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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to invite her?

14 replies

Needtopaintmynails · 21/09/2019 19:34

My friend has recently started inviting another friend along every time we meet up.

I don’t tend to mind as I do like her ... it’s just sometimes I’d like it to just be me and friend.

(Other friend has a long term partner, close family and talks about other friends so she isn’t lonely)

OP posts:

Skysblue · 21/09/2019 21:37

Yanbu. That’s weird and a bit rude. Good luck, sounds awkward!

AdoreTheBeach · 21/09/2019 22:25

No. You’re not BU. Totally understand if you want to meet up with just your friend from time to time as a third person, no matter how lovely, can change the dynamics.

misspiggy19 · 21/09/2019 22:33

YANBU- I wouldn’t like it either

crazycatgal · 21/09/2019 22:37

YANBU, I have a friend that tries to do this

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 21/09/2019 22:42

I have a friend who always turns up with her mum. Mum is lovely but it does change the dynamic of the get together.

vavavoomdeboom · 22/09/2019 04:29

Sounds like she wants to change the dynamic. Has a particular topic been the main focus of conversation before?

redcarbluecar · 22/09/2019 05:06

Yanbu but sounds like you need to make it explicit that sometimes you’d like it to just be the 2 of you.

aintnutinchanged · 22/09/2019 05:10

Oh god!! I had a friend like this used to drive me potty 😂😂

Winterlife · 22/09/2019 05:18

Either the third friend is going through something so your friend wants to help her, or your friend wants to distance herself from you.

Mothership4two · 22/09/2019 05:19

I had a friend who did this too but now I am really good friends with the other friend. I was too polite to say "can it just be the two of us?" occasionally, which is ridiculous and very uptight of me - especially as our friendship is so relaxed. Would your friend mind if you did that?

I think it is something women do when they are a bit time poor.

JeSuisPoulet · 22/09/2019 05:51

I think I used to do this! GUILTY!
I did it usually because I wanted to help the other person or to get like-minded people to meet. Sometimes it is more fun, especially if one is bogged in relationship drama and has been banging on a bit (love my friends but we've all done this).

I'm a bit odd though and never keep groups separate - friends are friends for a reason IMO and I'm shite at getting a sitter so down time is limited. It has helped me steer clear of people I thought were OK before too.

Coyoacan · 22/09/2019 06:02

Tell your friend that you would like one-to-one conversations. The dynamic changes when there are three. I did that with a friend of mine whose bf took to tagging along when we met up and she understood perfectly.

Monty27 · 22/09/2019 06:07

How are you and friend supposed to catch up properly when she brings sómeone else who presumably you're more guarded amongst and not as close to.
You need to say it though.
In a good way.

PumpityPumpPump · 22/09/2019 06:10

I'm shy so find 1 on 1 to be quite a pressure to entertain. Always prefer more people there. Could they be the same?

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