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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder about this

7 replies

Jainy · 23/09/2019 15:44

HI all, have been a lurker for a while, but this is my first post, hoping someone can shed some light.
Ok so, been married for 40+ years, and have finally agreed to split up, both accepting that the marriage has been over for a long time.
Money however, will be tight for us both, but we have agreed to split everything 50/50, so once the house is sold we can go our separate ways.
But, for the past couple of weeks he keeps talking about getting a divorce, which I'm not against, but I don't understand why he feels the need to get one so quickly, as money is tight at the moment. I have asked him a couple of times, and at first he said he just wanted to be shot of me, but has since said that if his mum finds out we have split, she will write him out of her will. I can believe that, not because she has any feelings for me (she hates me, and the feeling is mutual) but because unless we are divorced she will think I would be able to get my hands on her money.
H knows I wouldn't touch anything left to him, but I'm not sure if I'm being too trusting here, and there may be other reasons for him wanting rid of me so quickly.
I have no idea about any of this, and am housebound so unable to go to a solicitor, and think they are probably a waste of money if we are both amicable to a clean divorce, H has a solicitor by the way.
We are going down the, living in the same home but living completely separate lives for the past 2 years, route, which is true, and he reckons this will be the cheapest route.
Today he has brought home an "Application for a divorce dissolution or (judicial) separation" form, and wants me to fill it in asap.
What do you guys think? Should I just fill it in and sop worrying?

OP posts:
Jainy · 23/09/2019 15:47

*stop, not sop

OP posts:
willloman · 23/09/2019 15:50

Have a telephone consultation with a lawyer. You need to take responsibility for your finances so you don't end up in a pickle. good luck.

EBearhug · 23/09/2019 15:50

No, get your own legal advice before you sign anything, especially if he's pushing for a quick divorce and you don't understand why.

msmith501 · 23/09/2019 15:52

I think you should call a family solicitor and ask them to visit you at home. It's too important to trust the other person's solicitor. Once they get their teeth into your other half they will push hard to ensure they get a good fee. Then once you've had an initial discussion, use the solicitor to review the paperwork as it comes in. Hopefully you won't need more but please do not leave it to the other side's solicitor. It won't go well.

LemonAddict · 23/09/2019 15:53

You’ve both decided the marriage is over... why wouldn’t you get a divorce?

Jainy · 23/09/2019 16:16

Thankyou guys,
LemonAddict, I'm not against getting a divorce, I just wondered, due to him giving different reasons, why he's in such a rush. I was asking could there be any reason for him rushing this now, which I should be aware of. As I'm unable to go out alone, and have no friends anymore, I thought maybe someone on here might have some knowledge or experience which could help me.

OP posts:
RolyWatts · 23/09/2019 16:23

Definitely get some legal advice. You say you are splitting things 50/50 but are you absolutely aware of all of his assets. Do you both have pensions? Have you had a limited career due to having children? Has he in any way supported you due to your disability. All of these may affect what you are entitled to in the event of a divorce. You are separated and there is no rush for you to be divorced. Don't be pressurised. Get advice.

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