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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it’s rude to give guest back the item they brought?

50 replies

KyraLittle · 19/09/2019 20:17

Friend invited me over for dinner and I asked if she’d like me to bring anything and she said dessert.

Bought us a dessert brownie and we each ate some (along with third friend joining us).

When leaving friend gave me the rest of the brownie as she didn’t want it.

OP posts:

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 19/09/2019 21:46

Nope, not rude. Rude is turning up without something.

My DSis came to visit for an overnight stay. She brought a bottle of wine. Neither DH nor I drink so I told her to enjoy it or take it with her. It's no good sitting in my fridge untouched.

Original poster

KyraLittle · 19/09/2019 22:19

Maybe it was more how she said it like - I don’t want it.

OP posts:

Giraffey1 · 19/09/2019 22:22

Not rude at all.

DoctorMarten · 19/09/2019 22:23

Think it was probably her being thoughtful tbh. Don’t overthink.

TrickyKid · 19/09/2019 22:23

Not rude at all.

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2019 22:24

I don't see this as rude either, plus she might have been tempted to eat it if you left it and she was watching her weight or something.

Sparklesocks · 19/09/2019 22:25

If she wasn’t going to eat it I’d rather she give it back if i was!

MrsFezziwig · 19/09/2019 22:26

Win win!

misspiggy19 · 19/09/2019 22:27

No not rude at all. Maybe if you had made the dessert yourself.

Butchyrestingface · 19/09/2019 22:27

It's all about zero waste these days, OP. Are you gonna eat it? If so, then she did the right thing.

dollydaydream114 · 19/09/2019 22:27

It would have been rude if she hadn’t served any of it and gave it back to you untouched, but she served it and you all ate some. It was nice of her to offer it back to you if it wasn’t something she wanted in the house because she only eats sweet things as a special treat once in a while or whatever. It doesn’t imply that she didn’t like it.

SandyGusset · 19/09/2019 22:27

Good grief

I wish my biggest problem right now was a friend giving me brownies.

madcatladyforever · 19/09/2019 22:28

It is rude. It was a gift that should be accepted gracefully whatever she does with it afterwards.
It's called good manners.

buckeejit · 19/09/2019 22:31

Yabu. I don't want to keep stuff that will go to waste if someone else can use it

dowehaveastalker · 19/09/2019 22:37

Oh Jesus Christ. Really?!? She would have binned it. She gave it to someone who would have not wasted it, and you have genuinely been offended by this????

Thornhill58 · 19/09/2019 22:59

I give stuff back all the time. For example I don't drink at all so bottle leaves with them. I think it's nice to offer stuff back specially if is untouched.
My friends do the same. I don't see the problem.
Maybe I'm rude

WanderingBar · 19/09/2019 23:54

Oh no, I do this all the time - I'd feel cheeky/greedy if I kept whatever had been brought all to myself. I hope I haven't been offending people .

HiJenny35 · 20/09/2019 00:07

I think it's much ruder when you take along items, they don't get eaten and then the host keeps it! What's not opened should be returned to those who arrived with it. YABU.

CSIblonde · 20/09/2019 01:27

It's not rude. She probably thought you'd enjoy it & like me, struggles with no willpower around fattening treats. I can never have just one slice or just one biscuit so I don't have them around.

Durgasarrow · 20/09/2019 02:29

It would have been rude if nobody had any of the brownies. But since everyone enjoyed them at the gathering, I think it was nice to give the rest back to you.

Poppins2016 · 20/09/2019 02:46

I would think it was practical/generous, not rude! However it does depend on context (was something said)?

A friend recently left with half a bottle of wine that we didn't finish after an evening in at my place. It would have gone to waste if I'd kept it!

I only tend to invite/go to close friends for dinner and we all feel that standing by social convention for the sake of it when we're like family is just silly!

mathanxiety · 20/09/2019 03:22

I wouldn't have wanted it back if she had taken bites out of it.

If she had cut it and eaten cut off pieces then maybe, but only if I were sure she had washed her hands before touching it.

I wouldn't do this to someone else, no. I am sure it would come across as you experienced it, OP.

SnowsInWater · 20/09/2019 04:03

"I don't want it" does sound a bit blunt, "it won't get eaten here, do you want to take it home with you" would have sounded better but not everyone is tactful 😊

Bring a dish is very common here in Aus so there is often a "who want's what" conversation when everyone is leaving. People tend to take/leave depending on where the food will get eaten - taking stuff to save you sorting lunches in the morning or leaving something that hasn't been touched because you know it is a favourite of the host are equally acceptable.

Kerrywerrywoo1 · 20/09/2019 04:25

If you stopped off at a cheap corner shop and bought the £1 brownies yeh I would give it back and say ‘ I don’t want this’.......cow it’s shit and I made a nice meal .....if you bought some lovely luxury brownies and I gave it back saying I don’t want this it would be because I’m a greedy cow and I know I’d over eat. So.....really you are the only person who can judge what she meant... did you bring nice cake or shit cake.

Kerrywerrywoo1 · 20/09/2019 04:26

Now not cow 🤣

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