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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would IBU to say no?

26 replies

BWOB · 19/09/2019 15:59

DSis is getting married and has invited me to accompany her to a wedding fairs, and to take DD (13 yo). She says they are fun and there are lots of freebies and means I can share the wedding fuss.

I am fully prepared to be exited and involved - but I could not think of anything worse than a wedding fair. Did not attend a single one when I got married.

And I am not even going to ask my DD - why would I want her to start being fed ideas of "wedding essentials" and "must have accessories" and all that marketing stuff now. I may be a little cynical having worked with a lady who had planned her wedding by the age of 10yo

Should I grin and bear it and go as it is about her? Or is it OK to just run away screaming politely decline?

OP posts:

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 19/09/2019 16:03

I would say politely decline. I tried playing along (with my own wedding) and it caused much more trouble down the line. Better to be honest up front IME.

Expressedways · 19/09/2019 16:07

I agree those things are boring but in the greater scheme of things it really isn’t that bad. Could you suggest that your DSis takes her DP instead?! But if she really wants you to go then for your sister I’d be inclined to suck it up and go to one but leave your DD at home. Regardless of the perfect wedding stuff most 13YOs would probably find it boring and be moping about on their phone!

yearinyearout · 19/09/2019 16:10

I think you're being a bit mean spirited to be honest. She's obviously excited about her wedding and wants some company, and in your position I would go to one with her. If another one comes up you can make excuses.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/09/2019 16:10

I think yabu really, you won't have to spend anything, your sister is obviously really excited, and it would be a really nice thing for you to do for her.

Bouffalant · 19/09/2019 16:11

I'm getting married soon and one of my friends who is also getting married excitedly said we could go to these together.

I said a clear NO THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Can't think of anything worse.

Sirzy · 19/09/2019 16:11

She is excited and wants her sister and niece involved. I think you are being a bit mean

Cath2907 · 19/09/2019 16:11

Meany - you could go to one and be excited and silly for the benefit of your sister!

Anothernotherone · 19/09/2019 16:12

That sounds like a nightmare to me too - that kind of thing is either what you enjoy or it isn't... If you're close to your sister I'd go to one, but just one - find a nice way to say that you enjoyed one but that's your limit.

As to whether to take your DD - it depends on her temperament. Mine's 14 and healthily cynical about such things and pragmatic, not into bows and frills but she likes interior design and planning (jeans based) outfits, and she plays better with others than me I'd ask her whether she wants to go and trust her not to get swept away into some kind of horrible frilly romantic-commercial hybred dream, she's got more sense... I certainly wouldn't encourage her to go but would offer her the option as she might enjoy some aspects and be an antidote to froth and over enthusiasm

Mrsthomasshelby1 · 19/09/2019 16:15

You sound like a total grump. Suck it up for your sister as she's obviously excited

thecatinthetwat · 19/09/2019 16:15

You’d be terrible company at one then, because presumably you’d find everything yak.

Politely decline, tell her you’d be terrible company. You can’t fake these things. Maybe you could suggest a different thing the two of you could do together though for the wedding. Unless you hate weddings. Just be honest.

Marylou2 · 19/09/2019 16:16

This is about your DSIS. Sometimes we have to do things for others rather than what we might prefer to do ourselves. See it as spending time with people you love. Sometimes there's cake too 😁

FrauHaribo · 19/09/2019 16:19

why would I want her to start being fed ideas of "wedding essentials" and "must have accessories" and all that marketing stuff now

Jesus Christ, how little credit do you give to your own daughter if you are worried a 13 years old could be brainwashed by going to fair!

It's up to you - if you go and spoil the day for your sister, really you must decline. She sounds really sweet to be excited and to want to involve you.

If you can see it as a nice day with your sister and let your own preferences on the side for that one day.. I'd make an effort. Even if you are dead set against anything wedding-ey, and don't give a rat's ass about colour scheme, surely you can even express a preference about a cake or the look of some flowers.

Terribleusername · 19/09/2019 16:26

I’d go for the free stuff myself. I love a bit of wedding cake.

Original poster

BWOB · 19/09/2019 16:31

Oh god. You are all right. I am a total grump. (Slight disclaimer I am 99% sure I am anaemic at the moment (GP appoint booked) so am incredible tired and lethargic - the actual thought of doing anything apart from the essentials is a struggle.

Have said probably yes, depending on a) details - and b) if she is OK if I laugh and eye-roll at it all whilst we eat the free cake. .

Thank you for wobbling my (tired) head.

OP posts:

EmmiJay · 19/09/2019 16:33

Sis just seems like she wants to share the excitement of her big day with you. I'd grin amd bare it. Also I don't think one wedding fair is going to turn your DD into Monica from Friends.

VladmirsPoutine · 19/09/2019 16:37

I think you should go along. Provided she's not being a bridezilla about things then she's just genuinely excited and all things going well this is the only time she'll be getting married. Just go for it. Your DD won't suddenly become swallowed up in marriage and baubles over a wedding fayre. Just go for it. I know you're feeling rather lethargic as you said but most of the time I don't wanna go out and would rather be on the couch in my PJs, but always end up having fun once out. Just get on with it!

Bookworm4 · 19/09/2019 16:41

I am 99% sure I am anaemic at the moment (GP appoint booked) so am incredible tired and lethargic
Really not an excuse to be miserable and selfish, I’ve been anaemic for years, very easy managed.
I attended one with my DDs, eldest getting married, would never have thought so but we had a lovely day and got lots of freebies and ideas.

RhodaDendron · 19/09/2019 16:54

I attended some of these on bridesmaid duty. Not my cup of tea but there are worse favours to do for people!
Totally agree re your 13 year old but as long as you are allowed a dose of healthy cynicism, the experience might confirm rather than contradict your principles. I found the fairs generally just so perverse and quite eye opening. I enjoyed gawping at the ice sculptures and chocolate fountains, and even the challenge of trying to keep a straight face over the price tags! They really aren’t very fairy tale at all.

Original poster

BWOB · 19/09/2019 17:29

@Bookworm4 thank you for your support! I’ve been anaemic for years, very easy managed - Yep, probably is once you have been to your GP and it is being managed! Surprisingly enough, having not yet seen the GP mine is not being managed.

OP posts:

dollydaydream114 · 19/09/2019 17:40

I was my sister’s bridesmaid at 13. Went to loads of wedding fairs and dress shops with her. It was fun and I wasn’t remotely brainwashed by it. It was a laugh and made me feel part of things.

I am not married and have never wanted to be and if I was it would be me and DP in a register office on our own, so clearly it’s possible to attend a wedding fair and say “Oh, that bouquet’s nice” and “OMG, that dress is hideous” without turning into some sort of brainwashed bridebot.

By all means don’t go with your sister if you don’t want to, but it’s a bit shit not to give your daughter the option and your sister is making a nice gesture. Maybe lighten up a bit. It’s frocks and veils, not heroin.

Bookworm4 · 19/09/2019 17:48

@BWOB
I don’t take medication, I manage it with diet.

SunshineAngel · 19/09/2019 17:55

I went to one with a friend once, and I thought it would be my idea of hell.. but actually we had free Photo Booth pics taken, free cake, free bubbly, free canapés all day.. honestly, it was brilliant! :D Plus DJ rooms where you could sample a set, which I found a bit odd and had never heard of, but it was quite entertaining.

Chloemol · 19/09/2019 18:06

Hmm not very supportive of your sister. It may turn out to be the worst day you have spent, but you will be supporting your sister who has asked you. By all means leave your dd at home if you wish, but I do thin’ you should support your sister.

JammieCodger · 19/09/2019 18:11

My 13 year old and I would love this. We’d go around giggling and taking the piss. It’s be a grand day out!

Original poster

BWOB · 19/09/2019 19:39

I have told my sister yes already ^^ (I shall cancel the cheque too) .

@Bookworm4 I have never been anaemic before. Also seem to have many symptoms of pernicious anaemia (and pre-disposed to to other auto immune condition and an existing folate issue ). So am going to get it checked out by the GP to establish if I need to increase my B12/Folate levels and/or iron and if diet/supplements or injections are needed.

OP posts:

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