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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure what to do...

10 replies

Mumtoaperfectbabyboy · 19/09/2019 23:14

Hi all,

Not sure what to do... I had a baby 6 months ago and me and the dad have been together for seven years and are married.

In the past two months I have found out he gave his phone number to another woman whilst on a friend's stag do... I then found out he has had multiple lap dances, which we had talked about before and I'd said whilst I'm not keen on it its the lies that cause a bigger problem. Then I dropped him at a friend's and when I rang to find out when he would be home, turns out he had allegedly gone out with his former work friends without even messaging me to tell me, I heard a woman in the background and when I asked who he was with there was only one name that I recognised. All of this I have found out and he has not told me about.

Tonight I go on his phone to check what LO should wear to bed as I left my phone downstairs and I always Google it to check - unlocked his phone to see that he'd been messaging a girl from work. I didn't say anything initially as I was shocked, went to the bathroom and when I can out asked him about it... Bearing in mind he tried to take the phone off me whilst I was doing it with the premise of him not knowing how to check so I said I'd show him.... Took his phone off me after I had checked the clothing situation and was on it a bit, I swear I'd seen the message on WhatsApp. When I confronted him he said it was innocent chat with a friend so I asked to see it and he opened a Facebook thread which was a bit flirty and he'd responded to the messages with a x at the end and todays messages had xx on them. It bothers me that he didn't tell me about it for starters and that after everything we've been trying to work through he would prioritise this over our marriage. Not only that the majority of these messages were exchanged on our date night the other night when I had made us dinner.

Have kicked him out tonight but don't think I can see a future with us... if he's prioritising messaging another woman after us being in a bad place and he told me she knows we've been going through a tough patch then don't know how I am ever going to trust him. Feel so heartbroken that he would do this.

OP posts:
pinkelephantsanddietcoke · 19/09/2019 23:21

Sorry but I'd be raging at my OH messaging anyone else. He sounds like a dick 😞

Happyspud · 19/09/2019 23:27

Well bloody done you. Finally someone who won’t put up with that shit. I have to say I recognise how incredibly difficult it would be to kick your partner out especially when you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed and scared by the new information so I don’t really criticise women who don’t kick their useless, lying, cheating bastard partners out BUT just well done you. It doesn’t sound like he’ll be smarming his way back into your life even if it takes you another while to properly break from him.

Dita73 · 20/09/2019 00:01

Don’t let him back in. He’s being a complete git and just messing you around. Don’t waste anymore time with him

Flanjango · 20/09/2019 00:03

You even have to ask? He doesn't respect you or your family unit. Sorry but no, you deserve better.

chickenyhead · 20/09/2019 00:05

He sounds pretty disloyal and grim to be honest.

I think that you deserve better than this.

Cal95 · 20/09/2019 00:11

Oh bless you , amazing how strong you have been to kick him out , testing time now so need to get even stronger . No one deserves to be treated this way and only you can stop it . If you allow him to continue to treat you badly he will always do so . Best of luck

gingerfreckles · 20/09/2019 00:28

I agree with other posters that you deserve better. But can I ask why you were googling what your child should wear to bed, or did I misunderstand that?

Goodlookingcreature · 20/09/2019 00:32

I’m loathe to tell you to leave him, because it’s your family. However, he’s totally disrespectful and you and your child deserve a happy life. You won’t have it with him

Mumtoaperfectbabyboy · 20/09/2019 02:18

Gingerfreckles I always have to look as I can never remember off the top of my head with different sleeping bag togs...

Thank you all, it's driving me crazy to think this is stuff that if this is the stuff I have found out about what haven't I..

OP posts:
Mumtoaperfectbabyboy · 20/09/2019 02:48

He'd even sent this woman a photo of our child!

OP posts:
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