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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think drunk people are rude.

47 replies

PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 11:53

Every time me and DP go out on a night out, someone will say something rude. Like, wow how did you pull her, or, has he got a big dick or something? Basically people coming right out and saying he is ugly.

Usually it is someone he knows but there has been many times that it's been strangers. Last night his neighbour who I met for the first time was telling me how gorgeous I am and why am I with DP, he must be good in bed. A friend of a friend who neither of us had met before said blatantly to our faces, said what, you are with him?

For the record, I am not gorgeous in any way, I am probably a solid 7 when I have a full face of slap on and my hair done. I am very smiley though which seems to make people more attractive than they actually are. DP is not conventionally good looking as such but nor is he quasimodo. He doesn't have any deformity or anything, he's just a bog standard average bloke.

What I don't understand, even if he was really ugly, why do people feel it is OK to comment. It's just so rude. I wouldnt dream of saying anything like that.

DP just laughs it off and is proud to have what he sees as a beautiful girlfriend but it can't do his self esteem any favours.

So AIBU to think drunk people are so rude! I just wouldn't ever dream to comment on that way. It makes me feel so uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Shockers · 22/09/2019 12:20

I had a boyfriend that other men used to do that with. I thought he was gorgeous fwiw, but because he was quite small (still taller than me), men would openly ask me what I saw in him. Really bloody rude, and always in pubs or clubs, so yes, probably drunk.

Original poster
PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 12:21

@jackparlabane I am glad you have experienced it too. I was sounding like a massive twat there I suspect so I am glad that someone knows what I mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 12:22

@Shockers, my DP is on the short side for a bloke, I am onky 5ft 2 so he is taller than me. How did your partner take it?

DP just laughs it off but it can't be nice.

OP posts:
halloumi2019 · 22/09/2019 12:24

This happened to me, but it was mainly his friends that would comment! Lots of ‘you’re punching’ ‘how did you get her?’ sort of comments towards him. At first he laughed it off as banter but it definitely made him insecure as time went on

cccameron · 22/09/2019 12:27

Blokes say this sort of thing all the time. It's a supposed compliment to you whilst simultaneously taking the piss out of their mate. Really nothing to get het up about. Normal reaction is for both parties to laugh it off. I'm sure your DH isnt crying into his pint thinking he's ugly!

Original poster
PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 12:28

Did it make you feel uncomfortable? I used to laugh but I am just fed up of it now. Especially as we are going through a rough patch so when people say, why are you with him, it is getting harder to remember why.

OP posts:
cccameron · 22/09/2019 12:30

On the other hand this
My sisters have said it to me privately
makes me think that there is something wrong with your DP. For your own sisters to privately ask you what you are doing with him?

Original poster
PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 12:32

Hes just the opposite to the type of guy I would have previously gone for which is why my sisters commented. Nothing wrong with him, just not my usual type.

OP posts:
Shockers · 22/09/2019 12:32

@PotPlantKiller, he hated it, but would never say anything back. He looked quite young (he was 24- I was 27) and was sort of intelligent looking- it was usually bigger, older looking men who did it- I’d hazard a guess they wouldn’t have if he’d been the same size.

It made me angry that they thought they had any say in who I should fancy (and I really did!).

One of his old public school friends also offered me £1000 to sleep with him. I couldn’t get my head around why men thought this sort of behaviour was acceptable, or attractive.

Schwibble · 22/09/2019 12:33

Plenty of drunk women have come on to my DH - in front of me , at parties, clubs etc, asking him if he's single, saying they really like him, flirting etc...happened quite a lot even when we were courting...makes me feel ugly, unattractive and like these women were thinking he could do much better than me, i.e. them.Sad

ssd · 22/09/2019 12:35

Gosh, all these gorgeous folks, where are you all hiding..

Original poster
PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 12:37

That's awful @Schwibble, really sorry you have been through that. Classy behaviour right there.

@Shockers, I am well shocked that they offered you money for sex. That's disgusting! Thankfully I haven't had that.

OP posts:
Surfskatefamily · 22/09/2019 12:38

I agree with you op as in its happened on numerous occasions with me an dh. Pre baby... Now I have my baby no one seems to comment on my good looks 🤔
However my oh is gorgeous... He's a metal head and wears all spikes n denim so maybe others see him differently (I think he's hot)
Some people mean it in a complimentary way

cccameron · 22/09/2019 12:43

Schwibble these women are arseholes but instead of taking it as a personal insult why not just accept you have an attractive DP and there isn't just you in the world that thinks so. I'm sure that you get unwanted attention from men as well.

CheeryB · 22/09/2019 12:53

It's a 'thing' blokes say isn't it, to rib each other. One of my dh's colleagues said "What on earth is a good looker like you doing with him?" He was around 30 and I'm late fifties. He was just being charming and trying to make me feel nice. Of course I didn't take him seriously, and appreciate him trying to make me feel comfortable in new company. It's been said on some other occasions by other men too, but only in the same vein - in a lighthearted way. I'm probably a rather flimsy 6 nowadays.

FlamedToACrisp · 22/09/2019 12:56

I've never been the pretty one of the family, so I don't know what it's like really. I'd just wait until the person has gone and then make it clear to your DH that you think they're a bit of a knob, without repeating the comment they made.

Reminds me of when my parents told his friends they'd got engaged. My Dad's best mate looked them both up and down, then said, "Hah! Serves you both right!"

SherbetSaucer · 22/09/2019 12:59

Also think this is a not so humble brag! Grin

Schwibble · 22/09/2019 12:59

@cccameron and @PotPlantKiller thank you, to his credit he's always laughed off their advances apart from the one time his colleague sat on his knee at an xmas party Hmm Proud I have an attractive, loyal DH and that he doesn't respond to them. The only attention I get from men is from my hygenist and vet, both are very flirtatious but anyway I don't want to derail the thread Smile

Original poster
PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 13:01

It does seem to be common banter, I still think it's rude. I would hate to be on DPs end of it. I am insecure enough about my wrinkles and bigger than I like nose and my extra pounds. If people started commenting to put me down I would be gutted. Men have feelings too.

OP posts:
Original poster
PotPlantKiller · 22/09/2019 13:02

Sounds like you have a fantastic husband @Schwibble!

OP posts:
cccameron · 22/09/2019 13:48

Men have feelings too yes but it's also a veiled compliment for your DH in a 'youve done well for yourself' kind of way. Hence all the jokey comments about him being great in bed and having a mahoosive cock so I wouldn't waste much time worrying about his self esteem, I'm sure he isn't

intermittentfasting · 22/09/2019 13:57

I think this is pretty common (if not very tasteful) banter amongst guys.

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