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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Second Child- Deal Breaker?

1 reply

KelseyCat · 19/09/2019 23:11

I had my first child at 22 and I'm not longer with the dad because he wasn't very 'nice'. I am 29 now, (In Feb I'll be 30). Last year, I met a wonderful man (37), who treats both of us great, is very involved in my son's life, and makes us the center of his world. We've almost been together for two years.

We have had talks about moving in together, getting married, and whether or not we were going to add more children eventually. A few months ago, we decided that we were going to add more kids once everything else (moving in-marriage) was 'done'.

On Monday, as we were watching our shows, he admitted that he doesn't want any children. I understand his perspective: single male for almost 10 years, thrown into the parenting gig (I'm the first woman he's dated with a child), and my son, while being my son, is sometimes a jerk (7), I can understand the hesitation of adding more. Because frankly, as they get older, children can suck. Lol.

But when he mentioned it, so simply, I couldn't help to be hurt. I know that selfish. And he doesn't ask for much. But if I look back ten years down the road, I don't want to regret not having the two more children that I desire having. We haven't had the big 'talk' yet, I'm still gathering my thoughts on the matter. But I'm afraid this may be a deal-breaker for us.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Polydactyly · 20/09/2019 00:30

I think you’re right. If you want kids and he doesn’t it will breed resentment.
If he doesn’t want any kids he’s already in the wrong relationship.
Your son isn’t a jerk, he’s a child and acting as such. He’s still learning. Find someone with the patience for that.

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