ExP left DD6 in the house

[happycamper11]

... in the bath!! Now I know I'm not BU to think this is unacceptable, If anyone says I am I disagree.

DD age 9 told me about this after they got back from their dads, him and GF (so 2 adults in the house no need for both to go) decided to go to the shop. DD begged him not to go with her sister in the bath and pointed out something could happen, she was told to keep an eye on her. She was crying as she told me. Even she knows you don't go out and leave 6 year olds in the bath!

But how on earth do I approach this? So as not to drip feed we split up 5 years ago due to extreme behaviour (drug/alcohol use, emotional abuse/ controlling behaviour) didn't hear from him for a few years then he reappeared, managed to harass and be landed with a non harassment order which he then managed to get removed during the child custody case. Unsupervised overnight contact (court ordered) has only been happening since since around May, before that was in a contact centre. It's reasons like this is hoped that would continue. He has them once a fortnight at weekends. It's a very short time to need to look after them, why can't he even manage that?! This is the second time he has left them alone to go out with his girlfriend. It's been for a reasonably short time but personally I think no time is acceptable at 6. She's quite impulsive and can be violent towards her big sister.

I know he's going to make out I'm being ridiculous and over protective. GF is a qualified and experienced pre school worker with 4 kids of her own (shocked she though it was ok but he'll use that as 'proof' it's ok). He'll also trot out the 'it's not illegal' line. He doesn't like being challenged or questioned- Help me with the answers please MN

Oh my god. How long were they gone?

Get angry about them leaving a 6 year old home alone with a 9 yo, that is what would convince social services to get involved (along with his druggy past).

I'm not sure how long exactly- probably around 20 minutes

You're right @Teddybear45 but I'm just so used to each one of my concerns being totally dismissed by court over a long period of time, I feel like I'm constantly fighting a losing battle

Report him SS obviously!

Contact SS. I'm sure they'll be very interested in a 6yr old left unattended in the bath in the care of a distraught 9yr old who begged her dad not to go out. You do need to formalize this as it sounds like conversation will get you nowhere with this man. He wont like but then he wont like it anyway you raise it.

@blackcat86 yes you're right, thanks. I wasn't sure if social services would be interested. Like I said court couldn't have been less bothered by any of my concerns. I had to get it clarified through our lawyers that he had to use booster seats in the car as he flatly refused when I asked (dd who is 9 was swiftly removed from one again as soon as she reached the minimum height, thought it's clear the seatbelt still doesn't not fit properly without) so yes I'll have to do the same re this and make it official and deal with the shit I'll get off him about it.

Get it in a message form first.
So message him and say (DD9) was upset that you left (DD6) alone in the bath while you and girlfriend went out. Can you make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Let him respond and confirm all the points. If it’s by WhatsApp, screen shot it.

@7yo7yo great idea thanks

Good idea from 7yo there although I'm sure the DC can verify. A SW will likely want to interview them separately.

Poor kid, she's had to sit through various interviews with court reporters already, where her concerns were given about as much merit as mine. Why fight so hard in court to have your children unsupervised then not bother to look after them for the few hours you need to

Op it must be so stressful having to leave your daughters with someone who is so lax over their safety! Do you have legal access arrangements?

It's in no way as bad but mine (when he can be bothered to see them, which is barely) feeds them on Macdonalds and sweets (HUGE share bags!) the entire time and it boils my pee but there is sod all I can do because, apparently, they're "his kids" and that's "his parenting choice". But if he put them at risk like this I'd sure as hell get him in trouble!

Cannot believe his Preschool worker GF actually said that would be okay.

Bastard

But you know that 🌷

Irrespective of whether he was reasonable tomkeave them ‘home alone’ (Probably a bit too young) and whether the 6 yo was ok in the bath or not (she most certainly wasn’t!) he was ducking unreasonable to go out leaving the 9 year old ‘in charge’ crying and shit scared. What an absolute wanker.

There would be dead bodies involved before he saw them out of a contact centre again.

If by some chance you have to let them go to his again make sure your DD can phone you and run through a few things she can do in situations like this (ie get DD2 out if the bath, if she refuses, pull the plug out but don’t ‘fight’ invade she slips.o

Jesus fucking Christ I’m so angry your two little girls have been treat like this by the one of two people who are supposed to love and care about them more than anyone.

I’m more angry about how he could leave them alone with your eldest so upset & scared than I am about him leaving them at home alone with a 6 yo in the fucking bath & ii’m pretty bloody angry about that!!

The GF sounds like a complete idiot too - one that probably shouldn’t have her 4 kids or work with children

Both of them should have more sense than this!

She wasn't actually crying with him, she was crying telling me. She was worried about me being angry with him but knew she had to tell me as she doesn't want it to happen again. She said she pleaded with him though .

Yes we have the same re food etc - fed crap, unlimited access to sweets, no bed times or limits to screen time but hey it's important they have quality time with their father according to the courts

I do think the message is a good idea, not so much to prove it happened, DD1 will confirm - dd2 likely to say she doesn't know or can't remember as she doesn't like being questioned - but to confirm his attitude towards the whole thing as he's likely to lie when questioned by someone in authority

God, that is awful.

That is surely grounds for stopping contact!

I'm going to email my solicitor- I don't even think my legal aid claim is still open though, it's all been finalised and closed. Ugh I don't have the energy to go through all this again, why can't he just look after them for 4 days a month. I really hoped fir the girls sake that it would go well.