To think I must be fucking awful?!

[NotAProperGrownUp]

My ex-husband left me 8 months ago after admitting he is in love with his colleague with whom he has been in a relationship for a year. He has, after the initial shittiness, been great - agreed to lots of maintenance, put the kids first, let me have all the furniture etc. I’m in my own house now, doing fine on the face of it. But I’m left feeling worthless. He obviously misses the kids and only sees them twice a week. How bad must I be that he is willing to see so little of them and lose out on the family we both used to love? I know, logically, he just fell out of love or whatever but I’m left with the thought that he’d rather be miserable alone than with me. I genuinely don’t know what is so wrong with me - so how do I change it for future relationships if I ever manage to have one?!

Rejection hurts so much. You need to get a bit of anger towards him and realize you deserve so much better and that’d be tar you should have want. It takes time, be kind to yourself.

You're not awful at all OP. Even your username sounds like you struggle with self esteem. Most people feel that way after a rejection, and it feels even worse if it's on top of having a low self worth in the first place. Therapy can make a difference. Either way, hugs to you and wishing you feel back to your old self (or even better!) soon xxxxx

That’s just it - I’m just a sadcase with low self esteem and he’s out fighting for his future happiness. Only I’m still the one doing the same stuff - washing, school liaison, play dates, period chats - while he enjoys weekends away and meals out with his girlfriend. I feel like such a mug, but don’t want to let my children down any more than they have been already.

I'm lying in bed feeling exactly the same as you. My ex left us 18 months ago and I'm still not over it. He left me for nobody else, which feels worse. He left his house, kids everything to get away from me and it breaks my heart. I worshipped the ground he walked on and he treated me like shit, but he still left me. I was soon replaced and he's happy with his new girlfriend. I feel awful because I bent over backwards to try and make him happy but he rejected me and walked away.

It might not feel like it, but you got the jackpot. He gets limited time with his kids and he knows he did wrong. They will see him for who he is in future. What was in his pants was more important to him than them.
If you are open to it, you could meet someone great, with the same values as you who will not betray you as he did.

This whole situation says nothing about you and everything about him. As your DC get older they will work things out for themselves. Big love

OP, you absolutely are NOT awful. The awful one here is your husband who has totally failed to live up to the commitment he made to you when he married you, and who has also chosen to opt out of parenting his children. He is an utterly selfish being and he is NOT “being great”! Isn’t it very easy for him to be “generous” when you are the one left taking care of your children while he gets on with the new life he has chosen without a care for the lives of those he helped to create? He is the one who is “fucking awful”, not you, by any stretch of the imagination.
Definitely consider therapy/counseling for yourself. You have experienced one of the major traumas in life and you deserve to get whatever help you need to help you cope with it, and come out the other side with your self-esteem restored. You sound like a strong, caring, selfless mum, and your children are lucky to have one parent who isn’t a self-centred, immature prat.

The mistake you’re making is to turn this on yourself. He’s behaved like a faithless prick, he’s swanning around with the OW and leaving you to desperately provide as much continuity as possible for DC - and you’re attacking yourself about this?! It’s him - its his fault. You are fine, you behaved honourably and continue to behave honourably. You’re awesome. Don’t take your appalled anger and spray it back all over yourself - he’s the one who deserves harsh judgment. You deserve healing time, kindness, and lots of self compassion.

It doesn't sound like he left you....it sounds like he wanted carefree single life again and actually his family got in the way