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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums don't need sleep....

27 replies

newtothebabygame · 22/09/2019 07:05

...according to my DH.

He went to the pub last night, got home at 1.30, woke me and our 6mo DD up whilst stumbling up the stairs.
I gave her a bottle and settled her back down to sleep. He started snoring which woke DD up again. I woke him up and asked him to sleep downstairs as he was disturbing both of us, he rolled over went back to sleep - then we repeated the cycle of me waking him up, and him snoring then going back to sleep 3 more times until I gave up.
I laid in bed for hours trying to get back to sleep. The last time I remember looking at the time it was 4.30.

5.30 our DD woke up, I woke him up and told him I would have to get up with her as I was exhausted from the lack of sleep. He took her down stairs, managed to get her back off to sleep so brought her back up and put her in her next to me crib, then went to sleep on the sofa. DD woke within minutes of being put down.

I've just taken her down stairs, to find him asleep on the sofa, I woke him to say go back to bed as one of us may as well get some sleep, and it clearly wasn't going to be me as he's an inconsiderate arsehole. Instead of going upstairs he curled up on the sofa attempting to go back asleep. So I went into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of porridge and a cuppa and made sure I made as much noise as a possibly could, there was a lot of banging and tbh it gave me great pleasure (although I now have yogurt all over the inside of my fridge after launching a pot in).

He's gone back to bed and I'm now wondering whether my DDs first word will be something explicit starting with a C.

OP posts:
lifecouldbeadream · 22/09/2019 07:07

Turn the stereo or tv on full volume.....

I’d be absolutely fuming.....

Original poster
newtothebabygame · 22/09/2019 07:07

I've just notice I said I took her downstairs, I meant to put he took her downstairs

Lack of sleep is getting to me

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 22/09/2019 07:08

Depends how often he does this?

SnuggyBuggy · 22/09/2019 07:10

I think you need to have a serious talk with him about his behaviour

Newmumatlast · 22/09/2019 07:13

He is being v v unreasonable and tbh though you have no choice atm in taking on primary care - he clearly isnt going to and is likely incapable anyway due to drinking - I'd certainly expect an apology and for him to make up for it by taking up duties for you to have a proper rest once he's got a grip. Would also expect him to be more mindful in future - he likely wouldnt like it if you had done the same

Original poster
newtothebabygame · 22/09/2019 07:13

At least twice per month, usually sleeps on the sofa so he doesn't disturb us.

I have no problem with him coming in quietly and me being woken for a short amount of time (which is usually what happens). But when I'm laid in bed awake for hours because of the noise he is making - this becomes an issue

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 22/09/2019 07:15

We have a house rule that if one of us is out late / coming home worse for wear and will waken people then they automatically sleep on the sofa.

It's not something that happens often but yes we both occasionally go out and get a bit pissed.

  • When we rarely go out together we generally don't drink much.
Durgasarrow · 22/09/2019 07:16

I am not getting a very good impression of the British male from Mumsnet lately.

Original poster
newtothebabygame · 22/09/2019 07:18

Crunchymum

This is usually what happens, although he's the only one this applies to as I haven't been out since before my pregnancy.

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 22/09/2019 07:24

DH is being v unreasonable. I can't believe that people are concentrating on the fact he went out. The original OP about him being a sexist pig is the deal breaker for me. Mums don't need to sleep wtaf...?

He needs to be told right where to jog on to.

YouJustDoYou · 22/09/2019 07:31

This would make me rage too. It's extremely selfish of him to wake you all up constantly just because he's drunk.

SoyDora · 22/09/2019 07:33

Of course he’s BU, and anyone who says he’s not has very low standards.

DHW1 · 22/09/2019 07:36

... I haven’t been out since before my pregnancy

You need to make sure you both have your time to relax and let your hair down. It’s not fair if it’s only one of you as it may cause resentment. Myself and DH take turns to have a night off, at least once every couple of weeks, and let our hair down while the other does the “nightshift”. I didn’t go out last night but did have a bottle of wine (only one) and it is him who has been up with our DD all night and will do so this morning. We both have nights out occasionally though and when we do the person who isn’t out will automatically look after the baby through the night and morning until the other person has “recovered”. It’s not even about drinking though sometimes the night out is just go and play football then go to the lads house for him or go for a meal for me but it’s still the night that the person out will not get up with DD.

noworklifebalance · 22/09/2019 07:37

I'd be pissed off, too but it sounds like this is not the war he normally is when he has been out. It's very different if he was typically this inconsiderate.
Did he actually say "mum's don't need sleep"?

noworklifebalance · 22/09/2019 07:38

*way (not war)

noworklifebalance · 22/09/2019 07:41

aaargh, there wasn't meant to be an apostrophe - mums not mum's.

Anyway - if a one off, I'd be inclined to bollock him and then let it go; next he is going out remind him to sleep on the sofa.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/09/2019 07:47

If it was a one off I'd let it go.

But a couple of times a month? Nah, that's not on. I'd be having words when he surfaces.

Jellybeansincognito · 22/09/2019 08:28

Yeah he’s inconsiderate.
You let him be responsible for a 6mo whilst drunk though?

scubadive · 22/09/2019 08:29

My exDH kept me away on and off for 25 years with his snoring and never got up with our 4 children.

Apparently it was my fault that I was a light sleeper and he didn’t really snore that much! He would get really annoyed if I woke him up to turn him onto his side. Some men are just selfish arses.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 22/09/2019 08:33

At least twice per month, usually sleeps on the sofa so he doesn't disturb us.

Oh he's so considerate, isn't he? I bet he thinks he's a modern man for deigning to sleep on the sofa whilst you care for his child.

He clearly has no intention of changing, so either you tolerate it and it continues or you change it and show him you're not there to make his life easier when he's a selfish drunk arsehole.

sheshootssheimplores · 22/09/2019 08:37

So your drunk DH took your 6 month old downstairs and you were going to get some sleep upstairs? Then the baby fell asleep and she he brought them back up to you where they then woke?

I would not be letting my drunk DH have anything to do with the baby as it sounds bloody dangerous. He could have fallen down the stairs whilst holding them or crushed them if he fell asleep on the sofa. Just be really careful OP.

SayNoToCarrots · 22/09/2019 08:55

He got in at 1:30 and took the baby downstairs at 5:30, so probably wasn't drunk. TBH it sounds like you are suggesting the OP is in the wrong for being exhausted.

PeoplesPoet · 22/09/2019 08:57

(although I now have yogurt all over the inside of my fridge after launching a pot in).

Grin....

Mine used to do that. I'd end up screaming at him and putting the brightest light on - I was SO exhasuted and he took the piss to the extent of disappearing off, ignoring my calls, and coming back at 3/4 steaming drunk, vomiting all over the bathroom..... it made me mental.

Honestly it's shit being single but I'm so glad all this selfish crap left when my OH did. I'd rather deal with the kids than have some selfish bloody knob to deal with too.

You need to come to an equal parenting arrangement OH or believe me he'll get worse.

RandomMess · 22/09/2019 09:02

Did you know that your bedroom desperately needs hoovering right now...

Original poster
newtothebabygame · 22/09/2019 09:49

For anyone implying I'm a bad mother for allowing him to be downstairs with my 6mo at 5.30 - after a few hours of sleeping the alcohol off he was more than capable.

I on the other hand was exhausted - I could easily have fallen asleep with her in my arms which would have been dangerous.

OP posts:
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