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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Childcare when ill?

24 replies

SnottyLittleMango · 19/09/2019 15:18

Genuinely not sure if IABU here so prepared to get flamed!

I work four full time days a week, DD 2yo is looked after 2 days each p.w by each set of GPs. Today was my parents' turn; I've had a stinking cold all week and woke up this morning with a hacking cough and a painful chest, but decided to go into work as it was going to be a busy day. DDad mentioned I looked/sounded grim when I dropped off DD and told me I should go home, rest etc etc.

Anyway, got to work and was almost immediately told to go home (mostly as no-one wanted to listen to my disgusting phlegmy cough!) DDad messaged me about something else while I was on the bus home and I told him I'd taken his advice. He replied "go back to bed and let me know when you wake up and I'll bring DD home so you don't have to pick her up". Lovely, except I'd been home about an hour when I get a text from DMum saying they are on their way! I'm now stuck at home feeling grim with a toddler bouncing off the walls. I know I'm not dying or anything, but WIBU to expect them to keep her at least until after lunch (they usually have her until five?) They are both fine themselves and had nothing else on, were happy to stay for tea and a chat until I started hacking again!

I'm hugely grateful that they look after DD, as otherwise I'd struggle to afford to work so am I expecting too much to expect them to have her while I'm not actually at work? I never ask them for childcare other than when I'm working (e.g. for nights out) as I don't want to take advantage. AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 19/09/2019 15:29

I can understand why you were disappointed, especially given your dad’s text. Did he explain why they didn’t wait for you to text?

Chamomileteaplease · 19/09/2019 15:33

Oh that's awful! I feel so sorry for you. When you are feeling better I would have a chat with them so that you are prepared if you are ill again.

You don't want to have to keep it a secret that you are home ill! But that is so unsympathetic of them!

SplintersOnTheFence · 19/09/2019 15:36

Unless you are paying them, they are doing you a favour. But they are your parents, just ask.

dollydaydream114 · 19/09/2019 15:41

If they’re providing regular childcare for nothing, two days a week, I think they’re entitled to drop her off whenever they like. What you ask of them each week is an awful lot.

People who don’t have parents nearby have to look after their own kids when they’ve got a cold.

Celebelly · 19/09/2019 15:43

It's a bit weird. If they usually have her till 5, then you'd think on a day when you were sent home from work ill they'd still keep her till then! Especially with that text.

Yes, of course, the usual caveats about it being free childcare etc etc. But that doesn't make it less of an odd decision for them to make!

ElizaDee · 19/09/2019 15:46

People who don’t have parents nearby have to look after their own kids when they’ve got a cold.

But OP does, so what's that ^ got to do with anything? Confused

Bear2014 · 19/09/2019 15:47

I would leave my DC in nursery under those circumstances, so YANBU.

Timandra · 19/09/2019 15:50

People who don’t have parents nearby have to look after their own kids when they’ve got a cold.

That's a pointless and unpeasant dig.

If the OP's parents weren't providing childcare, her child would probably have been in nursery until 5.00pm.

spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 15:52

Does seem harsh, any explanation?

Expressedways · 19/09/2019 15:52

I wouldn’t pick DD up from daycare in those circumstances so YANBU. I guess that’s the downside of getting free childcare from family as opposed to a paid professional, I wonder what the hell they were thinking but it might be awkward to raise it. Hope you feel better soon!

SnottyLittleMango · 19/09/2019 15:55

@PurpleDaisies no, no explanation, which was what I found odd. They had a tea and a quick chat when they dropped her off, and just said "hope you feel better soon" as they left. I just hope they're not feeling like I'm taking advantage - I ask them regularly whether they're coping ok, and still happy to have DD and they're always adamant that they love having her and want to carry on. I guess I'll have to do as other posters have suggested and just ask them! - thanks for the responses all

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 19/09/2019 15:55

Last week DS had a bug. He got over it quick (by Tuesday) but gave it to me. Thursday I had a temperature. DH dropped DS off at nursery (and did pick up) while I slept all day.

I'd have assumed something similar.

I wonder if wires were crossed?

spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 15:59

@SnottyLittleMango you know what, they probably didn't even think about, just thought oh snotty is home she will want DD without going out.

I bet if you say something they'll be like "sorry didn't even think about that!"

Russell19 · 19/09/2019 16:03

If it was my parents I'd have just said 'oh mum I'm feeling awful, any chance I can have a bath/sleep/hour quiet before you bring them over?

Why don't people just say what they mean??

Timandra · 19/09/2019 16:35

Why don't people just say what they mean??

The OP's parents texted her when they were on their way. It was too late to say anything then.

Russell19 · 19/09/2019 16:37

She could have said that the first time she spoke to her dad surely?

Celebelly · 19/09/2019 16:40

But his text said for her to let them know when she was awake anyway? So why would she need to say 'don't come round now' when he literally said he wouldn't be round till he heard from her?!

Timandra · 19/09/2019 16:47

She could have said that the first time she spoke to her dad surely?

As Celebelly pointed out. The arrangement she made with her dad worked for her. There was no need to say anything other than thanks at that point.

Teachermaths · 19/09/2019 17:03

OP I understand exactly where you are coming from. I'd leave my lo in nursery in similar circumstances. Tbh I've also been sent home before and left lo with his grandparents and not told them just in case they drop off Blush

PinchOfSugar · 19/09/2019 17:23

I'd be more tempted to hint at how difficult you found it to get better / how tired you are this week given that you didn't get a proper rest in the hope that maybe it sparks the conversation if you don't want to ask outright, which could come off a bit cheeky considering they are providing a lot of free childcare. Particularly as you were capable of having a chat and a cup of tea with them, maybe they didn't think you were so unwell as to need the whole day in bed and didn't really give it much more thought. If you feel you can ask them though you definitely should, if nothing else it makes it clear for future that you would have liked it if they had kept her all day or at least most of the day.

Applejack5 · 19/09/2019 17:24

I see where you're coming from, and I would leave the DC at nursery if I went home ill, but do you think maybe they find 2 days every week a bit much and were relieved to have the chance to take her home early?

7salmonswimming · 19/09/2019 17:29

Yes ask them.

Grandparents often forget how awful it is looking after a baby or toddler when you’re not well yourself. Also, they may well be of the same mind as my parents: the arrangement works for them and you, but ultimately they’re helping you out. They may just not want to put you first anymore. Not in a horrible way, they’re just beyond the dependent-child phase and have no inclination to go back there.

RaininSummer · 19/09/2019 17:34

I expect they just thought that they had an unexpectedly free afternoon/day and didn't really think about the fact you were home poorly. I think this shows that although they obviously don't mind the childminding they also value their free time and do it to help you work.

SnottyLittleMango · 19/09/2019 19:04

@Applejack5 this is what worries me - but I ask them all the time whether they're struggling and they always say they're fine, they love having her. I'm going to message them tomorrow, not mentioning today and just ask generally whether everything's ok. Thanks for all of the replies

OP posts:
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