Know an MIL thread is hardly new but at my wits end with mine. I think MIL sees DH as the 'golden child' but rather than this meaning she treats him well it means she virtually sees him as 'hers', that he should do what she wants, be who she expects, put her first in everything etc. As a result when DH upsets her or disappoints her, which is all the time as she is a massive drama queen and has ridiculous expectations, she lashes out massively as if she's been deeply hurt and is vicious about it. Also means that although she sometimes tries to put on a good show, she couldn't care less about me or DD as we're just in the way of her being DH's sole focus.
Recently she got angry and upset because DH was curt in one reply to her, we were busy discussing something, which fair enough MIL wouldn't have know as she came into the room, and DH asked her to come back later but was slightly curt about it. He wasn't horrible about it, anyone else would have brushed the reply off but MIL chose to act as though she'd been deeply wounded, the furore went on for 2 days but involved MIL shouting at DH, crying, having a 'panic attack', getting in a mood throughout the time even though DH apologised repeatedly (unnecessarily).
Doesn't sound too bad in the grand scale of things but this happens regularly, it's ruined events in the past and we nearly cancelled our wedding and eloped due solely to MIL causing weeks of drama about something equally small.
I know I have a DH problem because he doesn't stand up to her, he gives in all the time and just apologises and takes the abuse but he's still heavily in FOG and I'm supporting him to think about that but he's not going to change overnight. The rest of his family aren't supportive, FIL just wants a quiet life so gets angry if anyone tries to involve him in the 'row' (not just at DH, at MIL or anyone) and SIL wants to stay in her mum's good books so is always excusing her behaviour as 'oh, she was just stressed', 'oh, she was just anxious', 'oh, don't take it to heart', so I feel a bit on my own with it and I'm focusing on how I cope with MIL.
After this last outburst I've had enough and I feel continuing as if nothing has happened just encourages her to do this over and over, but confronting her about it will put me in the wrong because she'll go into drama/hurt mode. I want to go low contact with her, I already don't speak to her on the phone (she doesn't notice to be fair, she only wants to speak to DH anyway) but we normally visit 3-4 times a year (we live pretty far away) and it's on these visits that I'm not sure how to manage things. Tbh I don't really want to see her but she controls the family and I'd like to see SIL and her family (dc's etc).
Basically looking for tips on how to manage visits with her when it's 'only me' that has the problem, I don't want to start fights with her but don't want to sit there biting my tongue when she's laying into DH and everyone else is putting up with it.