DH doesn’t take responsibility for DC and I’m fed up!

[Actaea]

1yo DC is napping in the bedroom. DH has decided to swan off down to the garage block at the end of the street and faff about with his vintage car. Someone has to stay in the house with DC so I’m trapped.

AIBU to be annoyed? We’re both parents but he think it’s ok to just walk out and leave me stuck. Maybe I wanted to go out somewhere while he stayed in with DC!

This is after he went out last night and I stayed home with DC. Tomorrow we’re driving to his parents for the day so I won’t get any me time.

He does this all the time. Turns up when he feels like it and goes out when he feels like it, just assuming I’ll look after DC. I’ve asked him to let me know what time he’ll be home from work (so I know what time he’ll take DC off my hands) but he regards that as unreasonable because it’s my DC and there shouldn’t be a time limit on my care. Meanwhile I’m sat at home not knowing if I can go to the gym or visit my gran tonight because I don’t know what time DH will show up.

Tell him. Don’t ask.

Let him take DC to his parents by himself and have some me time tomorrow?

Why don't you tell DH that he is taking his DC to his parents tomorrow, and you're going to stay home, go to the gym, and go see your gran. Preferably as you buckle DC into his car seat, and once he's in the car. . .

Tell him to come back, you're going out. Job done.

Unless you're scared of him? In which case this is a different thread..

Why don't you tell DH that he is taking his DC to his parents tomorrow, and you're going to stay home, go to the gym, and go see your gran. Preferably as you buckle DC into his car seat, and once he's in the car.

^do this and your problem is solved.

I rang his mobile and said WTF? He said I’m polishing the car, it’s not like I’m out having fun. I called him selfish etc because he didn’t even ask me if I’d watch DC while he went out, so he hung up.

Take the peanuts to the garage and tell him you’re going to the gym.

Definitely don’t go tomorrow.

Pram not peanuts!

Don’t go tomorrow.

Next time he does this you could ring him and say you’ve popped out to the shops is there anything he needs whilst he’s home with dd and see what he says....

If you are married to someone selfish unfortunately you have to become a little selfish on your own behalf. Don't ask. Tell. Regular activities with fixed times help too.

Me and DH have this argument sometimes; I do tell him that he’ll need to be in for me to go out and do things and he’s always there without complaint but it frustrates me that he will just assume I’m at home to look after DD while I have to purposefully make sure he’s home for me to do things.

Take the sleeping child to him in a buggy and leave him to it.

YANBU to be annoyed by your DH behaviour. I agree about not going to his parents tomorrow. I wouldn't warn him though as I bet the trip will get cancelled if he knows you won't be around to mind dc whilst he's there. Let him know a couple of hours before hand or with enough notice so ILS don't make lunch/dinner for you.

Get in the habbit of going out regularly even when you don't need or want to so he gets used to pulling his weight a bit more.

I rang his mobile and said WTF? He said I’m polishing the car, it’s not like I’m out having fun.

Well, if it's not fun, what is the point in owning a vintage car? Suggest he sells it so that he isn't burdened by it and then you will have more time for fun things too!

Let him go with the kids tomorrow, though I wouldn't tell him until the last minute to stop him sabotaging it somehow. Say you don't feel well in the half hour or so before going and cry off. Have a day to yourself. Then work out the plan for getting to do more of this in future.