Arguing about when ex will see dc

[scoobydoo87]

Name change cause this could be outing but I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

My ex and me split a few weeks ago and I'm trying to keep everything sweet and amicable but then it comes to discussing arrangements for him to see our dc he argues that he needs time for himself and that he can't commit to his days off with them I have the dc 18 days a month him 12 he said he cannot commit to 12 days. The children would be at school 6 days of that so there is free time there. I want to get into work so don't feel it's fair to make it harder for me to find work due to childcare issues and I think he should grow up if he wants to go out then he should arrange a babysitter like normal people do rather than relying on me. He's a good dad in every other aspect but since splitting all he's argued about is how much he needs to have our dc less so he has free time

How "hands on" was he as a live-in father?

I ask because my friend voluntarily (and sometimes forcefully) took on the role as the (sole) primary carer for her daughter while her and her wife were together. Some of it was due to the fact she was exclusively breastfed until she was a toddler but some of it was because my friend saw that as her role in the family and I think it gave her a sense of identity and validation she hadn't found in a career.

When she split with her wife, she expected that her wife would naturally have their daughter 40-50% of the time but she had never cared for her alone bar day trips. She had never altered her working hours to accommodate their new role as parents. She was used to after work drinks and commitment to a hobby. It was unreasonable to expect everything to change. So far, this was how her ex wife had learned to parent. She now sees her a few times a week and has her EOW but my friend does the lion's share of parenting alone.

This is one of the reasons we need to make sure that as much as possible we do equal parenting and bin the idea that one parent "babysits".

Not sure what the answer is, OP, but good luck getting back into work. Ideally you'd do 50/50 with the DCs father, and he can pay half the childcare costs for when he's at work.

You're not being unreasonable, but unfortunately you can't actually make the NRP take the children.

Do the children have a view?

If he is supposed to have 12 days, and 6 of those they're at school, then I assume the other 6 days are weekend days. Does that mean he's supposed to have 3 weekends out of 4? Maybe that's not the fairest split but a lot will depend on your circumstances. If he expects you to have them DC the majority of the time then he needs to help pay for childcare so that you are able to work as well. You're equal parents and both should be able to work and have some free time too.