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Original poster

Help! Stubborn child!

13 replies

FeelingSad2 · 21/09/2019 17:37

So DS2 has always been quite slow to warm up and cautious. We used to be really patient. We would spend time for example taking him to the pool to watch other kids, then getting him sitting poolside etc.. for a bit before finally encouraging him into the pool for first lesson. At nursery it was the same - took him a long time to settle, but we were very patient and encouraging and he got there in the end. He never ever wants to do anything until on his terms, and it takes him ages to pluck up the courage etc... Fair enough, we are all different (DS1 jumps head first into everything! So it's been very different to what we'd expected, but he's such a lovely little boy and I've not minded being patient till now).

However, he's now 5 (nearly 6) and was great in terms of settling into reception. he also tried a new swimming class in reception year which he loves and runs straight into now! So we thought we'd turned a corner! He even started asking for more swimming lessons at the end if reception year, which shocked me! I tried him out with some crash courses in the summer holidays, which he was fine with - different teacher for each and he was straight in, so I caved and spent money on a terms lessons with an expensive swim school (he did the crash courses with them so I thought the safest bet).

First lesson 2 weeks ago was a complete disaster. He wouldn't get in, tears etc... We decided to move him to a different site (same swim.school) with a different teacher last week and he was fine! Took him back today and he refused to get in again and there were more tears:(

Last week was a substitute teacher and today is the teacher they are meant to have all term. Apparantly DS doesn't like her, even though he didn't even get in the pool.

We have had the same issue with gymnastics this term - pestered me for ages. Loved the 3 separate trials he had ( He did so many exactly because we were worried he'd hate it after the first one.) Now he's refusing to go :(

I dont care if he doesn't want to do stuff - but after having pestered me, tried these things out, and me paying a LOT for all these leaaons, I feel he should go to at least the things he asked for and I've paid for.

It's been a day of tears today and DH and I are worn out and stressed.

Any advice??

OP posts:
FunderAnna · 21/09/2019 17:42

I'd stop taking him to classes for a while. And if he asks why, tell him. Give it all a break till the New Year...

Phineyj · 21/09/2019 17:45

I have a child like this. It is generally due to anxiety not defiance. In our case we've switched to activities which are pay and play or direct debit without a large upfront payment so she can change her mind. Have you a friend/relative who could take him once or twice? Sometimes they act up less with a non parent.

Address his anxieties and drop the 'but we're wasting so much money'. 5 yos can't understand that.

Original poster
FeelingSad2 · 21/09/2019 17:45

FunderAnna - problem is I've paid alot for these classes (300 pounds for swimming term, and about 150 for gymnastics. We are actually not very well off, so it's making me feel sick to think of the money we r losing. I only paid so much for swimming because he had his crash courses in the summer with this company and it went so well, I thought he'd be fine in the termly lessons :( I doubt they'll refund)

OP posts:
BusyMumHere · 21/09/2019 18:01

I would try for partial refund at the very least.

If your child has anxiety, there's nothing you can do. It's an expensive lesson you're having to learn. The next time you wouldn't be signing up for terms lesson.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 21/09/2019 18:12

I was like this as a child apparently. It wasn't stubbornness it was anxiety but wasn't picked up on until I was an adult. It's taken me years and years to get it under control and even now I really have to force myself to do things that I do actually want to do anyway

BarbariansMum · 21/09/2019 18:19

Ds2 was like this and yes it was anxiety but if you've spent that much I'd persevere a lot longer than a couple of weeks. With ds2 he was generally ok if you could get him over the first initial hump.

Elieza · 21/09/2019 18:25

Speak to the place you paid the money to and see if you could postpone until later in the year or next year or something as his anxiety is an issue. Worth a try. They may have more classes later when he’s a bit older and understands himself what it is that’s making him unsure so he can tell you and you can come up with a coping strategy.

SummerHouse · 21/09/2019 18:38

We had this. 6 yr old loved gymnastics. Paid for association membership, 6 weeks of sessions, annual club fee, leotard (which he slept in), floor bars and special competition day. Que "I'm not going!"

I was really sad as he was incredibly good and enthusiastic. So sad that he was losing this. Annoyed about the money.

Then I thought fuck this. Don't throw bad emotions after bad. He was never going to be in team GB. Now I think of all the money I am saving by him not going. Ch-ching!

He is now a footballer and it's loads cheaper.

The gymnastics u turn was all about a member of staff he took agin. TBF he didn't have to explain which one. This chap gives a very bad vibe.

Just enjoy your sweet sensitive boy. They are rare and beautiful. Just watch him while he is sleeping tonight and start again tomorrow. Flowers

Original poster
FeelingSad2 · 21/09/2019 18:52

Ah thanks all. I feel really bad that my patience has gone out the window today. You're right about him being anxious and sensitive, though of course he's too young to verbalise his anxiety. To be honest, he's quite a good judge of character and the teachers he tends to refuse are not the best! Yes, I'll try and get a refund, or at least a credit note that DS1 (who couldn't give 2 hoots if he was being taught by Frankenstein !!) can use in the future.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 21/09/2019 18:59

That's the spirit OP. You will get there with him. He is lucky to have such a patient understanding mum. Flowers

andannabegins · 21/09/2019 19:20

Just out of interest how long are those payments for? That seems a ridiculously Hugh amount for a term!

Original poster
FeelingSad2 · 21/09/2019 19:23

It's 15 weeks andanna - I know I know, it's a v expensive swim school, but the classes are.small.and he enjoyed the crash courses over the holidays so I thought better to stick with them than switch to the local council.ones (he already does a class with thw regular cou cil swim school once a week and enjoys that one but they don't do his stage on saturdays!)

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSad2 · 21/09/2019 19:25

Not sure the above made any sense! I know what I meant!!! But anyway, it's expensive! Lesson learnt!!

OP posts:
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