To be fed up of hearing ‘he’s not a real man?’

[Whatisthisfuckery]

Every day I read threads on here where posters describe nasty, manipulative, violent abusive partners/brothers/fathers/random strangers as not real men/monsters/animals.

They are not not real men, or animals or monsters, they are real men, men in just the same way as all the nice, decent men in our lives are men. That Man who cheats on his girlfriend and abandons their child is a real man; that man who beat up his wife is not an animal, he’s a real man; that man who looks at child abuse images online and probably worse is not a monster he’s a real man. They’re all real men, because they are all somebody’s husband or brother, and they’re all some mother’s son. Men are adult human males, the nice ones, the arseholes and the down right evil ones.

This not all man narrative helps nobody. Not only does it give ‘real men’ an excuse to dismiss their irresponsible, abusive and violent brethren as not being in any way like them so not their collective responsibility, ‘if he behaves like that he’s not a real man, so not like me because I’m a real man,’ but it’s deeply sexist. Who decides what a real man/real woman is? And if any one of us for any reason fall outside those parameters then are we not real men/women?

Society needs to stop labelling these undesirables as other, not real men, because while decent men can put them outside of the ‘real man’ box they can ignore their behaviour. Women have been screaming at men for years to do something about their violence, their controlling and abusive ways and they’ve completely ignored us, so when women collude in this ridiculous enabling ‘real man’ narrative it only reinforces the idea that decent men shouldn’t take responsibility for their own sex and their bad behaviour.

In my experience, the phrase 'not real men' is a direct counter to the image of toxic masculinity, the tough guy image that was promoted during the war years and has unfortunately endured.

I've only ever heard it in the positive, e.g. 'Real men cry', 'Real men don't hit', 'Real men get consent', 'Real men discuss their feelings', in order to assert the idea that these behaviours are desirable.

I agree, you could certainly use it in the context you suggest, as an excuse not to take responibility for the behaviour of a group minority by excluding them as "other". I agree that would be wrong and a problem, but I've never heard it used that way.

I’m not sure about the abusive woman thing. How many times do we hear, ‘oh, he’s been at work all day, you can’t expect him to come in and do the washing up.’ And I’m not talking just on hear. And yeah, I think if a woman was knocking seven shades of shit out of her husband or kids we’d all be queuing up to condemn her. Just look at the way the occasional female murderer is treated in the media compared to her many, many male counterparts. Man kills his wife and kids but he’s mentally ill, stress got too much etc, woman is an evil sadistic abuser. Both these offenders are equally evil, but treated in a totally different way. There was a story in the papers recently about a bloke who killed his wife, then walked his kids off a cliff while they were drugged. The headline was ‘kids die in cliff fall with father,’ and the wife he’d stabbed to death wasn’t even alluded to until the third paragraph.

And don’t even get me started on rape convictions, which are at an all time low. Exhibit A your honour, the Lacey knickers the victim was wearing on the night of the alleged rape. A woman wearing such provocative underwear was clearly wanting something sexual to happen. How are we to believe that a woman of such easy virtue could be telling the truth?o

We’re in a society that accepts that a woman’s undies can consent for her, rather than accept that a man would commit rape. It’s not just on the street or in the pub, men letting other men get away with awful shit is everywhere.

Why shouldn’t men as a group take responsibility for men as a group.

Do you take responsibility for women who abuse their partners? Or their children? Or do you see them as not like you so not your issue?

Whatisthisfuckery
If I went out to the pub with a group of mates we’d all be watching out for each other, pulling back into line anyone who played up.

What an absolute loads of tosh. You may do this (and if you do its only in your group) but the amount of women that don't is pretty high. If in doubt go look at any city on a Friday or Saturday night.

And just FYI on the occasions that I have stepped in I have been assaulted not by the man but by the woman.

Casual everyday sexism exists because all men indulge in it, to some degree.

Women's behaviour is policed, promiscuous women are shunned etc. So are Women who walk away from their children. There's another thread were the OP was called common for leaving washing out overnight. How/when housework was done was another way of policing Women.

There's been some shocking summing up of child sexual abuse cases and rapes were it's been suggested that the behaviour wasn't out of the ordinary, for a man.

If the same was said about Women, I'd be outside the court protesting.

Page three (with 16 year olds), benny hill, rape jokes exsist because Men think there ok. As does street harassment.

You do see random men telling women off or giving 'advice'. You even get them telling women that they shouldn't react to bad behaviour, when they do.

But rarely do men police other men unless the victim belongs to them.

"Do you take responsibility for women who abuse their partners? Or their children?"

If women were raping and it was said it was part of being a woman, I'm sure we'd all get involved.

Transgender has become a thing, because men wanted it. Feminists fouggt to get to a pount were gender was accepted as a social construction. But no, it's now all about gender.

Men who are homophobic etc don't speak out against transgender because they know how dangerous it could be if men were told they can't do what they want.

Women have been screaming at men for years to do something about their violence, their controlling and abusive ways and they’ve completely ignored us

?? Isn’t that why we have prisons? We didn’t used to have prisons.

@ColaFreezePop
“Your post is ridiculous.

It is putting a community together where none exists. People can only tell you to behave if they have any day-to-day interaction with you.

So there is no community of men just like there is no black community or islamic community.”
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

“A man is not decent if he stand by and does nothing when another man is behaving inappropriately or threatening somebody weaker than himself, he is part of the problem.”

Except there is a real risk that he will be stabbed or shot to death for interfering. And not every man is the physical equal of every other man. Size matters.

“if a woman was knocking seven shades of shit out of her husband or kids we’d all be queuing up to condemn her”

In 43% of domestic violence police reports, the attacker is an adult female and the victim an adult male. It’s more common than you think because media and politicians like to report the lower % based on surveys, not actual police reports, because they have invested into this narrative that DV is gendered violence where men are the ones responsible.