To help me get my ducks in a row

[Rungoutoflife]

Aibu to ask for help,

Married 20years unhappy for ages, 2016 after an awful holiday I made plans to leave but I'm still here.. Money mainly. (that's why I'm still there not why I want to leave, abuse, physical and sexual, no help, separate lives)

I have a big loan (personal and for a good reason) of 20k. I work full time but for the family (inlaws business 25kpa)
4 kids (11 to 15) live in house linked to job.

How do I escape??

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. I don’t have much advice I’m afraid but I didn’t want to read and run.
Have you thought about contacting Women’s Aid?
Good luck

Could you start by looking for another job?

if you divorce husband and resign. if home is linked to job then inlaws would serve eviction notice on you. Ring local council housing officer and tell them you anticipate eviction and ask what options you have. if you rented a house privately with 4 children you would get hpusing benifit. Try CAB and ask them to find ouf what benefits you would be entitled to. Don't be blackmailed into staying if you are unhappy life is short and it is not worth it.

Women's aid will be able to give you very practical help and advice on this.

www.womensaid.org.uk/about-us/contact/

0808 2000 247

I agree, I think you should start by looking for a different job. That will be the foundation for a new life. Does your H work for the inlaws business too?

I agree with pp that a new job will be the basis for a new start. If you move out without being served an eviction notice Housing will state you made yourself "intentionally homeless" . (their tactic to reduce numbers). You need an eviction notice, then they'll advise you stay put on eviction date & wait for the Bailiffs (usually take 3months to arrive & cost Landlord couple of grand). If you leave on eviction day or before the Bailiffs arrive, again, they state you're "intentionally homeless" & won't help.

Where domestic violence & Women's Aid are involved tho, they usually treat you as priority & you may be in temporary accommodation for a while, then private rented property after that: theres a £1200 incentive scheme for landlords to take Benefits tenants with the proviso the LL is paid rent direct to him & not the tenant first. So do get in touch with Women's Aid. Best of luck.