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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - to be worried for my sister?

29 replies

PIPTribunalWin · 19/09/2019 12:34

I thought I'd bring this to the hive mind of Mumsnet.

Earlier today I met up with my sister and a couple friends for coffee and catch up (for once we were all in the same city!)

One friend (Liz) was singing my sister's (Cathy) praises. All good, I promise this isn't jealousy! Liz was saying how much Cathy had helped them, but then she said something I found weird. "Cathy has done more for my husband than I ever have!"

I've not had a chance to speak to Cathy about it yet but even though it was said in a non-malicious way I can't help shake this feeling that something isn't right. Why would any wife say that about another woman? Am I right to be concerned or am I reading too much into it? I'm just worried about my sister.

OP posts:

sometimesalways · 19/09/2019 12:37

It does sound a bit strange OP but it might be nothing. Does the friend's husband have an independent relationship with your sister or do they know each other only through the friend? Did they know each other before the couple got together?

MisunderstoodMaleficent · 19/09/2019 12:37

What are you worried about?

Skinnydogfatcat1 · 19/09/2019 12:37

It totally depends on the context. maybe it says more about her marriage then about Cathy.

BentlyandPalmers · 19/09/2019 12:40

What does Cathy do for a living?

What do you think she’s done for the husband?

Hederex · 19/09/2019 12:41

It really depends on the exact situation...not enough detail here to make a decision.

Original poster

PIPTribunalWin · 19/09/2019 12:42

Liz was married when Cathy first became acquainted with them, I don't know Liz very well really.

I don't know I can't put my finger on it, Cathy is my baby sister and I'm concerned she's walking into a situation with her eyes shut. Cathy is very trusting and I'm the exact opposite. She always looks for the best while I prepare for the worst.

OP posts:

BentlyandPalmers · 19/09/2019 12:46

Why didn’t you say “Why, what has she done for him?” like a normal person?

hardrainsgonnafall · 19/09/2019 12:51

If it was t said maliciously, what do you think she’s done thAt has you worried? Are you worried the wife will turn on her? that they are using her?

ElizaPancakes · 19/09/2019 12:53

I have no idea what you’re worried about .

TheMustressMhor · 19/09/2019 12:54

We need a lot more detail before making a reasoned judgement.

milksoffagain · 19/09/2019 12:59

You've completely lost me????

onalongsabbatical · 19/09/2019 13:00

Ask your sister?

MRex · 19/09/2019 13:00

Your attitude towards your sister comes across as very off, she is not a "baby", she is an adult. Her aproach being different than yours doesn't make one of you right, you're just different characters and you must realise you don't get to decide what she ought to do or how she ought to behave. I don't think she'll appreciate your random interference over a friend just being nice about her.

imaflutteringkite · 19/09/2019 13:01

I don't understand. Is your sister vulnerable in some way? I'm not sure why it's making you so uncomfortable.

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2019 13:02

I'm really not sure of you're issue also. ArI you trying to suggest that your sister is suspected of shagging this guy or something else equally as unpleasant?

pinkyredrose · 19/09/2019 13:03

Is Cathy a psychologist?

ColaFreezePop · 19/09/2019 13:07

The husband could have had an injury which your sister knows a lot about the treatment, needed to pass a course and your sister is a good tutor, etc. There are loads of simple explanations.

As PP said why did you not just ask her friend?

If you are suspicious of someone and cynical then asking simple logical questions will help confirm or deny your suspicions, otherwise you come across as unpleasant.

Lindy2 · 19/09/2019 13:12

Without knowing what she's done no one can answer this.

For example

scenaro 1: Sister has work connections whom she has introduced to friend's husband and now his fabulous business idea is a huge success. All fine and dandy. Well done sister for being so helpful.

scenario 2: Sister is popping round to visit friend's husband and cooking him dinner every night. Not fine and dandy. Stop it sister.

There could be 1000s of other scenarios too. Without more information we can just let our imaginations run wild.

ariamontgomery · 19/09/2019 13:12

If it wasn’t said maliciously then what’s the problem?!

ILikeyourHairyHands · 19/09/2019 13:23

Is Liz's real name Jill?

Original poster

PIPTribunalWin · 19/09/2019 13:28

@hardrainsgonnafall - You've articulated what is concerning me better than I could apparently. Yes I'm worried for those reasons. I can't imagine saying it about another woman myself, whether a friend or not, was "doing more for my husband than I have ever done" (and it is is the wording of that why I'm concerned) well sparks would fly for me!

Cathy would say she isn't vulnerable but I would argue she places herself in vulnerable situations. She belongs to a Christian church that has a strong history of providing aid and sometimes she just doesn't know when to stop. I've seen it before where she's run herself ragged for absolutely no benefit at all to her. I know some of that is my bias.

@Lindy2 I suspect it is probably closer to your scenario 2 than 1.

I thank you all for your comments so far. I just can't place my finger on what made me uncomfortable about it, it just did. I'm going to speak to Cathy later on today (hopefully) and try and find out what Liz meant.

She is my baby sister and I always watched out for her at school and growing up, I can't switch that off!

As for why I didn't ask questions, to be honest I was a little shocked at the time but because another friend was there I didn't want to stir a hornet nest. And it is only sitting back thinking about it that I've really felt some misgivings.

OP posts:

Original poster

PIPTribunalWin · 19/09/2019 13:30

@Ilikeyourhairyhands - no she is not called Jill! Although now I'm intrigued!

OP posts:

Original poster

PIPTribunalWin · 19/09/2019 15:13

So I've managed to have a quick chat with Cathy. Worryingly our friend Natalie also talked to her about it earlier today too (so it isn't just me that found it odd).

Cathy tells me that she's been helping out (she won't elaborate), that they all belong to the same church (I didn't know that) and that she didn't think anything of it. She's promised me she's taken my concerns on board but whether she has or not I don't know.

I don't understand her at times. For me it feels like she's playing with fire somehow, especially because she won't tell me what she means by "helping out". That worries me too.

OP posts:

CSIblonde · 19/09/2019 15:59

Do you think the reason your DSis is evasive as to the nature of her 'helping out' is that they're taking financial advantage? Or, she's doing vast amount of unpaid childcare/other work for them? It's all a bit odd. I assumed til your comment that she's evasive, that she'd maybe recommended the DH to her friends re work stuff.... nothing more.

Hederex · 19/09/2019 16:02

If she won't tell you what she is doing, and it's probably more like scenario 2, I would be concerned too.

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