For not wanting to move again?

[1stmumma]

My boyfriend wants to move away from our family again but I don't want to.

We've been together 6 years and have a 3 month old together.

I've always been a home body, I've never wanted to move away from my family, and I can quite honestly say I love where I'm from. But my partner is very ambitious, and doesn't mind if he has to move away for work. We've moved away twice already and both times I was left on my own in a strange place for days on end as his job had him staying away for work. He had no interest in having a base at home and him traveling further, we had to be close to his job etc. We only moved back home when I fell pregnant. Now he's looking into jobs in Amsterdam and has asked if I'd move with him and the baby and I just can't. I get incredibly home sick, I struggle to be alone and can get really down and I just don't want my son to be so far away from his grandparents. Am I being selfish? This isn't the first time I've been hesitant to move away for his career, am I holding him back? He makes me feel so guilty when he brings stuff like this up I don't know what to do. But I know for definite that I want to stay put.

YANBU to not want to move away from your life and support system.

That said, can we swap partners? I keep looking at job openings in Amsterdam for DH. Would love to drag the kids there for a couple of years!! Right now we are looking at Ireland and DH - who is a bit of a mummy’s boy - would like his parents to follow us. Luckily they are lovely...

Have you talked about long term goals? It might not be reasonable to resist ever moving if you’ve always known his career is important to him and if it’s what it will take to achieve his dreams.

Whilst you have a baby, though, I think it’s perfectly normal to not want to feel isolated in another country.

Moving away from your support system is HARD! Moving overseas, even Europe with Brexit would not be a wise thing to do if you're not married and not working.

What are you like with making friends? Are you able to get out there, shoulders back and smile on your face in an unknown situation?

Amsterdam and surrounds do have an amazing expat community that would take you under their wing, but you'd have to be able to make the brave step of engaging with them. Could you do that?

What would your financial situation look like as well? If you're not working, would all funds be joint? Equal savings into each of your names every month? Would you have to ask for every penny from him or would you have free access to joint funds for whatever you need (not just household expenses, baby expenses but also some fun money).

Look at the whole picture of pros and cons and discuss openly between you how the shape of day to day life would look.

Good luck!

I'm all for adventure and have lived all over the world.

But yanbu not to want to. Especially with such a young baby. You need to tell your dp straight out and set his expectations.

There's no point him looking for jobs where you don't want to move to if he wants his family to stay together.

I still live in the small town I was born in and even if I won the lottery wouldn't move anywhere further than the outlying villages.

There's a lot to be said for having family and close friends nearby especially with young children.

Your partner isn't being unreasonable to ask however you both clearly have different opinions on home life and what's important, personally I'd stay especially as you've already moved twice for him and hated it.
Could you do long distance and him maybe come home every few weeks?

I wouldn’t move.

I get he has to work and his job is important, but his life is different now. He has other priorities and it’s not just about taking work wherever he can now. Surely you want to settle and it’s hard to keep moving and making new friends - if any. Also like you said, it’s too far from your family. Yes I get that it’s onky an 2 or 3 hours or so but still - right now when you need your family the most - YANBU for wanting that.

Have a serious talk with him and let him know your feelings and thoughts on this, and maybe you guys can come to some sort of compromise.

Good luck OP

Youre not unreasonable not to want to move. He isnt unreasonable to want to. And you refusing to move will probably hold him back, yes.

Do you work? Where is your career?

I'm on maternity at the moment and my line of work is retail management so I can do that anywhere. However I'm really not the best at making new friends, I'm unintentionally awkward and tend to put people off, I'm told I have resting bitch face but I'm honestly just shy. I'm pretty set on staying here, it's definitely one of those cases where If he wants us to stay together as a couple then we'd work it out. Saying that I am aware that I've made his past jobs difficult with my struggles, he worked in F1 so I was alone ALOT and I just couldn't cope. So if I am holding him back then I have to let him go, I love him a lot but I just can't be away from my family again. I honestly feel like a child with this but the security I feel knowing that they're down the road is so comforting to me and I'm a much happier person. I guess I'll have to see what happens, this is all in the pipe line but if he's considering Amsterdam then he's definitely not set on staying here is he?