to ask which social skills are most important for making friends?

[Fuckedoff1]

Is it possible to teach kids to make friends? Basic manners don't seem to come into it. I know rude people with plenty of friends and polite, kind children that nobody seems to like.

Teach in terms of learning prescriptive rules on how to do it - no.

But talking to them about behaviour and how people interact plus giving them a wide range of exposure to different people through different activities/school/family/clubs/community so they get experience, then you can give them a very much higher chance of managing to make friends, yes.

I think it’s important to teach them how to be happy in their own skin, first and foremost. Some people are just more popular than others but it’s not usually a reflection of how good a person they are.

Confidence (or the projection of it) is massively attractive when you are one of a large group like a kid in a class of 30.

Less important if you are making friends in a smaller setting.

So in terms of skills, it depends a lot on the age and situation.

Being able to understand other people's motivations is a big help though - also can help them understand why someone is not being nice and how to avoid that

I think it's important to

Listen
Not monopolise the conversation
Ask questions
Smile (but don't laugh maniacally about everything)
Don't be mean about others,
Good sense of humour works wonders.

All this is hard to teach though. My ds is 12 and has always had people (mainly boys) wanting to be his friend. He's non sporty, not too sociable outside school but is funny and sharpe. People seem to like it.

Dd 15 is also funny and sharper but lacks the confidence to speak out and be forward. She finds it much harder to make friends but the friends she has are solid.

To add I agree with PP

Confidence = Attractive
Arrogance = off putting.

It's s fine line.

I wish I knew! My ds is a kind and caring friend but very quiet. It seems to be the confident kids that are the most popular. I encourage him to go to extra curricular clubs that reflect his interests as he's more likely to make friends there. He's also been doing a couple of sports clubs since he was little so has grown up with a familiar set of boys. They're not exactly friends but he feels comfortable with them just because he's known them for so long.

One thing someone said to me is 'to make a friend, you have to be a friend'.