AIBU Overprotective over baby

[Blossie0]

Me & DH are clashing with his family atm over some of our parenting choices and I just want outside perspective whether aibu.

Baby is currently 2 1/2 months old. MIL asked why she always has to come to our house, she lives in same city not far. DH confirmed it's because FIL is a heavy smoker who mostly smokes outdoors but if the weather is a bit bad or cold will just stand at the French doors connecting lounge to garden so smokes inside essentially. We have said we have concerns over second hand smoke and she lost it saying her children were exposed to it and were fine.

Secondly we don't visit as his brother works away a lot in the week so leaves his boisterous Alsatian with the mum to mind. She's not badly behaved as such but hates children, jumps up and is smelly. We've said the baby doesn't need to be around a big jumpy dog and MIL has commented we are ridiculous and must get baby used to the dog. We went to a small family bbq where the dog was and as soon as we walked in with baby the brother let the dog run at my husband holding the baby and he jumped up which led to DH snapping at brother and brother leaving early! Mum took BIL side and sent some nasty messages.

So are we being over zealous about the second hand smoke (terrified of SIDS) and not wanting baby around a big jumping dog which isn't on a lead or in another room. This is causing family tension and i feel I am being pressured to put my baby in situations which I consider unsafe. AIBU?

Never in a million years would my child stay in hat environment. YANBU.

Reminder her inviting her isn't a summons. She doesn't have to come to you.
But you will be putting the safety of your dc first whether she likes it or not.
End of chat.

Yanbu, your mil is stupid if she thinks the massive link between SIDS and second hand smoke isn’t real. And why should the baby have to get used to a big untrained dog? Your baby, your rules, she doesn’t get to dictate what you do with your own child!

YANBU at all. I wouldnt send my child to stay in that environment. Youre not stopping her from seeing the child, just providing a safe environment. She is the unreasonable one.

No I don’t think you are. Why expose a young baby to smoke when unnecessary

If the dog was well behaved, liked children etc then it would be different. Even then you have to watch them like a hawk just in case but in this situation you don’t fully trust the dog or the people around it to help keep it under control. I’d feel the same and you have to do what you need to in order to protect your child

YADNBU!!!!! No way would I knowingly and regularly expose my baby (or child or any age!) to second hand smoke and a big jumpy dog!

MIL is just being defensive because she takes it as a personal criticism of her own parenting choices.

Unfortunately this is parenthood. But you just have to put your children first

I have 3 GCs. You are not being overprotective, you are being normal.

I wouldn't have my 5yr old in that environment much less a newborn. YANBU.

Yanbu. My ds is similar age, I have family who smoke but they all know if they have smoked they will not be holding the baby for at least 20 mins. I don't care if its over protective, it's my baby. I even used to smoke myself. I don't have the dog problem but certainly wouldn't be visiting in those circumstances.

Nope you are not unreasonable at all. My fil stopped smoking in his house completely when we had a child. My parents had my brother and his two dogs live with them when we had DS 2. After I saw one dog stand over my toddler - who I had stopped watching for 1 second - I refused to enter the house while the dogs were there. Whilst it was inconvenient for us all (eldest 2 could no longer have sleep overs at grandparents and my mum had to come to us every time....) We all did it. DH and I were on exactly the same page and my parents whilst not liking or agreeing respected our decision.

MIL can bugger off. Absolutely no way would my baby be anywhere near the smoking or the dog. She needs to wind her neck in. If she doesn't want to visit that's absolutely brilliant fine.

I wouldn't take my almost 5 year old somewhere where she'd be indoors with a smoker and a big boisterous dog. The idea that a 10 week old baby needs to get used to a dog is ridiculous. Stand your ground, you're doing great

Nope yanbu in any way.

You are right. They are wrong.

Yanbu!

Nope. Not at all unreasonable.

My mum and her partner smoked heavily in our house. My sisters and I are fine. Oh yeah... except for the asthma we all grew up with and the constant cold and allergies which were clearly related.

And no to the dog too.

Your MIL sounds tricky.

You are NOT been unreasonable, in the slightest. I've been in the same boat, my Mother in law couldn't understand why we wouldn't visit a family members house because 'they only smoke in the kitchen, you'd be in another room'. Exposing your baby to second hand smoke is ill advised and the risks surrounding SIDS is enough of a reason to say no, never mind throwing in a dog! It's unnecessary for you to put your LO in that environment at such a young age; I wouldn't take my 7yo!

Oh bless you. That’s not something you should have to be worrying about at this lovely time with your baby. And I 100% don’t believe you are being unreasonable. At all!
What I would say though is that I’m sure your in-laws are not trying to be unreasonable. It might be that they just don’t see these things as big issues or might be that they are feeling judged.
I hope they will see that you are only doing what’s right for your baby.

Thank you everyone, I will continue to stand my ground - she's made several comments that I should also put baby to sleep on his tummy to make him sleep longer (as that's the way she did it) and has suggested I stop breastfeeding and use formula to ease colic and make baby sleep longer...., useless advice to a breastfeeding mum

She raised her kids her way your raising your baby your way. She didn't use a car seat with safety straps and a seat belt either but your not going to just lay your baby on the back seat when driving to bounce about. (shows how times have changed). Tell her if they can guarantee not smoked in doors for x amount of time and the dog not being there you will visit but a wiff of smoke and your gone.

Yanbu this is awful

I wouldn't leave my cat in the environment, let alone my 2 kids! You really have to go with your gut and never be pushed into any situation which makes you feel uncomfortable.