you are so very lucky if you don't), then stick a message on there for all asking to respond as you need to confirm final numbers by tomorrow.

Original poster

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 23/09/2019 17:23

No, there's no whatsapp or facbook groups for the school. I think I will just have to ask the parents as I see them over the next couple of days.

I did wonder about a friday being awkward, but when i asked a few of the parents before the school holidays, they all said they'd prefer it because it means their saturday isn't taken up by a 2 hour party right in the middle of the day.

It’s not people not coming that's s the problem at all. If they can't make it then they can't make it, thats life after all, it's the not letting me know. I have had to pay a set amount regardless of how many actually turn up (or not) on the day. We sent invitations for the maximum number allowed, i just hope that more turn up than I'm currently expecting.

OP posts:

ChilledBee · 23/09/2019 17:27

Again, so grateful that I had a trial run with DN. I'd never do those soft play parties because space is too limited and many parents can't attend if it means leaving siblings behind.

For us, parties will be a few hours in a hall or something with home cooked food. You can buy 10kg of chicken for £15. Fry some, curry some, bbq some. Everyone's happy. Some side dishes like pasta salad. Fun times.

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