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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not really know if I am done with my relationship or not?

2 replies

carsforlife · 22/09/2019 14:49

How do you know when it's over?

Some days I love my partner, but I find I'm having an increasing number of days where I eye-roll at everything he says.

He does some work around the house, but nowhere near enough. He thinks we're not far off being equal...

I pay the majority of the bills.

My sons love him, and he has been an amazing stepdad to my eldest kids, he happily steps up where their own dad doesn't (he's around sporadically, and is such a shit I'm not pushing his contact harder). I do a decent job at being a step mother, but of truth be told I don't enjoy it. I don't let it show through, and cook/clean/have boring time etc but his daughter is challenging at best. I don't blame her, she's a youngish child, but I don't feel rushes of love for her either (even though I really want too).

He can be so much fun, and we can still have a great time together. But he can also be really miserable for weeks on end, and it really drags me down.

We only ever argue about the same things (housework and money mostly) but it's not frequent. The flip side is that trying to get him to talk about anything meaningful is impossible, he doesn't "do talks" feelings.

We're engaged and as much as I want to spend the rest of my life with him I'm also dreading it...

Some days I fantasise about being a single parent again, but I'd be breaking up a very stable unit when I'm not even sure that's what I really want. On other days I look forward to us being old together when the kids have moved out.

Does everyone have these thoughts about a partner that they love and want to be with? AIBU for not knowing if to stay or go?

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 22/09/2019 15:03

To answer your penultimate question - DH and I are far from loves young (or even old) dream but I have never once thought 'is it worth it?'. On our wedding day, I was 100% sure I was doing the right thing. Could you say the same on yours?

Only you can decide whether it's going to work in the long run, but unless things change, I can't imagine you starting to feel less resentful and more accepting?

Skysblue · 22/09/2019 20:17

Well pretty much everyone I know has “is it worth it” days, yes. Although only post-kids. Pre-kids we were all starry-eyed.

Only you know if you love him enough to live with the niggles. But no-one will ever make you happy all the time.

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