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Original poster

Old flames getting back in touch

14 replies

bullseye2018 · 22/09/2019 02:47

I've had a spate of this over the last few years. Old boyfriends or flings finding me on social media, lavishing me with compliments (old and new based on what they think they know of me and my life now) and wanting to reconnect. These are people I literally haven't see or heard from in 15-20 years, though I've spent a significant amount of that time overseas.

Most of them were real jerks at the time (as 20-something boys can be) and too busy wanting to sow their wild oats for a relationship. Many of them have moved on, become grownups (I assume), married with kids etc. As have I.

Despite the asshole behaviour at the time I don't hold any ill feelings towards any of them, but have little interest in catching up in any event. Why would I? Why would they?

Is this a mid-life crisis thing? It's not a big deal but I'm curious given it seems to be becoming a bit of a pattern. This a thing for anyone else?

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 22/09/2019 02:56

They are going through their little back books, looking for fuck.
Any fuck will do - just as long as they get to fuck something.

That is all.
Ignore them.

ShippingNews · 22/09/2019 03:06

I had this happen in my 40's - it must be a "thing" at that stage of life . Three guys from the past who suddenly wanted to contact me out of the blue. Two of them I just put off, saying I was married ( I wasn't ) and "no thanks". But one was a guy I'd had a real relationship with , things had gone wrong etc and we'd gone our separate ways. We ended up writing to each other over about a year, finally met up and the rest is history. We've been together for 15 years and got married 10 years ago. You never know how things are going to turn out !

Mothership4two · 22/09/2019 03:17

I think the lavishing me with compliments is a bit of a red flag that they are only after a fling especially if they are in a relationship. Although, the single ones may be looking for the 'one that got away'.

You are obviously not interested so ignore.

UBeaut · 22/09/2019 04:12

I'm clearly not that memorable, also mid 40's and it's not happened to me Grin

Just ignore if you're not interested.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 22/09/2019 04:28

I’ve had messages from two and a friend request from a third. I blocked them all. They’re exs for a reason and I’m happy and content with what I have now. I wouldn’t rock that boat for anyone, least of all an ex.

Shewhomustgowithoutname · 22/09/2019 05:07

Recently I had contact from someone from many years ago. It was a pleasant exchange of a few messages. I didnt read any more into it. I certainly didnt think it was an approach for sexual reasons

Original poster
bullseye2018 · 22/09/2019 06:17

@ShippingNews That's a nice story! Though it won't be like that for me as I have zero interest in these guys. Hard to imagine what I saw in them in the first place.

@Mothership4two The most compliments were from those who are (I think) single. And they're odd because they know nothing about my life and have just made guesses based on my LinkedIn profile. I've been polite and replied but made my lack of interest clear.

It's funny though, because it seems to be coinciding with a mid-life crisis of sorts of my own though with a very different focus. So if any of those guys have factored into my thoughts at all it has been more about trying to drill down to get to the root cause of why I put up with people like them and their ridiculous antics along the way. Why I didn't have more self-respect to recognise the red flags earlier and give them the flick. Work in progress...

@Shewhomustgowithoutname That's kind of how it's gone with me for the most part. It's only odd because it's happened several times now and I'm wondering where it's coming from.

Another blast from the past contacted me recently as well, though he was no old flame but rather the brother of a previous partner who lost the plot and decided to take it all out on me and his own girlfriend. I'd say the man is an actual psychopath. He destroyed his girlfriend and almost destroyed me and had no remorse. In his message he wanted to catch up about "some things he felt bad about". When I saw his name in my Inbox the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Not a chance. Hope he hasn't contacted his ex too.

OP posts:
PianoTuner567 · 22/09/2019 06:22

How are these people finding you? Sounds like your privacy settings need an overhaul.

Original poster
bullseye2018 · 22/09/2019 06:25

@PianoTuner567 Mostly LinkedIn.

OP posts:
LucaFritz · 22/09/2019 06:25

It's a tactic used by Fuckboys to get laid or into a relationship. They think because you fell for them once you'll do it again and it's easier for them than finding someone new Hmm delete block and laugh

Original poster
bullseye2018 · 22/09/2019 06:30

@LucaFritz That's weird. I would never go back to an ex. Several tried to get back soon after we broke up. Got enough of their oats out there to be content, I guess. But after all these years I would have thought they would go for someone shiny, new and far younger than me.

OP posts:
SilentAlarm · 22/09/2019 07:12

I’ve had this fairly recently. My ex (we were together around a year when we were 16/17, so 12 years ago!!) sent me a “Hey x” on FB messenger at 2.30AM on a Sunday morning.

It went into my “other” messages because we aren’t friends on Facebook so I didn’t see it until weeks later, but when I did it just got deleted.

Prettypumpkin · 22/09/2019 07:23

I've had this a couple of times. Not bragging or anything but I know that two men very much view me as "the one that got away" and they've not found anyone to settle down with. I've ignored and blocked. They start out just being friendly but it turns to flirty so quickly and it's just disrespectful to my husband and I

Septembersunrays · 22/09/2019 08:33

Shipping news that's so romantic. I love stories like that.

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