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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let my 10 year old go on a 'date'?

13 replies

Figamol · 21/09/2019 19:48

Bit of background - we are Brits living in Italy - it seems strong emotions are encouraged here as you might expect! A lot of the kids in school seem to have crushes on each other. Her friends face time each other in the evenings to giggle and share these little secrets.

Our 10 year old has recently had a mutual crush on a boy in her class. We know their parents and they're a nice family. This week they snuck a cute but innocent note into each others bags 'I have a crush on you' with a picture of a heart and vice versa.

His parents messaged me to meet up at the local village fete but Im home alone ill with 3 other kids so when he offered to pick her up and let her join them for the evening I thought it was fine.

Now Im sat at home thinking its all a bit weird and probably too much too soon. I explained to my daughter (laughing) ok no kissing, no ides of boyfriends , this is two friends having a fun evening together.

On the other and I went to an all girls School all my youth and frankly I have a real hangover from it in that I am and always will be a bit awkward with men, so Im happy she will know how to have better relationships/friendships than I ever will!

What are everyone else's thoughts. Should I subtly try to steer her off these crushes, and if so how? Is 10 too soon to have these feelings? Or should I just let her continue to explore life, and keep very close tabs?

OP posts:

lljkk · 21/09/2019 20:04

They will bat eyes at each other & say a few nice things & point at each other in the playground. That's all. Harmless.

akmum18 · 21/09/2019 20:17

It’s harmless at this age they are just friends who like each other a lot it’s not like adult crushes they’re not mature enough for those type of feelings yet. It’s good for your daughter so Dont be worried it’s all part of growing up. Also a mum of a 10 year old with a ‘boyfriend’

incontrolofmyownlife · 21/09/2019 20:18

I think at her age I would just refer to it as meeting up with a friend, not a 'date'. That just feels too old to me, and something she can think about further down the line.

But I see no harm in them meeting up (with a parent?) and spending some time together and like you say, it will help her to build healthy relationships with the opposite sex.

milliefiori · 21/09/2019 20:20

They're just playing. I had a wedding with the boy next door when I was about 8. We were quite serious about each other.

Original poster

Figamol · 21/09/2019 20:22

Thanks for the reassurance ladies. My parents were soooo strict - like to the point I was embarrassed about saying I was getting married....

Clearly I know this was not normal - but neither do I know where normal lies!! She is pretty obsessed but hopefully it will pass in the same way her obsession with LOL dolls did ;) ;)

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 21/09/2019 20:24

She really is just going on a play date with the boys family rather an actual date. I would treat it the same way you would a visit to a female friend of DD.
My DD(9) has a 'boyfriend' and he has been over to visit but its no different to one of her girlfriends coming over. They don't do anything romantic just play roblox.

FlaviaAlbia · 21/09/2019 20:25

I know two children who were parents at 12 and 13 so I'm on the side of you can't prevent crushes but you can keep a close eye on behaviour. I think you've handled it well.

Booboostwo · 21/09/2019 20:30

At that age it’s a play date but in general her emotional development is her journey. You should not be telling her when it is appropriate for her to have emotions and when to act on them - you’d be setting her up for a lifetime of other people controlling her emotions. You should be creating an environment where she feels empowered to say no to anything she feels uncomfortable about and confident to come to you for help when she needs it.

Original poster

Figamol · 21/09/2019 20:34

@booboostwo Totally agree to a point - but also want to make sure I give her the right advice and put her on the right path when she cant always figure it out herself. Luckily we have an amazing relationship - she tells me everything and Im always careful to not be judge and mostly just ask her the right questions for her to be able to figure out her own emotions. Basically just trying to be the mum I needed at her age ;) ;)

OP posts:

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 21/09/2019 20:36

Fecking hideous LOL dolls

Original poster

Figamol · 21/09/2019 20:38

@BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil

Totally agree. Literally begging for Greta Thunberg to hold them up as the evil of our modern earth....

OP posts:

Answerthequestion · 21/09/2019 21:10

They’re 10, they have gone to a fete with the boys parents. It’s a play date.

Boom45 · 21/09/2019 21:18

I went on "dates" at that age. Just trips to the cinema or down the park or whatever. Nothing more than a bit of holding hands but it was good fun and probably helped me make that step from kid to teenager slowly, rather than in one big leap.

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