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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend homeless

20 replies

Greysmanicfan41 · 21/09/2019 17:32

She been told bb down in rough area, and then they get her temp accommodation until her house but goes through, mum threw her out,

I live at home with mum + autistic half bro
I care for mum she away for 2 weeks so I gave her and son my bedroom, considering I am ill and need good sleep, thought few nights then eventually council will offer temp accommodation until ASAP

But she now told council she got mine to stay at and I'm like bit shocked thinking she be sorted in 2/4 days or she find studio or air bnb or she talk to her ex and her son sorted she can do housesgare for month or so

But now I'm kinda lumbered and she very entitled so having party tonight and wishes my friends to be quiet from 10pm and her friend will be popping round, and how she felt my half bro smells and moved my fridge around and she just doesn't ask just does?

Instead of keeping 8 year quiet as much as possible he was screaming giggling at 6am
We got loads films park coffee shop nearby

AIBU here

OP posts:

Pinkyyy · 21/09/2019 17:36

Kick her out then. Obviously she was behaving the same at home, and probably considerably worse, to get kicked out to begin with. You've got enough on your plate and she sounds like a PITA.

formerbabe · 21/09/2019 17:36

How old are you? You sound very young. Does your mother know you have let your friend move in?

Shebertherbert · 21/09/2019 17:37

Tell the cf to her to pack her stuff and get out.

messolini9 · 21/09/2019 17:41

she very entitled so having party tonight and wishes my friends to be quiet from 10pm and her friend will be popping round, and how she felt my half bro smells and moved my fridge around and she just doesn't ask just does?

First up, you make her understand that it's your house, & she is a temporary guest who doesn't get to impose rules or invite other people round.

Secondly, you tell her to ring the council again & explain that she does NOT have "accommodation" with you - that all you are providing is a few nights respite.

Thirdly, you give her a date to move out, & stick to it.

wibbletooth · 21/09/2019 17:54

I would also ring the council up and explain that she was just staying with you while others were away but they are returning very soon and she needs to be gone as there will be nowhere for them to stay; that the offer was always limited to a few days and she had no right to tell them that she was staying with you.

I would also be tempted to add that you will be asking her to leave early due to the fact that she is disrupting your life and so they might need to find her something even earlier.

NotStayingIn · 21/09/2019 18:28

You need to get her to leave - give her a deadline and do not negotiate. You are putting the welfare of your mother and autistic brother at risk by having her continue to stay. She sounds vile and a taker. It wasn't your house to invite anyone to stay at in the first place! It was sweet that you wanted to help and a shame that this woman is taking the piss. Now undo what you did.

CSIblonde · 21/09/2019 18:52

She's taken advantage of your good nature. Tell her she has to go. The Council won't help if she stays at yours as they'll say she's technically no longer homeless.Their tactic to get numbers down is to refuse help unless you are actually on the street with your suitcases. She needs to turn up there and say you've kicked her out & take the B&B option.

lovemenorca · 21/09/2019 18:56

How old is her son?
Do you have learning difficulties?

Based on your OP my guess if she’s taking advantage of you

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 21/09/2019 19:03

I'm 29 and mum was fine with it

OP posts:

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 21/09/2019 19:07

She booked a air bnb for 4th Oct for month

Why didn't she just do it from Monday?
Or go straight to the bloody place?

Her ex doesn't know yet think son will say,
And he won't him let him stay here due to fact he has own bedroom at his dads

So sharing with his mum disruptive

I wasn't invite to son bday party or family thing until she was made homeless?

OP posts:

Pinkyyy · 21/09/2019 19:14

You're not making any sense. Enjoy your party and post in the morning as I think the drinks are affecting your ability to type.

lovemenorca · 21/09/2019 19:17

Makes me sad to think there’s children involved in this scenario

NotStayingIn · 21/09/2019 19:30

Apologies OP I thought you said you invited her to stay whilst your mom was away and I assumed it was without your moms permission.

It all sounds rather confused and messy. I would still advice to ask her politely but firmly to leave ASAP. You don’t need this level of drama in your home.

Elieza · 21/09/2019 19:49

If she was only supposed to be here while your mum was away does she know that? ie that by xx date my mum will need her room back so I need mine back so you are out.

If she knows just enforce that. If she doesn’t because you didn’t tell her then perhaps a couple of extra days. Not a near fortnight until 4 October. That’s too much.

Does the council still prioritise people as much if they are sofa surfing as opposed to in a b&b? They didn’t use to up here but our rules may be different. If they do at yours you aren’t doing her any favours by letting her stay as she won’t move up the council list as quickly when with you? That may be a way to get her persuaded to go quicker.

I’d have her out as she’s disrespectful to you and your family. Is it her party? I’d never dream of doing such a thing in someone else’s house and certainly not without being given permission. Fine if it’s your party though of course, it’s your house and you can throw one for whomever you wish.

CSIblonde · 21/09/2019 20:42

@Elieza, Housing see sofa surfing as "not technically being homeless" . You have to be on the street with your worldly possessions etc before they consider you homeless. I even had to be 'investigated' by Housing before they'd help. I'd lost my job, then my flat & ended up in a mental health unit as a result & had already provided the Housing people with my eviction notice, my Dr's letter & my mental health unit letter all confirming my homelessness. It took a 3week 'investigation' & 6page 'Evidence Form' before they caved & helped me.

Elieza · 21/09/2019 23:03

Thanks @CSIblonde that confirms what I thought. That she will be rehoused more slowly if she stays with the OP. So the OP is not actually doing her a favour in that regard. That’s your excuse to put her out OP. “Sorry but I’m sure I told you about my mum coming back and that you staying here was short term. Plus you know you will be housed more slowly when you are not in a B&B so I’m not helping you get a house by keeping you here. So you need to get in touch with the housing ASAP and tell them as of xx date you need a B&B. I hate the thought of you being there but it’s a means to an end so just go for it and get your house. It will all be worth while once you get your own pad. Would you like a run down to the housing office when you get your appointment with them arranged”.

Original poster

Greysmanicfan41 · 23/09/2019 19:06

She got money in savings so doubt she be helped either way!

OP posts:

Cocobean30 · 23/09/2019 19:08

Kick her out if she can’t even be respectful in your house. Not surprised she’s ended up homeless if she’s like this. She should be grateful for your help and eager to help you

gamerchick · 23/09/2019 19:16

Now you know why she's homeless.

Kick her out and tell her to fuck off in future, you're letting her walk all over you.

IsobelRae23 · 23/09/2019 19:53

Tell her ‘you need to be gone tomorrow, no discussion, end of’.

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