To not keep things from my DH

[AnExParrot]

This may be an odd thing to ask about but I feel a little torn.

My DH and I have been together for 5 years and married for 2. During that time, my DM has told me a few things and told me to 'not tell [DH]'. These things have ranged from gossipy family nonsense (what my spendthrift uncle has wasted thousands of pounds on this time) to genuinely concerning pieces of family drama (the outcome of decades-old trials).

I understand that she needs to vent, as we all do, but quite a few of the things she's told me have been a bit harrowing in their own right (sorry to be vague but they go beyond family gossip) and I feel like I need to get them off my chest.

It's also a little hypocritical as, over the years, I've found out that she has shared some of my deeply personal issues with my DF when I've asked her not to.

So, I do tell my DH, although with the caveat 'you don't know this, ok?' And he never lets on that he knows.

I feel a bit guilty but if I didn't I'd be the only one with all this stuff bottled up and no-one to talk to. I understand why she doesn't want me to tell DH certain things as they could reflect terribly on my DM's family if you were inclined to tar everyone with the same brush. But I just can't keep being her sounding board without having an outlet myself. I'm not taking some weird gossipy joy in it in any way - it lays heavy. I also know my DH and he would never judge someone for the actions of a family member.

I guess my question is this: AIBU to talk to my husband even if my DM has forbidden me? Am I right to feel guilty?

Again, I am so sorry for being vague about the 'things' my DM talks about but I think they would make me easy to identify were a family member to stumble across this thread.

I don't tell my partner everything. He isn't interested in what uncle bob did or the lady for the local shop etc. If it's something serious that I would tell him but if it was someone else's secret and someone asked me not to tell then I wouldn't.

If she is burdening you with issues she has no right to demand you don't seek support from your dh.
Whenever she starts to chat say you hope it's not another secret as you aren't keeping it....

If you’ve been told something in confidence then respect that, you don’t need to tell your DH everything, everyone is entitled to privacy. My adult DD tells me things which I’d never repeat to my DP, it’s none of his business.

If someone tells me something and tells me not to tell my OH....I tell them not to tell me.

I talk everything through with him, as he does with me. I don’t want to keep secrets from him and I don’t want to be put in the position of having to think over things that I can’t share with him. Obviously there would be the odd exception, if it were a personal medical matter or something but in general, if you tell me, I’ll tell my OH.

Thank you for the varied responses. I genuinely appreciate hearing both sides.

Just to clarify as I don't want people to think I'm being an incorrigible gossip - medical matters and the typical family "you'll never guess what your great-aunt's brother's cousin did" don't go further because, as with @roseunicornblower, my DH wouldn't much care. The things I talk about are issues that would otherwise be a burden on my mind (the most recent being the actions of my step-grandfather towards my grandmother). I realise that probably makes me seem even worse and I understand if you think so. I'm not taking perverse glee in the things I talk about - they're things I need support with due to their nature. I truly hope that makes sense.