Hi all! I've nc as my sil is on here and this is pretty specific 🤦🏻♀️
Background- poor relationship with ILs due to past behaviour that has never been recognised or resolved. Pretty lc with them seeing them maybe once every few months.
Just had a baby (14 weeks!) and people have been sending us gifts etc from all over. All very generous. Mil has been playing at being doting granny (she has met dd 4 times) and keeps sending gifts from her friends. Last week Dh got an email from mils friend (I'm going to call her Susan to save complication!) asking for our bank details so she could send us money to get a gift for dd. This is of course very kind however (big however) Susan has acted incredibly spitefully towards myself (I'm happy to give details if people want but think things like comments regarding my family, bad behaviour at my wedding etc) and therefore dh and I had already decided Susan would not be having anything to do with dd.
Susan is mils closest friend. She and mil see each other at least once every few days and the two families are very intertwined. We know mil will want dd to be brought to meet Susan but we have actively avoided it and mil has not outright asked yet. Our plan is that when she does we will try to change topic but if she pushes it we will say that Susan is her friend not ours and that because of these things we are not interested in facilitating that.
It's hard as Susan has been very present in dhs life (a bit like an auntie) and I do worry he is just saying things to appease me, but after the way she has behaved I certainly do not want to take my baby round to meet her. I'm already struggling with having a lc relationship with mil.
Anyway dh has not yet replied but he said he would just send his bank details and say thanks. I think it's a bit rude and off to accept money/gift when we don't actually want anything to do with the person? Dh says he doesn't want to cause trouble, that he will maintain a polite distance with Susan to keep the peace.
Mil has now text demanding to know why dh hasn't responded to Susan yet and said he is being ungrateful 🤦🏻♀️
Aibu to just be fed up? I am sick of the lot of them. They spoiled our wedding with shitty behaviour and they were awful after our daughter was born. I refuse to have the first few months of her life spent fussing over them. I'm about one step away from nc. The only thing that keeps me hanging on is dh.
Sorry I've gone off the topic. My Aibu is that I think dh is actually being a bit rude not responding for a week (despite her being a rude cow too) and that we shouldn't accept anything from them as it looks like we are open to contact.