MIL complicated - step daughter

[Louisa09]

Hi I have three kids.

First one is my step daughter, she is oldest and is in our home 50% of the time (one week on one week off), then I have two with my dear husband.

To start I will explain I have a very toxic MIL, she has done nasty things, her husband has slammed the door in my face, she has lied over and over again, bought things for the ex of my husband (mom of 1st child) and not for me (mom of her other 2 bio grandchildren) etc. We cut contact with her 2-3 years ago completely. That said, she still has access to our first child through hubby's ex (which we dont condone, also not a great relationship there!)

So second child (biologically our first together) starts school this year, and this MIL shows up at the school yard cornering my child! My child has no freaking clue who this damn woman is but is trying to be polite. MIL somehow managed to steal photos off my personal media and shows them to my child to reassure her that shes a "safe person" and if she wasnt "grandma" how would she have these photos?

The school calls to advise us, thank heavens, and we are on high alert because this woman has been very toxic and we do not want her in our children's lives.

We want to put a restraining order or charge with harrassment or something (canada) are we able to do that? Or am I totally out of my mind?

Vote yes for pressing charges
or
Vote no if this behaviour is acceptable

No vote button but hell yes press charges if you can she sounds batshit

I said yanbu I hope that means get the police involved because that's what I think you should do

Well yes if she's that bad but what do you mean she buys things for ex but not for you? What does that have to do with anything?

We spend all out time teaching our children about stranger danger and this batshit woman thinks she can cajole your child into talking to her with photos off the Internet? She should have been arrested on the bloody spot! I'd have no issue taking it further if it's possible. Good thing the school were quick to contact you. I'd be wary of your kids being out and about if they are old enough to be out without you as no doubt she'll try it again. Time to set all your social media accounts to private!

Make it clear to school that this is alarming behaviour of someone who you haven’t had contact with in a long time and has NO responsibility towards your child. Schools take these things very seriously and will make sure she can not have access to your child on school property.

I’d be blocking her on SM and tell you child if she approaches them again not to speak to her, run back into school and tell someone.

steer a middle course.
charges are excessive; would police even entertain such a move. very doubtful.
look at it from her point of view. she probably feels keenly the estrangement from 2 grandchildren. her behaviour is out of order, but no real harm done.
is there any way you could re-consider your position, ie allow some limited contact. it seems hard to deny the children the chance of knowing grandparents, at least til they decide whether they want to see them or not.
can you be the bigger person in all this.
what does your husband think.
good luck.

Well I'm sure the children talk so she will know who she is.

It's hard to say when the examples given are her husband closed the door on you and she bought presents for other Childs mother but not you. Lied about what? You also don't get on with your stepdaughters mother?

So much drama. Your daughter is bound to be curious as she grows when her sister is seeing her. Yes she shouldn't have approached her at school but perhaps an adult discussion might be a better way forward? Restraining orders tend to be where there is a risk to someone, is that the case when the older child is safely seeing her?

I would be interested in her version of events which we obviously won't get. It's not okay to approach kids at school but that sounds like a desperate woman..

Lock down your social media so only people on your friends list can see your pictures.

Sit your children down and tell them never to go anywhere with anyone unless you have told them specifically someone else is picking them up in which case you will also tell the school teachers. Also teach them they don’t need to be polite to strangers scaring them.
I’d set up a code with school for anyone other than you picking up your children at school for extra safety.

Consult a solicitor as to what legal steps you can take.

You need to get a restraining order and demonstrate to your child that behaviour like this won’t be condoned. She’s stalked your child and shown up at their school. She’s a stranger to your child and this behaviour is incredibly dangerous.

How did she get to your child at school? The first thing you need to do is talk to the school, and make it perfectly clear who is and isn’t allowed to pick your child up. That’s the most important thing. What are you worried she might do?

Why is this so hostile? Did you and husband get together quite quickly?

My MIL got with DH stepfather quickly.. Now his stepfather hasnt seen his kids/grandkids in about 20 years. Its not nice, they ignore each other on the streets, have attacked him and MIL and vandalised their home.

She shouldn't of turned up, I think that's weird and what if she took the child? If my MIL turned up without me knowing I'd be put off. I just kinda disagree that this can be magically resolved to play happy families.

What does husband say op? Assuming he doesn't want a restraining order? This might mess things up with the eldest seeing her too.

I think maybe husband needs to contact her and ask her what she was playing at and go from there, but set in stone it is not OK to turn up to the school without you knowing. See how that conversation goes for him and see how you want to proceed then.

There’s a massive bit of middle ground between acceptable behaviour and pressing charges...

If she just wanted contact I'm pretty sure she'd have asked first.
She's misrepresented herself and lied to your kid. And turned up when kid is without family. I'd say that was out of order.
I think you should confront her and have her barred from school grounds at the very least