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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel slightly terrified to be a mother of 3?!

22 replies

Jods1982 · 22/09/2019 07:00

Not much of an AIBU.. but in shock. For background.

I have 2 DD aged 7 and 3. Hubby was diagnosed with testicular cancer shortly after birth of DD1 and had sperm tested 18 months later and were told he was sterile.

We had IVF for DD2 which was successful on our second attempt. We had an embryo and frozen sperm left over from treatment but we let them go a couple of years ago. Anyways realise this week that I think my period late (possibly 5 days, not absolutely sure, know I had a period mid Aug roughly). Had a pregnancy test in the drawer, so took it... and its positive!

Now I admit this time last year (my hubby has yearly check ups), we were told hubbys fertility could return but it had been over 2 years since youngest was born and we probably average sex 1-2 times a month, so we had both thought the likelihood of pregnancy was practically zero (hubby had perm tested at 18 months and 2 years after chemo and was still sterile then).

Any mothers of 3 out there that can reassure me it will be ok? I sometimes feel at my limit with 2 children, and worried about there being 3 to divide my attention amongst. Hubby and I are a bit in shock but both want to keep the baby. Im just wondering how mothers of 3 do it??

OP posts:

lifecouldbeadream · 22/09/2019 07:04

3 has been lovely for us. Was unplanned, but would not swap it for the world.

Woodlandwitch · 22/09/2019 07:07

Similar happened to my SIL - 2 IVF babies and then fell naturally by surprise

They were over the moon. It’s been hard work by the sounds of it but they are all much closer in age

Poetryinaction · 22/09/2019 07:08

It's busy amd wonderful. The older two have someone to play with while you deal with the baby. Another maternity leave to be there for everyone, bond, have fun. Congratulations and best of luck.

Jent13c · 22/09/2019 07:09

Not a mum of 3 but unexpectedly pregnant with number 2 after a long struggle for number 1. I'm 22 weeks in and it's taken me a LONG time to accept that I'm pregnant. I think I had kind of mentally closed off the possibility of it happening again and my first reaction was very much shock rather than joy. I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant and then people say 'oh your bump is really showing now' and I look down quite surprised that theres actually another child in there!

Caillou · 22/09/2019 07:13

Mum of 3 here, we always wanted a third but didn't plan for ds to happen so soon (exact 2 years gap between dd2 and ds). dd1 is 8, dd2 is 4 and ds 2
first year was hard but I learnt that organisation is a must.

I wouldn't change it for anything in the world now that he is a little older.

you will be fine.

CheshireDing · 22/09/2019 07:18

We have 3, planned though.

We had to get a new car to fit 3 large car seats in so swapped my lovely Sportage (gutted) for a camper van 😂

The noise sometimes is ridiculous but they totally miss each other when one is somewhere else, even if it’s just for a couple of hours.

DC3 is bonkers though too 😂

GnomeDePlume · 22/09/2019 07:24

We had the unexpected third (coil baby born practically clutching the damn thing). Three is mildly chaotic but fun. We are now coming out of the other end as youngest is now off at university.

Not planned but I wouldnt swap it for the world. So many things changed when our third arrived. Childcare was not going to be affordable so DH packed in work and became SAHD. Because of that when I was offered a job abroad we were able to go.

All three have grown up to be lovely adults. They help each other. From very early on we had strict rules about leaving each other's stuff alone and not baiting each other.

Hydrogenbeatsoxygen · 22/09/2019 07:26

Three was fine. We hardly noticed the difference.

MrsHarveySpecterV · 22/09/2019 07:27

I've got three (4, almost 3 & 15 months) it's busy but I love it. Our house is loud most of the time and the older two either love each or can't be in the same room. We don't get much child free time, I'm a SAHM so it can feel quite full on sometimes but DC1 has just started school and DC2 goes to nursery a couple of mornings a week now so it's getting easier! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

MariusJosipovic · 22/09/2019 07:34

I'm in a very similar position to you (male factor infertility) and I had a really realistic dream the other day I found out I was pregnant with a 3rd (I have two IVF babies). It was only a dream but I was emotionally all over the place when I woke up

I think in your position I'd just be taking a 'it was meant to be' sort of approach and trying to be as relaxed about it as possible. Bigger car, reshuffle bedrooms maybe and then just... go with the flow...? Congratulations and good luck

lakeloveragain · 22/09/2019 07:46

My third was a surprise and the best one. Oldest two are boys and my third was a girl so brought a different dynamic. I found it easier going from 3 to 2.

Areyoufree · 22/09/2019 07:49

My sister has three and loves it. She says having a third let her experience all the best bits of the first two again. Also, that her third is so loved, because he has two older siblings as well as his parents.

Uniformuniformuniform · 22/09/2019 08:15

We have 4. Aged 6,4,2 and 20 weeks.

It's hectic but you get into routine and one that works for you. I found other people's 'advice' useless. It was kind but useless as in the end you have to engineer a routine that works for you. So what worked for Mrs Smith down the lane might not work for you and what worked for miss Jones in Australia probably won't work for you either. Whatever routine you have now is fine and baby will slot in and their might be a bit of tweaking but you will be fine x

yulet · 22/09/2019 08:21

How old is the pregnancy test? (I think they have expiry dates and can give false positives or negatives after that.)

But that's amazing news, after the shock I bet you'll be thrilled

Original poster

Jods1982 · 22/09/2019 09:24

@yulet pregnancy test expires 29/02/2020 so in date.. just been in my bedside drawer.

Thank you for the replies, still a bit mixture of emotions but happy. Hubby quite emotional.. I think he'd accepted that he wasn't going to naturally concieve any more children so this morning was a bit of a shock. We've had a chat about some of the practicalities. DD2 starts school next year, so both children will be in school when i'm on maternity leave (probably due late May/early June 2020.

Thank you everyone xx

OP posts:

whoami24601 · 22/09/2019 09:32

Aww congratulations! We have 3 - 7, 4 and 11 months. It's hard work and I have struggled at times but Dc3 is so worth it. The older two absolutely adore him and sometimes I'm the last to get there when he's crying the only thing I'd say to be aware of is making sure you don't forget the big one. DD is super helpful and sensible but sometimes she gets a bit sad that she gets the least attention if the big two are at school then that's crazy in the morning but the days are so lovely now just me and the baby you'll love it!

Kaykay06 · 22/09/2019 09:34

Congratulations
My sister had baby no3 in 2017, he’s an absolute joy. Her older 2 are 8&9 and like your Dh she had cancer so thought another baby would not be an option. She he’s a little miracle.
Enjoy your pregnancy and your lovely family, I have 4 and it’s chaos but fun and they make you smile every day (&sometimes cry)

smurfy19 · 22/09/2019 10:12

Firstly congratulations 🤰🏻 I became a mother of 3 at 22! I would say the transition from 1 - 2 was harder, you had the guilt of not being able to see to your 2st child instantly like you could always before. I remember feeling like my first would think I didn’t love him anymore etc. When I had my 3rd my middle child was only 18 months but I didn’t feel anywhere near as guilty as I did before. The first 2 children then had each other to play with and amuse when I was busy with the baby. My oldest who wasn’t even 4 at the time was a great help. There are lovely aspects now too as they’re older, when one child is asked for a sleepover etc at their friends house, the other two have each other. Please don’t worry you will be fine. People make out that 3 children is an awful number but it really isn’t 😄 the downside for me is the ‘family’ specials are almost always 2 adults and 2 children but you soon get over that x

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 22/09/2019 11:28

3 is BRILLIANT! I adore being mum to three. They all get on so well (12DD, 9DD and 7DS) and our home is so much fun. No one is left out, all get attention and by baby No.3 we were experts at the baby and toddler stages so it was easy peasy.

We did have to buy a 7 seater car so we could ferry MIL to places with us but that was the only drawback (and I do love the car anyway).
My children all have double beds so they can sleep together when they want and I often find all three snuggled up together in one bed. I'd love a fourth but DH says no.

Thehop · 22/09/2019 11:31

The jump from 2-3 was far easier for us than that from 1-3. Congratulations to you all

PumpkinP · 22/09/2019 13:09

I’m a single mum to 4, I think you will be fine 3 was fine imo..4 on the other hand 😫

Original poster

Jods1982 · 22/09/2019 15:40

yes @whoami24601, that does worry me a little about DD1. I work 4 days a week and so have a weekday with DD2 which she sometimes envious of (despite the fact I had exactly the same with her) and both squabble over me at times..

@PumpkinP.. there will definatley be no more than 3 (hubby looking at the snip after this one is born).. i'm not sure i can handle another miracle!

OP posts:

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