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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not believe partner?

47 replies

YoungFallen · 20/09/2019 21:01

Name changed as could be outing..

Partner said when he was 16/17 he had a dd and he sees her. But her mum had another child when he was 19/20 and he said he is even though he looks ALOT like partner. When he was born he wasn't with his ex and they split up when he was 19.

I asked him to do a DNA test and he refused because he isn't his dad.

What should i do?

OP posts:

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 20/09/2019 22:16

If there was any question this is his child and the child looks like him he should want to know for sure. He won’t take the test because he thinks there is a chance.

He’s a prick. Find someone better.

Original poster

YoungFallen · 20/09/2019 22:18

We've been together for 3 years. And no i wasn't around when 2nd child was born

His ex isnt pushing for maintenance because she knows he won't pay and would say he isn't the dad

OP posts:

gostiwooz · 20/09/2019 22:27

He won't take the DNA test because he thinks he's the father, and he doesn't want to accept responsibilty for his child, and have to pay maintenance.

ymf117 · 20/09/2019 22:35

Red flag for me. Sounds very much like he is the father otherwise he'd just take a test, but you know that OP. Are these kids young? He should want to rule it out for their sakes

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 20/09/2019 22:47

He could be crap at maths and genuinely believes the child isn't his.

He could have been drunk and forgotten he slept with his ex.

Was he with someone else when the child was conceived? He could know the child is his but the sons existence is proof he is a cheat and liar so he denies he is his so all the lies he probably told at that time won't get exposed.

It's dodgy that he refuses to do the test.

Merryoldgoat · 20/09/2019 22:51

Honestly, what are you doing? Why would you hang around here? You clearly don’t trust him (rightly so) so what is the point?

Merryoldgoat · 20/09/2019 22:53

His ex isnt pushing for maintenance because she knows he won't pay and would say he isn't the dad

Plus this shit.

Why would you make a life with a man who refuses to support his child? If he’s not the dad it’s easy to prove but his refusal tells you all you need to know.

C0untDucku1a · 20/09/2019 22:57

Everything youve said about him makes him sound like a shit.

Look at how he is with his existing children and his ex to get an idea of how he will treat you

TriciaH87 · 20/09/2019 23:14

If he is its up to his ex to get child maintenance service to do dna test and go for payments. Nothing to do with you I'm affraid.

SuzieSunshine · 21/09/2019 00:10

I've not experienced this so apologies - but if the ex persued him for maintenance and he refuses to do the DNA test can he be forced to either take the test or pay the money until the issue's resolved as to paternity? Seems a bit strange that the ex has decided that just because she knows he won't pay she's letting it go. Surely, legally, he should be made to either take a test or pay maintenance.

dontgobaconmyheart · 21/09/2019 02:59

He sounds a bit grim OP. It does seem like he refuses in case it is his really- that he doesn't want to rock the boat or cause himself liability or have seen to have been lying to you.

I find it equally hard to believe those saying it's none of your business, would not have a vested interest in this if it were their DP, why would you not want to know how many kids your serious partner actually has or whether he is an avoidant dishonest dick. You'd be mad to not be fussed surely!

Didntwanttochangemyname · 21/09/2019 07:44

What do you see in this guy? Are you hoping to marry him? Have children together one day? It's probably not a great idea.....

Original poster

YoungFallen · 21/09/2019 07:51

Yes they are young. He said he knows he isn't the dad because when 2nd child was conceived he wasn't with his ex as they'd already split up.

No he wasn't in a relationship when 2nd child was conceived/born.

OP posts:

eladen · 21/09/2019 08:46

Why would she lie? He called her crazy too yet?

C0untDucku1a · 21/09/2019 08:50

Wasn't with the ex by how long? Is he talking days, weeks or months?

@SuzieSunshine lots of women just on mumsnet don't pursue maintenance because they dont want to rock the boat as they know their ex is difficult / abusive / a selfish asshole etc and pursuing it would make their lives more difficult.

Original poster

YoungFallen · 21/09/2019 09:22

He said he split up with her months before he was conceived.

And he said she's lying because his real dad doesn't want to be involved so she's saying he's the dad

OP posts:

CallmeAngelina · 21/09/2019 09:27

What a shame Jeremy Kyle is no longer airing. This set-up would have fitted right in.
Move on, OP. You can do better then this.

SuzieSunshine · 21/09/2019 14:08

So all in all he's just being stubborn in not taking the DNA test just to prove a point? Sounds crazy to me - if he takes the test then everyone will know where they stand. Poor liitle kid will grow up not knowing who his real Dad is. Selfish & childish behaviour.

gostiwooz · 21/09/2019 15:59

If I were in his shoes, I'd want to take the DNA test to prove once and for all that I wasn't the father, and to put an end to it.

Merryoldgoat · 21/09/2019 17:15

Why WOULDN’T you do the test in that situation? IF he’s sure then there’s zero downside.

Is he... er... not very bright?

PooWillyBumBum · 21/09/2019 17:34

If he’s not doing the test and refusing maintenance then remember you’re probably staring into your future with him. Enjoy being a single mum with an arsehole for an ex, OP.

As another poster said it’s a shame Jeremy Kyle is no longer on the air as your boyfriend would fit right in.

lyralalala · 21/09/2019 17:52

Why are you with him if you genuinely believe he has a child he is disowning?

Does he pay maintenance for the child he does acknowledge?

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