Feeling a tiny bit trapped

[DancingCaterpiller]

I want to start by saying I love my little one more than I thought possible to love another human.

We've not had an luck with getting baby to take a bottle. Had a couple of days of false hope. But now just totally refuses. Gets angry and upset.

So, after that waffle. AIBU (and I feel terrible for thinking this) to feel a bit trapped. I was really hoping it would be possible for baby to take a bottle. So at the very least I could get to sleep more than 2-3 hours in one go. Maybe even possibly have a few hours to myself or even (totally dreaming now) a night out.

Please tell me when your BF baby started to go a bit longer between feeds? What age did they start feeding less at night? Currently LO is feeding roughly at 9, 11:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:30.

I'm interested in hearing how often your LO cry's. This morning my LO cried all the way around the supermarket and all the way home in the car. (Only child on the planet to hate being in the car?!).

I try to get out every day. To not feel stuck in the house. But most days LO screams in the car. Wherever we go (shops, class etc. Baby screams. I get embarrassed/fed up and come home. Having not achieved what I set out to do (get toothpaste.. all week I forgot/didn't manage to get the damn toothpaste).

I feel terrible but I'm starting to get annoyed that DH can go off and do his own thing. When I left holding the screaming baby.

I don't really know what I expect anyone to say. Maybe I just need to get this all off my chest. All of my NCT friends, when I see them, none of their babies cry. Just mine. Some days I just feel like it won't ever get any better.

Sorry to waffle on so much.

I'm amazed at how calm and polite your post is, to be honest - that sounds awful! My son never took a bottle - it was very frustrating. Tried everything, and he would starved rather than feed from a bottle.

Have you talked to a doctor? Could there be a reflux / milk intolerance issue? Some babies do just cry, it's true, but often there is another cause. However, in answer to your question, YADNBU. It will get better, but right now it sounds bloody terrible.

Babies cry. A lot. Your friends babies absolutely will cry sometimes even tho you say you've not seen it. I take it your having quick catch up, not around them all day? So you can't go off that as to how much their babies cry. And babies do pick up on your mood if you're frazzled , so make sure you rest when you can, eat well etc. Don't be disheartened re the bottle, they're not ready yet is all, so wait awhile then try again. All babies progress differently . As to the toothpaste (!) , for basics/essentials I'd do online shop & save it as your regular list, then only do supermarket runs to get out of the house/for fresh stuff like fruit & veg etc. It will get better. And it's really good you can verbalise your feelings, bottling them up is never good for you.

Hand hold. Babies are hard. Have you tried a sling/carrier of some kind, so at least you're avoiding the car which you say baby hates (if that's an option). How old is baby?

YANBU to feel trapped.

DS was/is a bottle refuser. We tried him with a doidy cup at about 5 months so I could go back to work but he didn't drink much from it so would just have to wait until I got home (I was out roughly 8am-4pm). But he was weaning at that stage so could have puree or baby rice for lunch. My health visitor said to just go out and leave him with DH and some expressed milk and if he's desperate he'll take it.

It sounds like, for your mental health, you just need to leave your baby with husband or your mum or dad plus milk and get a few hours of you-time. Your baby will be fine and you'll hopefully feel a little better.

I completely understand where you are right now, DD1 seemed to do nothing but cry for the first 6 months of her life and also refused to take a bottle - I felt like I was chained to her (as much as I loved her!) and was desperate for a break, or more than 90 minutes sleep all in one go!

I remember being so incredibly excited to introduce her to my best friend, who had also had a baby (3 weeks after my DD was born), but her DD was 10 weeks early, so spent a couple of months in NICU, my DD was about 4 months old once the 'big day' arrived. My friend's DD just slept the entire time, basically had one 15 minute BF and was so chilled and placid. My DD just screamed and screamed, like someone was pulling off her fingers or something, it was horrific and I was SO disappointed and upset (and sleep deprived!) that this occasion I had been looking forward to so much was a complete nightmare.

When DD1 was 4 months old, we started trying to give her a bottle, but she was adamant she wasn't taking it and would just work herself up into a massive screaming fit. I took her to visit my best friend for the weekend and after seeing how much I needed a break, she got me to express a bottle and sent me round to her DM's house with strict instructions to find a bed, get into it and go to sleep until she called.

I got 'the call' nearly 5 hours later - my best friend had been able to persevere where I hadn't been strong enough to and apparently there had been several hours of screaming, but eventually, DD1 realised that the boobs were not available and if she was hungry, it had to be the bottle and she did it!!!

So my tip would be to give a bottle to someone else and leave the building! Don't give baby (or yourself) the option of 'giving in' and offering BF and my experience is that they will eventually take it (same thing worked with DD2).

DD1 is 12 now, so this is all a long time ago for me, but I remember feeling exactly as you describe, but it did get better gradually and it's now just as 'they' said it would be - "One day you'll struggle to get them out of bed!" She loves a lie in!

YANBU and you're not alone in feeling as you do, good luck!

I know exactly how you feel. Was the same with my firstborn 8 years ago and am in the full throes of it again now with my three-month-old. Feeds every two hours day and night. Irritation with other half for being able to go out. NCT friends with perfect sleepers...

The car seat seems to be an instrument of torture for DS2 - his brother was the same and the only thing that helped him tolerate the car was introducing a dummy (which didn’t happen until about 4 months as he refused those too...). Am hoping I can convince DS2 to take one soon...

The trapped feeling is awful - I too try to get out every day but sometimes I can’t find the energy (not that being stuck inside is any easier, but it does mean I can avoid the pity looks).

Huge unMumsnetty hugs to you. The only thing I can say is it does get easier and doesn’t last forever, but that doesn’t make right now any easier.

Newborns are hard. Super super hard. You're exhausted. They cry. You can't leave them.

Ok, so practical advice based on my not very glorious parenting but it worked for us:

• babies tend to prefer boobs to bottles. My eldest was a bottle refuser. She cried, she spat it out, we persisted. Every. Single. Day. I would try a bottle of expressed milk when she was hungry and not just looking for a comfort feed. Eventually it worked. We left her overnight with my MIL when she was 8 weeks old. She cried for an hour, refusing the bottle, she took it eventually and got over herself. I know this sounds brutal and will bring the wrath of Mumsnet upon me, but there you have it.

• I started spacing out feeds at 6 weeks. She needed to feed, not just have a jolly on the boob. This led to longer gaps between feeds, and better sleep.

• some babies sleep, some don't. Mine slept through from 8 weeks ish. 8-7ish. But sometimes she'd stop, and would wake for no reason for a period of time. We would sleep train. Unfashionable but it worked.

• once she was a few months old I never fed her back to sleep. Boob was only for food, so we would settle her back to sleep in other ways.

It's tough. You're doing a fab job and are in the toughest part.

@Areyoufree I feel so lucky & blessed to have LO. I know too many people who haven't been so lucky. And would give anything to have a baby. She's harder work than I expected but the brief moments where LO is happy melt my heart. Without those times I'd go crazy.

@BetsyBigNose & @bottomflannel it really helps to hear others have been in the same situation.

@pinkcardi thank you for the advice. I hate to think of her crying and distressed. And I'm not sure how DH would cope. But I guess we'd have to think of it in a way that if I couldn't be there, she'd accept the bottle eventually.

@DancingCaterpiller There is definitely a difference between upset and distressed. I wouldn't advocate an hour of distressed newborn....nothing good would come of that, certainly not her taking a bottle 😀 But I would persevere. Eventually she'll hopefully realise it's not so bad. Also get someone else to do it so she can't smell your milk. Make sure the teat isn't cold and my MIL had this magic twirl / twist the bottle round technique which worked...but don't ask me how

My (now) three year old hated being in a car. Cried every time for journeys of any length and would be sick after about 10 minutes. Absolutely awful.

Online shopping saved my life.

And yes, you feel trapped because you are trapped.

Stick her in a baby carrier and get outside.