Forever overinvesting in people

[Weston14]

Sorry everyone I know this is the second thread I've made this week moaning...

I constantly feel like with friendships that it is always me who is the driving force. As I mentioned in my last thread, I'm based abroad for a few months working in my company's office in this country. For the second time this week, I've been let down by a (different) new-ish friend here over plans to go and socialise. I'm really far away from home and feeling a bit lonely and shit about it. I feel like when I'm not in work I just fester in my flat here.

The situation extends back home too. I have some lovely, dear friends who I know/hope think the same of me but it is an absolute battle sometimes to stay in touch because I am always the one driving things. I am constantly organising outings or suggesting get togethers or trips away. And when they do come to fruition we have a lovely time; but it always is dependent on me organising it. What's more, I feel like I'm always being cancelled on or stood up. The obvious answer is to cut back on the amount of "doing" I do but my fear there is if I stopped that I'd never see some of these people!

What is the answer MN?

You could give someone else the responsibility. They're used to you doing all the organising. Just say to one of them "it's your turn to organise the next outing"... But maybe set a date or a month "... In October"

You can't change other people but maybe they've got so used to you doing it they don't think about taking responsibility.

You are the driving force because you are the driving force.
That's your nature.
You have friends who are happy to go along with your suggestions, go to the places you suggest, at the time that you suggest.
Then you have a great time.
Your friends are probably a bit more like me. Easygoing and a tad lazy.
But if it bothers you, stop being the driving force. If my friends didn't contact me for a while, I would contact them and suggest a meet up. Almost never happens though.
Because they are driving forces and they just can't help themselves

@Giraffecantdanse @hazell42 Thanks both.

You're right, I am just going to ease off for a bit and see where it takes me. I always remember my mother telling me that in life some people are "do-ers" and some people are more passive.

I'm in this boat. I have one old friend who I'm sure is a real friend but without fail I'm left to organise everything.

I haven't done so for a few months and we haven't met up. So am I fooling myself?

Not sure if people are jusy so used to me organising stuff they dont think to bother, or I'm actually friendless but in denial.

Sorry I cant suggest anything more helpful!

@CloudsCanLookLikeSheep sorry I don't have any advice for you either! I don't think you're fooling yourself, as PPs have said you just need to push for things sometimes. People are generally happy to take you up on your offer but not to actually make any plans themselves in the first place. I'm sure you'll see them again soon and I'm sure you'll both have a lovely time.